GZW Friday Night Travesty: 9th November 2001
{The show opens up with the packed GZW Coliseum on its feet, awaiting another spectacular Travesty Show. "Bawitaba" by Kid Rock blasts through the speakers as the thousands of GZW Fans prepare to see some of their favourites in action, Kool, Nathaniel Davis, Diamond, Jason Makavelli, "The SleepWalker" Yiroshi Takenbu, T-Rex and many more!! The camera zooms in on a sign that says "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing to a picture of Deacon Kane, and another that reads: "Where is Gangzta?" and the fan turns it around to reveal the words: "Who the hell cares!!!!"}
Will: Wewwcome aww to the packed GZW Cowiseum in Atwanta, Georgia!!! We have an expwosive wineup fow you tonight...some of GZW's best and bwightest, as weww as a speciaw gauntwet match feautuwing the whowe wight heavyweight division!!!
Dean: Okay you can stop talking now, watch the master at work!! Hi there ladies and germs, I'm the one and only, Dean Fis-
{The scene cuts to the backstage area. Jake Mackinnon is seen laying in a pool of blood on the floor. The camera pans around to see an engraged El Gambit, cosh in hand.}
El G: This is my division!!! You here that Jake???? I own the LightWeight division!!! Luke Laverne...your going down, Debilucho!!!!
{El G whacks the cosh towards the camera as the scene goes all fuzzy.}
Will: Weww we awe back now aftew some distuwbance backstage!!! It seems that Jake Mackinnon wiww not be making his debut tonight, instead he wiww be spending the night in the hospitaw. Ouw thoughts go out to you Jake, get weww soon!
Dean: Woohoo!! No Jobber match, whats up next, Will?
Will: It's the PeaceKeepew's match against Epic, Ecwipse and Cwancy Mc Cwean.
Dean: Peackeepers? Ugh, I think I'll go cut my toenails for this one!
----------- Backstage --------- and the Peacekeepers vs Risky
Business ----------
(the peacekeepers are seen in a room, they have there hands ontop of
another in a pile)
Davis: tonight we keep the peace fellas, as we show this Risky Business team
that going to the top like they are is wrong!
Gideon: Goooooo keepers!
(All three men exit the room together, and Diamond goes off the opposite
direction, as he goes round the corner he is jumped by Epic and Eclipse)
(Epic has a glass water container that he smashes over Diamonds head, and
Diamond goes down in a pool of blood)
Epic: hahaha thats what Money can buy
(further down the opposite way of the hallway Davis and Gideon are walking
towards the rampway to the ring, Daviss music begins to play, and you can hear
the crowd erupt, meanwhile backstage Clancy McClean and Manic Depression sneek
up on Gideon with Manic holding Clancys silver briefcase, and Manic smacks
Gideon over the head knocking Gideon unconcious)
* at the ring *
(Davis is standing in the middle, of the ring, when what has just happened
backstage comes on the titantron, he rrushes backstage, to be ambushed by all
four of the men, officials come to help pull them off Davis)
Dean: Wow I guess we have just witnessed What Money Can Buy!
Will: I cant bewieve it! has Manic Depwession just joined this gwoup?
Dean: yea and what a way to do it, he was always an underestimated athlete here,
and now like the rest of them are going to take whats rightfully theres!
{Out of the darkness, a deep haunting voice begins to speak, as the faces of Deacon Kane, Sincere, Magic, T-Rex, Pimp Bizkit, Jason Makavelli, Maxx Pain, John Taylor, Kool and Firefly alternate, determined looks on each mans face as they emerge from in and out of the shadows...}
Voice: Night, after Night, day after day, show after show, match after match, these men don't stop. Fueled by hunger, hunger to succeed, but with Hunger comes famine and drought, no success, no money, no fame. The decisions these men make are risky, but in the G-Z-W, these are ACCEPTABLE RISKS.
----------------------Extreme
title match------------------------
-------Adam
Cage vs Big Country vs Pitfighter ------------
--------------------
I Quit match -----------------------
Dean:
Hi everybody and this week that darn Adam Cage defends his extreme title in a
three way I Quit match!
Will:
this wiww be gweat for the fans, as these matches are aways exiting and I wove
watching them, just they get a wittwe bwutal sometimes!
Dean:
and I'm guessing that this one will be no exception, as I expect to see Big
Country kicking butt here, as the other two are just worthless!
Will:
that's just diswespectfuw Dean, show some wespect for the wrestwers here!
("off
the Wall" by Eminem and Redman begins to play on the PA system, the fans
mainly cheer for Big Country as he makes his way down to the ring, he has a
table under his arm as he makes his way down to the ring)
Dean:
why are the fans cheering this guy? I remember when he was with Chaos Theory,
man the guy was great there!
Will:
I think they like the idea that Big C helped Pitfighter quit doing drugs
("One
Step Closer" by Linkin Park suddenly begins to play on the PA system the
crowd erupt into cheers for the fairly new-comer. He makes his way down to the
ring, and looks into the crowd and reads signs such as "the rage of
Cage!" he smiles and slides into the ring, with his Extreme championship)
Will:
this man is quickwy estabwishing himsewf as a gweat athwete here in GZW, and
this will be the third title defence of Cage's reign as the extreme champion!
Dean:
people may say third time lucky, but it shouldn't be any of the sorts for Adam
Cage, when he finally gets his arse kicked!
(As
Cage enters the ring, him and Big C stare daggers at each other, and suddenly
Pitfighter comes through the crowd, and attacks cage, by pulling his legs either
side of the steel turnbuckle, then climbing the turnduckle. But Big C catches
him mid-air, and drops him in a back breaker)
Dean:
WOW quick start to this match
(the
referee calls for the bell for the match to start)
Will:
Pit coming through the crowd their, and his plan didn't seem to pay off there!
