SIGN TO READ
On a French passenger Jet:
"Live West under your seat."

In a Tokyo Hotel:
"Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

In a Leipzig elevator:
"Do not enter the lift backwards. and only when lit up."

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a hotel in Athens.
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily."

In a Yugoslav hotel.
"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
"Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

In a Swiss mountain inn:
"Special today: no ice cream."

On the menu of Polish hotel:
"Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking. Here speeching American."

At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."

Outside a Paris dress shop. "Dresses for street walking."

At a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Similarly from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years"

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"It is strictly forbidden on our Black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

In a Zurich hotel:
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guest of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
"Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

At a Budapest zoo:
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

At the office of a Rome doctor.
"Specialist in women and other deceases."

At an Acapulco Hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

At a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

A Japanese information booklet about using a Hotel air conditioner:
"Cooles and Heater: If you want just condition of warm in your room. please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
"When passenger of foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacle your passage, then tootle him with vigor."

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow Hotel room:
"If this your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it"

Sign on an electrician's truck:
"Let Us Remove Your Shorts."

Sign Outside a radiator repair shop in a small midwestern town.
"Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."

Sign over a cannibal's hut:
"I never met a man I didn't like."

Sign at a hotel.
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

Sign at the dry cleaner's window:
"Drop your pants here."

Sign at the electic company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

Sign on a garbage truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

Sign on restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."

Sign on the inside of a bathroom stall:
"Beware of limbo dancers."&127

Sign in school:
"In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."

Sign on an asphalt truck:
"Let us fill your crack!"

Office sign:
"Ace exterminating - we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome."

Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station:
"Closed for official opening."

Sign at fast-food place:
"PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"

Sign in an East African newspaper:
"A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."

Sign Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
"Would you like to ride on your own ass?"

Sign on the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
"To stop the drip, turn cock to right."

Sign on an electrician's truck:
"Let Us Remove Your Shorts."
Sign Outside a radiator repair shop in a small midwestern town.
"Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."
Sign in a shoe store:
"Come in and have a fit."
Sign over a cannibal's hut:
"I never met a man I didn't like."
Sign at a hotel.
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
Sign in butchers window:
"Pleased to meat you."
Sign at the dry cleaner's window:
"Drop your pants here."
Sign at the electic company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
Sign in beauty shop window:
"Dye now"
Sign on a garbage truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Sign on restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
Sign in a cafeteria:
"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Sign on the inside of a bathroom stall:
"Beware of limbo dancers."
Sign in school:
"In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily
suspended."
Sign on an asphalt truck:
"Let us fill your crack!"
Office sign:
"Ace exterminating - we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome."
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station:
"Closed for official opening."
Sign at fast-food place:&127
"PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"
Sign in an East African newspaper:
"A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their
workers."
Sign in a Rome laundry:
"Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
"Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages."
Sign Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
"Would you like to ride on your own ass?"
Sign on the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
"To stop the drip, turn cock to right."
Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier:
"Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."