The was a very prominent Judge who was up for re-election and he was worried because he had a serious drinking problem and his wife kept threatening to leave him. He tried to stay away from the booze, but just couldn't. After his last case, he drove to a part of town where no one would know him and proceeded to have a few drinks. Realizing he had more than he should and not wanting a DUI on his record, he decided to take the subway home. Well, he was really loaded by this time, the motion of the train got to him and he threw up all over himself. Walking up the sidewalk to his home, he knew he was really in trouble now. His wife met him at the door and he had to think fast. Before she could say a word, he broke into an explanation:
"Oh honey, I am so glad you're still up. My new suit is ruined. Just look at this mess! My car broke down and I couldn't get a two truck for hours. I had to take the subway home and some drunk threw up all over me."
"Oh, dear," his wife replied, "what a shame...your brand new suit..."
"No problem," the Judge laughed, "I fined him $50.00." He got into the shower. His wife took his suit from the bathroom floor, took it to the kitchen sink to see what she could do with it before sending it to the cleaners. Just two minutes later, she was back.
"Say, Judge, did you say you fined that guy $50.00 for throwing up on your new suit?"
"I sure did!" "Well," she said, "you should have fined him $75, 'cause he shit your pants too."