DEBBIE DOES THE TWO TOWERS
Chapter Two: A Stranger In Red
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The sun
hung low in the sky as two small figures wandered under the trees some
distance from Amon Hen. Merry was in the lead, a determined frown on his
face. Pippin followed a step or two behind. "I don't think we're going to find them, Merry. Not after all this time." Merry did not answer. "Maybe we should go back," Pippin added tentatively. "We can't go back." "Why not?" "Because...we're lost." Pippin blinked. "Lost? That's it, then?" "I'm afraid so," Merry sighed. "Frodo and Sam just got ahead of us enough to get themselves away." "Merry?" "Yes, Pip?" "What're we goin' to do when we're hungry?" "Eat the rations, I imagine." "I mean, after that?" Pippin clutched at his stomach. "I kind of figured we'd have Sam to hunt and cook for us, you know?" Merry tensed up, listening. "I think we're going to have more to worry about than cooking...." At that moment, two big uruk-hai stepped out of the trees and each grabbed a hobbit. ************ Twenty-four hours later, after a most uncomfortable piggy-back ride, the two hobbits found themselves in the center of an orc encampment, surrounded by squabbling orcs and uruk-hai. They were unable to follow most of the arguments, but various orcs were giving them unnerving leers from time to time. "D'you think they fancy us for dinner or...just fancy us?" Pippin whispered to Merry. "Don't know," Merry answered. "Don't like it either way." Just then, a particularly nasty orc approached the two hobbits, knife in hand. "Scream," he hissed, "No one will hear you. No one will help you." He raised the knife...and suddenly shouted in pain as the skin around his eyes--along with his eyes themselves--began to melt. "Get away from them, you brute!" a distinctly familiar female voice screamed. Merry and Pippin strained against their bonds, trying to get a good look upwards at their savior. "Lady Debbie!" they shouted together in amazement. She stood above them, chestnut hair billowing in the wind, alabaster skin radiant in the light of the newly risen moon. She wore red--an appropriate color for a warrior, even if the clothing itself was...far less than protective. Actually, it seemed to the hobbits to be...far less than clothing. "Can't talk now, boys--I have orc scum to slay!" Debbie was a whirlwind of red lace and pepper spray, aiming at the orcs and uruks with great glee as she mowed them down, one after another. For those who did not suffer the killing allergic reaction to her deadly pepper spray, she reserved a most eloquent stab to the eye with a spiked, red high heel. Soon, the field was littered with orc corpses, the hobbits were freed, and the three reunited companions were sitting on a nearby rock, catching up on old times. "So it was the weirdest thing," Debbie was saying. "I was trying on these different colored teddies, and every time I put one on I had this funny...reaction...like a bit of me was dropping away, you know? I still kind of feel like I'm not all here...I know that probably sounds funny." "You look all there to me," Merry said appreciatively. Pippin only nodded his agreement, unable to take his eyes off the magnificent view of Debbie's cleavage. Debbie smiled "Well, thanks, guys." She put an arm around the shoulders of each hobbit and hugged them. Just then, they became aware of the sound of many hoofbeats. As Debbie and the two hobbits watched, a mounted horde of about a hundred heavily armed horsemen approached. With perfect precision they turned and thundered toward the field, then stopped short as the carnage there became apparent. The man who seemed to be the leader of the horsemen dismounted and removed his white-plumed helmet. "We heard there were orcs in this area, but I see we have come too late," he said, shaking out his magnificent mane of blond hair and causing Debbie to smile appreciatively. "A mighty band of warriors must have fought here." Merry and Pippin snickered. "I trust you are unhurt?" the man continued, giving Debbie an appreciative smile of his own. "Oh, um, yeah, we're fine," said Debbie brightly. "But we could use some help clearing up this mess. Do you think your men could help pile up these carcasses and burn them, Mr...?" "Éomer," the man replied, moving forward and taking Debbie's hand. "Certainly...anything to help a lady." Debbie fluttered her eyelashes. "And perhaps you would accompany me into the forest to find some firewood to help the carcasses to burn?" "With pleasure," Éomer replied. He turned to his men and made an impatient gesture. "You heard the lady! Be quick about it! We will return in...a few minutes." Debbie led Éomer by the hand into the forest as his men dismounted. "Maybe a little more than a few minutes!" she called back over her shoulder. "Take your time!" Pippin started after the two, but Merry held him back. "I think we're not wanted in this one Pip," Merry whispered. "But never mind. Our turn will come later."
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