Laughs on the advertising and classified pages;

..Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
..A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
..Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
..For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
..For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring
coat, size 8 and fur Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
..Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
..Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
..Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
..We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
..No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
..For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
..Great Dames for sale.
..Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
..Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
..Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
..Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
..If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
..Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
..The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
..Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
..Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
..Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
..Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
..We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
..This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
..Man, honest. Will take anything.
..Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. Reference required.
..Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

A fella put a "wife wanted" ad in the classifieds.
The next day he received 100 responses.
They all said the same thing. "You can have mine."