(Big
C begins to stomp on Pitfighter a few times, then drops a knee to the side of
his head. He then turns his attention to Adam Cage, who is using the ropes to
help himself to his feet, Big C charges at him, and knocks him with a
clothesline over the top rope)
Dean:
Adam Cage just came flying towards us there, and he didn't half hit that floor
with some force! can't help but hope he's broken in two!
Will:
weww I think he might have some bwuises tomorrow morning!
(Big
C, turns around to be met with a right hand by Pit fighter, it kocks Big C, back
a little, and Pitfighter tries another right hand, but this time is blocked by
Big C, who Irish whips Pit into the far ropes, and Big C drops his back looking
for a backbody drop. But Big C ducked too early and Pit takes advantage, by
laying a forearm to the back of Big C, and them throwing him over the ropes, and
he lands on top of Big C)
Dean:
whoa, Adam Cage just got levelled again thanks to Pitfighter there!
Will:
weww Adam Cage is having it taken to him here tomight!
(Big
C lies on top of Adam Cage on the outside, as Pitfighter maes his way to the top
rope, he puts his thumbs up to the crowd, and goes for.......)
Will:
Pitfighters Death Drop (see roster!)
Dean;
whoa i'm impressed with that move!
(Big
C had got out of the way of the move as Adam Cage cusioned his landing, but Adam
Cage feels the complete move)
Dean:
this isn't Adam Cages night at all, even when the offense isn't ment for him he
still gets the impact of it
Will:
this wiww be an uphiww stwuggle for Adam Cage to wetain his titwe now!
Dean:
yea but whoever wins this damn titwe match isn't reawwy aww that worthy!
(Pit
is quickly up to his feet, but is met by a big boot to the face by Big C, Pit
goes flying down to the floor, and Big C, goes to the announce table soves the
announcer out of the way, and picks up his steele chair)
Will:
Big C going for a steew chair now!
Dean:
anything goes in a "I Quit match" nd I just want to see these guys
destwoy each other!
(Pitfighter
is on all fours, as Big C holds the steel chair high above his head, Pit fighter
manages though to get his foot behind the back of Big C, and he kicks him behind
his knees, Big C tumbels over Pitfighter, and lands face first on the floor, and
droping the steel chair)
Will:
this match has certainwy kicked off with a bang!
Dean:
yea there all destroying one another its brilliant!
(Pitfighter
picks up Big C, and leans him against the steel ring post, he punches him in the
stomach, Big C, bends down, and Pit picks up the steel chair, Big C brings his
head up only to be met by con-chair-to
against the steel ringpost)
Will:
oh my god! did you see that?
Dean:
whoooooooo hoooooooo Big C is busted open, and Pitfighter now has the advantage
in this match.
Will:
you have got to hand it to Pitfighter here though, since he gave up smoking
weed, he has been performing at an extremewy high wevel!
(Pit
smiles down at Country for a minute, before walking back round to the side of
the ring were Adam Cage is, Cage is on the outside part of the apron, and he
jumps off, and nails Pitfigter in the face with a spinning heel kick while he
has the steel char over his face)
Will:
whoa Cage is wight back into this now, and our Extweme Champion is wight back on
top in this match!
Dean:
so what he only his one silly move to regain the advantage!
(The
crowd are really getting into the match now, as the start chanting "RAGE OF
CAGE, RAGE OF CAGE")
Will:
and Adam Cage is devewoping quite a fowwowing with the fans in the short time he
has been here with GZW!
Dean:
yea but what do the fans know?
(Cage
now shoves the standing announcer out of the way as well as the bell ringer, and
he picks up the bell)
Will:
Adam Cage is getting to show us why he is the extweme Champions here!
Dean:
ahhhh geez and unfortunately I know about it!
(Pit
is getting back up to his feet, and Cage runs at him, and blasts the ring bell
while running, over Pits head. Pit is busted open, and both him, and Big C are
lying in a bloody mess, and Cage throws the Ring bell into the ring)
Will:
wook at the carnage here! there is only Cage who isn't busted open here!
Dean:
don't speak too soon!
(Cage
turns his attention to Big C now, and he whips him against the security rail, he
slumps down, and Cage climbs back onto the apron and comes off with a dropkick
to Big C, knocking the back of his head into the scurity rail, the fans begin to
chant "GZW GZW")
Will:
what a hectic battle here, and Cage is truely reigning supreme now here
(Cage
rolls Big C back into the ring, and he jumps up onto the top rope, and hits
the.......)
Will:
oh my god its Maxx Destruction (see roster!) there by Adam Cage, Big C is in a
reawwy bad way now!
Dean:
yea I bet he's s still seeing birds an stars going around his head from that
con-chair-toe against the ringpost!
(Cage
points to the turnbuckle and the fans cheer, he climbs to the top turnbuckle,
but out of nowhere come Pitfighter with a chair shot to Cage knocking him off
the turnbuckle, and as he falls his smacks his head on the commentry table)
Will:
Cage coming up cwose and personaw there with us!
Dean:
yea maybe he should have been paying more attention to Pitfighter there, than
handing out more offense to Big C!
(Pitfigher
now slowly begins to climb the turnbuckle, Big C, is starting to star a little,
and is now on all fours, Pit fighter climbs to the second rope of the
turnbuckle,. Big C is up onto one knee, and Pit gets his left foot up on to the
top rope. Big C now stands as Pitfighter, gets to the very top, and steadys
himself. Big C turns around to face Pit, and Pit dives off the top rope, and
hits a .....)
Will:
Missile from the top rope (see roster board)
Dean:
Big C, seems to be taking the majority of the punishment here!
(both
Pit and Big C lie ion the middle of the ring exhausted, meanwile Adam Cage is
crawling, and pulling himself back onto the apron)
Will:
aww thwee men giving it there aww here!
Dean:
soooo what they all look like loosers to me!
(Pitfighter
is first to move in the ring, and he struggles over to Big C, and slowly locks
in a sharpshooter on Big C)
Will:
the first submission move of the match, wiww Big C quit?
Dean:
how am I ment to know?
(the
referee is quickly into action to see if Big C quits, but Big C refuses to give
up, meanwhile Cage, has managed to get himself back into the ring)
Will:
this has got to be aww know surewy none of thes men can take much more!
Dean:
who knows?
(Cage
crawls a bit further, and crawls into the ringbell, he picks it up, and get up
to one knee slowly, meanwhile the referee continues to ask Big C is he quits, as
blood pours out from his head (think Austin vs Bret Hart) and blood also pours
from down Pitfighters head)
Dean:
have pitty on the men who have to clean this mess up guys!
Will:
I don't think they care, they're aww giving evewything they have got into this
match!
(Cage
manages to get to his feet, as Pit leans back further in the sharpshooter,
placing more pain to the back of Big C, and more blood begins to pour from Big
C's face)
Will:
one man can onwy take so much!
Dean:
yea and there taking it all and more!
(Cage
manages to smack the ringbell over Pit's head, releaseing the hold, Pit falls to
the mat, and Cage, kicks him under the bottom rope to the outside)
Will:
another shot to the head with the ringbeww on the awready bwoody Pitfighter, and
Cage, is now woooking to retain his extweme titwe!
Dean:
geesh this match has exceeded all my expectations tonight, I can't take anything
away from it!
(Big
C still lies motionless in the ring, Cage turns his attention to him, he puts
the ring bell in his left hand and drops an elbow to the back of Big C)
Will:
more punishment for Big C here!
Dean:
I'm thinking he must b out of it now!
(Cage
places the ringbell under Big C's head, and then locks in a cripler crossface)
Will:
why has Cage put the ringbeww there?
Dean:
who cares its surely over now!
(The
referee comes over to see if Big C quits, but he still refuses to give up, the
fans start up a chant of "Big C, Big C")
Dean:
I never knew Big C was a fan favourite!
Will:
I think they just admire his guts!
Dean:
or is it stpidity?
(Cage
releases Big C's head, and it smacks into the ringbell)
Dean:
the crossface is a move that is used frequenly by Big C he calls it Rough times,
how degrading this must be for Big C!
Will:
weww he can be damn pwoud of himsewf tonight no matter the outcome!
(Big
C is still refuseing to quit, and Cage releases his head again, locking the
Crossface in again, and this time Big C quits)
Will;
what a match that was!
Dean:
it was a gweat match, and I was going to fall asleep!
Will:
aww thwee men can go home proud tonight, they can go with there head hewd high,
as they aww know they gave there aww!
Dean:
and Cage still manages to howd onto the extweme title!
(the
crowd are chanting "GZW, GZW" as the cut to a commercial break!
---------------------------------------Commercial ----------------------------------------------
(the scene opens up with Ass Clown sat on the coach, he looks pritty peed off, and he picks up the phone and dials a few numbers)
RING RING RING RING
(the scene cuts to Happy Sumo on an armcahir on wheels with a box on his lap, the Armchair is moving along the road)
Ass: where the hell are you?
Sumo: Im off to my nephews hes a big GZW fan you know!
Ass: you git! I wanted to watch that
Sumo: dont worry I left Happy Sumos book of chat-up lines to help amuse you, you never know you might pick up some tips!
(the scene goes to the armchair rolling up a drive towards a front door)
Sumo: anyway Im here now Ill see you after the Pay Per view
(Sumo hangs up the phone, and Ass Clown looks upset)
Voice over: GZWs Acceptable Risks Pay Per View!, subscib
now for a great introductary offer! live 30th of November! DONT MISS OUT!
("The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot blasts through the speakers as the fans stand up and give an ovation for Yiroshi Tekenbu. The man steps into view from behind the curtain and walks down the ramp. On his way down a few people pat him on the back, signaling that he did a good job on Monday. Yiroshi climbs into the ring and walks around, getting a feel for it. Tekenbu stands still, looking down the ramp to face his next challenge.)
Dean: Here we go again, another boring match. You happen to bring a pillow with you Will? I think I am going to need it.
Will: Why awe your so wude? Evewy night I sit next to you, and you never change, unwess it is Pimp of one of the guys nobody ewse likes!
Dean: Hey now! No need to get all mad. I just go for the ones I know I can count on to get me another win in a bet.
("Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill suddenly hits as the fans go wild. The arena shakes in anticipation for the arrival of the Television Champion. Jason Makavelli finally steps out as the fans react even more. Jason walks down the ramp, title over shoulder, and determined look on his face. Jason rolls into the ring and holds up his title to prove what he holds. The ref takes the title away and holds it above his head, signaling what is on the line.)
Will: Wew, hewe we go! Remember folks, this is a six count faww match! No countouts, no submissions, pinfalls only!
Dean: Six count fall?! Am I supposed to really sit through this?! This means I am going to be bored twice as much!
(In the ring, Jason extends his hand to Yiroshi. Yiroshi smiles and shakes his opponents hand, the fans cheer louder at the site of this respect. The ref calls for the bell as the two start up. Yiroshi takes the first grapple, but Jason quickly takes the man down with a scoop slam. Yiroshi waists no time and gets to his feet. Jason tries to connect with a punch, but Tekenbu ducks it, and catches Makavellis head. He takes the TV champion down with a reverse neckbreaker. Yiroshi takes the pain like a man and gets to his feet. Jason then grabs his arm and twists it over his head. Yiroshi screams in pain, but Jason shows no remorse. He then drops his elbow on the twisted arm of Yiroshi. Jason waists no time and executes an armbar, putting more pressure on the arm of Tekenbu. Yiroshi tries his best to get out, and to success he rolls up Jason in a schoolboy, but only gets a one count.)
Dean: This match is pointless!
Will: Then dont watch it! I will do all the commentating.
Dean: No way! You will ruin the show. I have to atleast keep people entertained.
(Yiroshi waits for his opponent to get up, and the second he does Yiroshi takes him down with a clothesline. He picks Jason up, but Jason retaliates with a headlock takeover. As Yiroshi gets up Jason taunts the crowd. Yiroshi sees no amusement in it and takes off at Jason. He slaps the champs chest numerous time, each time the crowd gets louder with Woooooooooos. Yiroshi then tosses Jason into one of the turnbuckles, and proceeds to charge at him with all the might he has. Tekenbu jumps high off the ground and looks for a jumping body splash, but Jason moves out of the way, leaving Yiroshi falling into the turnbuckle. He hits face first into the steel. He stagers around for a while until he faces Jason. Jason then kicks the man in his stomach, grabs his head, runs on the turnbuckle, but Tekenbu tosses him off, sending him back first onto the mat.)
Will: Jason was wooking for the Bwooklyn Bulldowg, but Yiroshi counters!
Dean: Yes Will, I think we have eyes to see that!
Will: Evewybody has a bwain too, but you arent evewybody.
Dean: Such disrespect!
(Meanwhile, Tekenbu mounts over the now motionless Jason, the pounds his forehead with punch after punch. Jason then pulls Yiroshis hair, and literally tosses him off of him. Jason tried to stand up, and finally gets to his feet. Yiroshi is right on task, as he throws a few punches at Jason. Jason fights back with a few roundhouse fists of his own. Yiroshi has enough and pushes Jason into the ropes as Jason bounces back. Tekenbu grabs his opponents head and applies his trademark move, Slumber (Sleepherhold) The ref just stands there, ignoring the submission. Yiroshi looks up the ref confused. The ref tells him Submissions are not in apply. Yiroshi look frustrated and goes back to work. He turns around, but Jason is already set. Yiroshi goes down by a throat thrust by Jason. He quickly gets up, but Jason catches him in his arms, signaling for a belly-to-belly suplex. Yiroshi turns the tables and tosses Makavelli over his head with a Roshi Plex (belly-to-belly)
Dean: What a reversal. I think I am going to do some paper work while I am here.
(Jason struggles up to his feet, but is met with a kick to the stomach. Jason kneels down to catch his breath. Yiroshi sets Jasons head between his legs and looks to be going for a powerbomb. Jason reverses with a back body drop. Yiroshi gets to his feet as a foot flies his way. He ducks the roundhouse kick, which ends up knocking down the ref. Jason looks shocked as he checks on the defenseless man. Yiroshi takes advantage and low-blows Jason. Jason crouches in pain as Yiroshi puts his head between his legs once more. He then lifts up Jason, then drills him into the mat with a five star piledriver! Jason lies on the ground, not making a single move.)
Will: That couldnt have fewt too good thewe.
Dean: This match could be over if it wasnt for those wimpy refs!
(Yiroshi checks on the ref. Jason rolls out of the ring, not getting up after the piledriver. Yiroshi looks around the ring to see his opponent gone. He wanders aimlessly trying to find him. All of the sudden Jason pops up out of nowhere with a steel chair and bashes it over Tekenbus head. Jason tosses the chair into the ring and pins Yiroshi. The ref lays there motionless still. Jason looks frustrated and picks up Yiroshi. He places him between his legs, his head facing the chair below him. Jason then hooks his arm, lifts him up, and hits)
Will: Extweme Consequences (Double underhook piledriver) on the steew chaiw!!!
Dean: Finally! Jason looks to have this match over with.
(Jason shakes his head, and makes his way up to the top turnbuckle. He makes it to the top, then leaps off with his maneuver known as Brooklyn Star Press (Star Press)! He pins his opponent as the ref crawls over for the count.)
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Dean: He Kicked Out!!!!!!!!!!
Will: I cant bewieve what I just saw!
(Jasons eyes widen. Yiroshi tries to stand up, but Jason keeps on kicking him. Yiroshi catches one of Jasons kicks, and trips him, and suddenly applies an ankle lock, but Jason breaks loose fast. Yiroshi gets to his feet followed by Jason. Jason takes no time to go for a clothesline, but Yiroshi ducks it. Jason turns around, gets kicked in the gut, and gets Stunned (a la Stone Cold). He goes for a quick pin.)
One
Two
Three
Four
Kickout!!!
Dean: DAMN IT!!!
(Yiroshi stomps around the room and argues with the ref, stalking him around the ring. This gives Jason time to revive. Jason slowly but successively gets to his feet. He then kicks the chair to where it slide behind Yiroshi. Jason then grabs Tekenbu in a reverse DDT and connects with Nightmare on Newkirk Avenue (Eye of the Hurricane/Final Cut) right on the chair he slid behind Yiroshi. He quickly goes for a pin.)
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six!!!
Will: Jason Makavelli wins it! He retains his title!
Dean: Well, I guess one thing comes out good in the end.
Will: Whats that?
Dean: That the match is over!
(Jason staggers out of the ring and grabs his title. He walks up the ramp, looking down at his opponent, just now getting to his feet and realizing he lost his match.)
Will: Wadies and Gentwemen a numbew of weeks ago, the GZW Famiwy wost one of it's pwoudest sons. This man has given so much to GZW, and it was aww taken away by that big owd Deacon Kane in a woser weaves GZW match. This man is Biwwy Bond and a good fwiend of his, Basiwdon has been so kind as to put togethew a smaww memowial of the Smooth Wegacy in GZW. Take it away, Baz!
Dean: Bah!
~~~~ A Tribute ~~~~~
The scene fades in, and it’s Basildon Bond! He’s dressed in a full tuxedo, and has a pair of trademark Smooth Operator sunglasses on (Only $15.99 + P&P from www.GZWshop.com). He smiles at the camera, and does a bad (but slightly improved) eyebrow, smirk and peer.
Baz:
“The name’s Bond, Basildon Bond, and I’ve got something to show the GZW fans! You see, a lot of you, like Crystal and me, want Smooth back. I’ve seen him socially, and he’s fine, if a little down… but what do you expect from the guy who was screwed so badly by GZW? Anyway, I’m here to show you the Smooth tribute I’ve put together… a little bit of Smooth nostalgia for all you little Smooth Operators out there… run VT!”
The scene fades.
*
The screen is still black, and the bongo and snare edge introduction to “Smooth Operator” plays, and then the downward scale followed by the soothing jazz saxophone starts to play as a promotional picture of Smooth doing the eyebrow, the smirk, and the peer fades in. A series of action scenes play, fitting with the lyrics.
“Diamond life.”
A shot of Smooth hitting a Smooth Bomb (snap powerbomb from a DVD position) on Pimp plays…
“Lover boy.”
A scene of Smooth and Crystal kissing in the centre of the ring after a victory for Smooth.
“He moves in space with minimum waste…”
A Smooth Kick (Bob Holly dropkick) on Lone Gunman is shown, followed with a shot of him hitting a top rope sitout powerbomb on Union Jack.
“…and maximum joy!”
The scene where Smooth wins the Intercontinental title is shown, with Smooth’s face of elation.
“City lights…”
A scene of Smooth with Crystal, Firefly and Mrs. M, Celestia and Kool, and Baz walking through Manchester just before Dark Horizon is shown.
“…and
business nights.”
Smooth
and (the then) Fubu run to the ring, and take care of business with Smooth
hitting a spear and Fubu hitting a forearm smash on (the then) Maxx Steele.
“When
you require streetcar desire for higher heights.”
The fatal piledriver on Deacon off the top off the zerotron, through two tables
to the concrete floor.
“No
place for beginners or sensitive hearts.”
Smooth
floats over Pimp’s suplex attempt and drops him with a reverse DDT followed by
a heart punch.
“When
sentiment is left to chance.”
The
moment where Smooth declared his love for Crystal is shown, and then the shocked
faces of Magic and Crystal.
“No
place to be ending but somewhere to start.”
A scene from Smooth’s first match: Lucifer tapping out to a Troubleshooter
applied by Smooth with Tate watching on.
“No
need to ask.”
An
eyebrow and smirk shot.
“He's
a smooth operator.”
Smooth
applying the Smooth Operation to Magic who has been smashed through a table.
“Smooth
operator, smooth operator, smooth operator.”
A
lengthy shot of Smooth coming to the ring with Baz and Crystal in tow, hitting
low fives with the crowd.
“Coast
to coast, LA to Chicago, western male.”
Monarch
sends Smooth from one set of turnbuckles to the other, but Smooth rebounds off
them and hits a flying clothesline.
“Across
the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale!”
One of
Smooth’s earlier moments, coming onto the zerotron with some girl he’s never
met before.
“Face
to face, each classic case.”
Smooth
and Pimp staring each other out in the centre of the ring.
“We
shadow box and double cross.”
C2
cracking Smooth across the face after he’d just won the light-heavyweight
title!
“Yet
need the chase.”
Smooth running towards the ring brandishing a steel chair.
“A
license to love, insurance to hold.”
An
image of Smooth with his arm around Crystal, doing an official promo.
“Melts
all your memories and change into gold.”
Smooth
holding up the EWO Extreme title after beating Lucifer.
“His
eyes are like angels but his heart is cold.”
Eima Hunt is interviewing Deacon Kane and Smooth comes
out of nowhere and blasts him with a steel chair. Smooth, with his head heavily
bandaged, beats down on the giant with stomps from his steel toe boots and
thunderous chairshots.
“No
need to ask.”
A
dropkick in the CoCII to Dameon that sends him flying over the top rope.
“He's
a smooth operator.”
Smooth
dropping Magic with a Smooth Driver (Amityville Horror) and pinning him to
progress in the no. 1 contender tournament.
“Smooth
operator, smooth operator, smooth operator.”
Smooth’s triumphant moment on TNT when Pimp was trying to wax his legs and Luke
Laverne, Pitfighter, Gideon, Mooncat, the Haires, Diamond, Epic, the Firings,
Fubu, Firefly, T-Rex, Magic, and even UJ and the Claymores join Smooth on the
zerotron to offer him support!
Sade’s haunting voice continues to sing “smooth operator” as the scene fades showing the promotional picture of Smooth that was there at the beginning
Will: Moving, twuwy vewy moving. Thank you Basiwdon for such an insightfuw wook at the Smooth Opewatew. I couwd just tawk fow days about Smooths caweew in GZW, oh what a caw-
Dean: Aw would you look at the time? We gotta take a commercial break!!!
Handicap Match: No Disqualification-"The Enforcer" T-Rex vs. The StormRiders
(The commercial break
comes back to the ring with the Stormriders music playing, but the tag-team is
already in the ring. Suddenly #1 by
Nelly hits and the fans go wild. T-rex
runs out wanting to get started on the match.
He slides into the ring and gets pounded by Outlaw and Prey.
The two toss Rex off the ropes, waiting for him to bounce back.
They take him down with a double clothesline. The ref forces Outlaw to
his corner, which means it is Prey facing T-rex.
Prey tosses Rex into one of the turnbuckles. He charges at Rex and
squashes him in the turnbuckle. He
then locks his head and drops him with a running bulldog.
Prey taunts around the ring as Rex gets to his feet.)
Dean:
Prey showing all confidence here!
Will:
T-wex is stiww on his gwound. He
is up to his fweet now!
(Outlaws warns his
partner about T-rex, but the advice is too late.
T-rex takes out Prey with a tremendous big boot, sending him into his own
corner. Outlaw takes the tag of his
own and gets into the ring. Prey is
meanwhile sat in the turnbuckle, feeling his now numb mouth.
He goes back into his corner and watches his partner.
T-rex and Outlaw duke it out for a while, punch by punch.
Outlaw then bashes his knee into Rexs gut.
Rex bends over, out of breath. Outlaw
grabs Rex by the hand and Irish whips him against the ropes.
Rex comes back and is met with an executed spinning spinebuster (a la
Rhyno) Outlaw goes for a quick pin,
but only gets a two count. Rex
struggles up to his feet as Outlaw slaps his head, bugging Rex.
Rex gets up and pushes Outlaw down with force.
He then picks his opponent up and does a few backhand man slaps to
Outlaws face. Prey gets a little
mad at the actions and sneaks into the ring.
He clubs Rex on the back and is pushed by the ref, back into his corner.
Outlaw starts to choke on Rex while the ref is occupied.
Prey finally gets back into his place.
The ref catches Outlaw cheating and counts him down.
He gets to four and Outlaw releases the hold, but then applies it back on
instantly. The ref counts again,
and Outlaw lets go. This happens a
few more times until the ref pushes Outlaw away from Rex.
Outlaw looks to be shocked at this.)
Dean:
Referees these days! They
show no respect.
Will:
Sounds wike you.
Dean:
At least I dont pick my nose!
Will: * Guilty Face *
What awe you tawking about?
(Outlaw stands back up
and stares the ref into his eyes. Outlaw
then stalks the ref, but the ref takes none of it and pushes Outlaw again.
T-rex then gets up and charges at Outlaw, but he moves quickly out of the
way. Rex then collides into the
ref, squashing him in the turnbuckle. Prey
then gets into the ring as Rexs two opponents jump him.
They then pick up T-rex and plant him with a double DDT!)
Will:
Hewe we go again!
Dean:
He deserved it!
Will:
The ref?
Dean:
Yeah, him too!
(The crowds boos turn
into cheers quickly as Dameon and Hades race into the ring and tackle down The
StormRiders. Hades picks up Prey,
then plants him with Bluezertized (Even Flow DDT).
Hades rolls Prey out of the ring as they pick he joins his dad with
Outlaw. They pick the man up and
tosses him off the ropes. Once he
comes bouncing back, They do their double team maneuver Spinical (Double
Spinebuster). Suddenly Monarch and
Pimp come out and take out Dameon and Hades with steal chairs.
They wait for Rex to stand up and both hit him with a la Con-Chair-To!)
Dean:
What a move!
(The two start to
pound on Rex like crazy. The fans
then start to cheer again as Magic runs down to the ring.
He slides in and hits Monarch with a jumping big boot.
Pimp sees the angered Magic beside him.
Prey then gets back up and low-blows the former World Champion, Magic.
Pimp grins and goes to swing the chair, but Magic pulls Prey in the way,
resulting in Pimp hitting Prey! Magic
then looks at Pimp. Pimp runs out
of the ring as Magic chases him into the crowd.
Rex then stands back up, clutching his ribs.
He looks down on Prey and picks him up.
He sets Prey on his shoulders, then slams him down with)
Will:
Extinction (Reverse Powerbomb/Electric Chair Drop)!!!
Dean:
No!
(Rex goes for the pin
as the ref gets back up and slowly counts.)
One
(Outlaw and Monarch
get into the ring)
Two
(Hades and
Dameon pulls them out of the ring just in time)
Three!!!
Will:
Wex wins it!!! Rex beat the
StormRiders!
Dean:
How is this possible!
Will:
I dont know, but Dameon and Hades cost them the win.
Dean:
Damn right they did. Someone
suspend them!
(Back in the ring Rex picks up the chair as Hades and Dameon roll in. Prey, Outlaw, and Monarch back up from the ring as Rex protects them with the chair. Monarch and Outlaw both carry Prey up the ramp as the scene cuts to a commercial, showing Rex, Dameon, and Hades standing tall.)
---------------------- whereabouts unknown! --------------------
(the scene opens up as Maxxine is stood alone in a room, when suddenly the
lights go out for a minute or so)
Voice: ahhhhhhhhhhh
(The lights begin to flicker, and as they come back on a person wearing a black
outfit, is seen exiting the room, with Maxxine layed on the floor unconcious)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
| Main Event: Gauntlet Match for the Light Heavyweight Championship |
Siu Ann Wong:
“Welcome back to Travesty everyone! I’m Siu Ann Wong, and with me is…”
Jackie Lee:
“Jackie Lee… conichuwa!”
Siu Ann:
“I’m not going to say it this week… actually, yes I am! Stop using that silly greeting!”
Jackie:
“You’re just jealous you don’t have a cool catchphrase like me!”
Siu Ann:
“Anyway, up next is our main event…”
Jackie:
“Well done to all at GZW for assigning us to where we belong!”
Siu Ann:
“Shut up Jackie! This is the no disqualification light-heavyweight gauntlet match! ‘Kool Hand’ Luke Laverne has to defend his title against every single light heavyweight in the division! How can he possibly stand up to this challenge.”
Jackie:
“Simple answer… he can’t!”
Siu Ann:
“It is one hell of a challenge… I just hope Luke is gonna be good for it!”
“The Message” by Mike Peters and the Poets of Justice comes on over the PA, and Kool appears on the entranceway accompanied by Mooncat!
Jackie:
“Bloody woman… she’s Firefly’s valet, not Kool’s!”
Siu Ann:
“But they’re very much in love… and I think Celestia wants to show the world that what happened last week on TNT is forgiven.”
Jackie:
“That was SO funny seeing Kool dropkick his baldy girlfriend!”
The crowd are cheering wildly for the couple. Kool holds up the belt, and Lez holds up her customised chair with the moon painted on it.
Announcer:
“The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the no disqualification gauntlet match for the light-heavyweight championship. Introducing first, the champion, accompanied to the ring by ‘Mooncat’ Celestia L’yark, ‘Kool Hand’ Luke Laverne!”
Kool gets in the ring, with a look of concentration. Lez, on the outside nods her support and looks a little tense.
Siu Ann:
“Both Kool and Lez look tense… it’s bad enough having to face the whole light-heavyweight division, but there is a mystery opponent in there that has not been identified!”
“Violent Mood Swings” by Stabbing Westwards hits the PA…
Announcer:
“And his first opponent, ‘El Gambit’ Santiago De Touwce!”
El G comes running to the ring, throwing his jacket aside and brandishing his cosh. He leaps into the ring and swings it at Luke, who ducks.
Siu Ann:
“El Gambit taking advantage of the no DQ!”
Jackie:
“’Cos El G is the man!”
El G spins around and swings it again. Kool does a double-handed block and swings his inside fist down into El G’s gut. He goes straight for an Incinerator, but El G pushes him off and into the ropes. El G hits a clothesline.
Jackie:
“This one could be over quickly. El G might be the only one in the whole gauntlet!”
Lez gets on the apron as El G Irish whips Kool. Kool reverses and Lez smashes El G with the steel chair right on the back of the head!
Jackie:
“Hey! She cheated!”
Siu Ann:
“It’s no DQ Jackie! That was as legal as a headlock!”
Jackie:
“But good guys don’t cheat!”
Kool grabs El G, and hooks him up straight into a…
Siu Ann:
“Rock of Gibraltar DDT! Kool just hit El Gambit’s finisher on El Gambit!”
Kool hooks the leg.
1…
Jackie:
“How dare he!”
2…
Siu Ann:
“Well he knows it’s an effective manouvre!”
3!
DING DING DING!
Jackie:
“After Lez cheated, Kool just stole one from El Gambit!”
“Rap Superstar” by Cypress Hill hits the PA, and Jason Makavelli walks slowly to the ring, looking glum.
Siu Ann:
“It’s obvious that Jason doesn’t want to be a part of this cruel match!”
As Lez gets down from the apron, Jason gets into the ring and offers a hand to Kool. They shake.
Jackie:
“How sickening!”
Siu Ann:
“I think it’s nice!”
They lock up, and it’s Jason who gets the advantage with a headlock. Kool bounces him against the ropes and hits a flying forearm on Jason’s return. He pulls him up, but Jason brushes his arms away and hits a flurry of rights.
Jackie:
“Looks like Makavelli wants the belt though… if he was ‘that’ honourable, he’d have laid down for Kool to pin him!”
Siu Ann:
“Kool wouldn’t have wanted that!”
Jason, having backed Kool into the corner, pulls him up onto the top rope… setting him up for a top rope powerbomb!
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! Don’t do that Jason! You’ll kill him!”
Jackie:
“Go Fubu… I mean Jason! Punish Kool!”
Jason leaps into the air for the powerbomb… but MID-AIR Kool takes the momentum, and reverses it into a hurancanrana counter!!!!
Siu Ann:
“Goodness, goodness gracious! Luke just reversed a top rope powerbomb into a hurancanrana in mid-air! I’ve only ever seen one other man ever do that!”
Kool goes for the cover!
1…
Jackie:
“Your beloved Firefly… I know! It’s a crap move. Jason’ll be kicking out any second now!”
2…
Siu Ann:
“Even Jason Makavelli isn’t going to kick out of a counter like that!”
3!
DING DING DING
Siu Ann:
“And yes it was Firefly… he did it to Union Jack in HKWF.”
Jason gets up shakily and nods with respect to Kool as “Mr Writer” by the Stereophonics plays. With Clancy McClean following, Epic Mazur runs to the ring wielding Clancy’s steel briefcase.
Siu Ann:
“Here come’s Epic!”
Jackie:
“The next light-heavyweight champ is coming!”
Epic slides into the ring and smashes the briefcase across the back of Kool’s head!
Siu Ann:
“Oh no! This could be all over already!”
Epic goes for the cover!
1…
Jackie:
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”
2…
Lez is on the top rope, steel chair in hand! She leaps off and hits a top-rope Arabian legdrop onto the back of Epic’s head! The count is broken at the last millisecond!
Siu Ann:
“Save by Mooncat!”
Jackie:
“Damn her! This isn’t a tag match!”
Siu Ann:
“But it’s no DQ… I thought you liked that stipulation!”
Clancy is in the ring, and starts bad mouthing Lez. Meanwhile, Kool and Epic are both down and not moving. Clancy says something about the kitchen… and Lez boots him in the groin!
Siu Ann:
“Go Lez! Don’t let people like McClean say things like that!”
Lez locks on the Catnap (Million Dollar Dream) on Clancy!
Jackie:
“What’s she doing! Clancy McClean isn’t in this match! Mooncat is assaulting Clancy!”
Epic and Kool are struggling to their feet… but it is Epic who spots the steel chair. He smashes Lez around the back of the head, breaking her hold on Clancy… but Luke grabs his arms from behind, twists him around and hits…
Siu Ann:
“An incinerator! (Unprettier) Kool just hit Firefly’s finisher!”
Kool with the cover… Lez and Clancy are down.
1…
2…
Jackie:
“He CHEATED!”
3!
DING DING DING!
Kool looks to Lez who is getting up groggily.
Jackie:
“I hope she’s really hurt the interfering hussie!”
Siu Ann:
“You really are a nasty person, aren’t you Jackie.”
“In the End” by Linkin Park hits the PA.
Jackie:
“Adam ‘should be put in a’ Cage!”
Sure enough, Cage comes running to the ring. Lez makes sure that Clancy and Epic are out of the ring as Cage slides in. He is met by a right hand, but he blocks it, grabs Kool’s arm, and hits a short clothesline.
Siu Ann:
“Quite how Cage can run to the ring after his brutal match earlier, I don’t know. But Luke has already taken a hell of a beating!”
Cage pulls up Kool and snapmares him over, following it with a vicious boot to the spine that echoes around the arena!
Siu Ann:
“Owy, owy, ow!”
Cage isn’t finished, and hits a low dropkick to the back of Kool’s head. However, instead of capitalising further, he turns to the camera by the side of the ring and screams: “You’re next Pitfighter!” Luke get up groggily, shaking the cobwebs, grabs him, and sends Cage into the ropes with an Irish whip. Kool bounces off the opposite rope and hits a cross body into a pin.
1…
Siu Ann:
“Could Luke have it? He may just get this ‘cos Cage has already fought tonight.”
2…
Kickout!
Jackie:
“Even ‘should be put in a’ Cage was gonna kick out of that crappy move!”
Cage boots Kool in the gut and goes for a Nova (evenflow DDT) but with the move scouted, Kool pushes him off and Cage lands flat on his back!
Siu Ann:
“Well scouted move by Kool! He’s obviously done his homework!”
Kool grabs Cage’s legs, steps inside, turns him over and locks on…
Jackie:
“A silencer! How DARE Kool steal Lone Gunman’s move?!?!”
Cage is screaming in pain! Kool leans further back…
Jackie:
“You know Gunman is going to silence Kool for such insolence!”
Cage, in the middle of the ring, with the move synched in, has no choice. He taps the mat.
DING DING DING!
Jackie:
“Bye Cage… don’t know who was stupid enough to let you out of it. Oh yeah Siu Ann! What was with getting the details of his title defences wrong last week? Not done your homework? Most unlike you!”
Siu Ann:
“I just got caught up in the moment of such an intense match! I was… Oh my goodness! No!”
“The Private Psychadelic Reel” by the Chemical Brothers comes over the PA. Kool and Lez look at each other in horror!
Siu Ann:
“That’s Celestia L’yark’s music! Surely Kool doesn’t have to face Lez?”
Jackie:
“Ah hahahahahaha! Moonslut is a light-heavyweight! I never thought about that! Kool has to fight his girlie in the gauntlet!”
Siu Ann:
“Surely not! Surely Celestia isn’t the mystery opponent in this gauntlet!”
Jackie:
“Ah hahahahahahaha! I think she is! What genius by the booking committee!”
Kool and Lez are both shaking their heads. Lez is refusing to get in the ring. The ref is encouraging her to enter as her music continues to play.
Siu Ann:
“Lez is having none of this… and I don’t blame her!”
Jackie:
“She should be suspended for such insolence!”
Suddenly, “Troublesome ‘91” by Tupac comes onto the PA.
Jackie:
“Tate Edmonson!”
Siu Ann:
“What’s he doing?”
Tate comes onto the zerotron with a mike…
Tate:
“Hi Luke! Hi Lezzy! How you like the match I made for you? You’ve always said you want a ‘real’ contract Lezzy… so why are you chickening out now! You FAILED to beat UJ. You FAILED to get a shot at the IC title in the Contest of Champions. Don’t fail now Lezzy! I’ll tell you why… because if you don’t fight in this gauntlet… and I MEAN fight, you are FIRED!”
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! How could Tate be so evil?”
Jackie:
“He’s great!”
Lez looks to be really upset, and she looks at Kool. Kool grimly beckons her into the ring, and she reluctantly gets in.
Tate:
“Good luck Lezzy! Oh, and if you win… you’ll have to fight the rest of the people in the gauntlet by the way! Have fun!”
Tate leaves to a chorus of boos.
Siu Ann:
“That’s not how a gauntlet match works! Tate Troublesome is just a nasty person!”
Jackie:
“I like Tate more every day!”
Lez and Kool circle one another. He goes for a tie-up, but she boots him in the gut, following up with a swinging neckbreaker, and a leg drop into a pin.
1…
Kickout!
Jackie:
“Why do people bother to cover opponents after weak moves?”
Siu Ann:
“It wears an opponent down having to kick out.”
Jackie:
“Whatever…”
As Kool gets up, Lez throws a right hand. Kool ducks it and grabs her by the waist. He then throws her over with a release belly to belly suplex.
Siu Ann:
“Nice move by Kool!”
Lez is holding her back, and Kool suddenly looks concerned. He walks over to see if she’s okay… and she smirks, rolling him up into a small package!
Siu Ann:
“Mooncat was playing possum!”
1…
2…
Jackie:
“I love it!”
Lez lets go of the pin!
Jackie:
“What!?!?! Lezzy could have been the light-heavyweight champ right there!”
As they both get up, Lez smirks at Kool and mouths “Don’t underestimate me, hon.” to him. Kool smiles back and nods knowingly.
Siu Ann:
“I think Lez just made a point to her boyfriend there!”
Jackie:
“And there I was thinking she was trying to screw him out of the title… Should have known better! I hate goodie goodies!”
Lez and Kool tie up, and Lez drops to her knees hitting a jaw breaker. As he gets up, she whips him into the ropes. On his return, she slaps on the…
Siu Ann:
“Catnap! Lez’s modified sleeper (Million Dollar Dream)! It could be goodnight for Kool!”
Jackie:
“I hope so… he’s performed SO badly in this match!”
Siu Ann:
“How can you say that?!?!”
Lez is impatient, and drops Kool with a Catnap Slam (reverse X-Factor from a catnap/ million dollar dream hold). She runs to the far turnbuckles, and ascends!
Siu Ann:
“Mooncat’s going to fly!”
Lez stalks her boyfriend and flies off the top rope with a long distance frog splash… only for Kool to roll out the way at the last second.
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! Mooncat missed the Catsplash!”
Jackie:
“Not all cats land on their feet obviously… Mooncat just landed on her tits!”
Siu Ann:
“Wash your mouth out! Wait a second, Kool with a roll up!”
1…
Kool leans in heavily.
2…
3!
DING DING DING!
Jackie:
“Back to the kitchen Lezzy!”
Siu Ann:
“She’ll kick your ass if she ever hear you said that Jackie!”
Lez looks disappointed, but gives Kool a little kiss and a pat on the back. “In Too Deep” by Sum41 begins to play as she exits the ring.
Siu Ann:
“Next competitor looks to be Hades… an ex-champion in this division!”
Hades does indeed come running to the ring, and vaults over the ropes, looking keen to get into the match.
Siu Ann:
“Hades is pumped up!”
Jackie:
“Who cares?”
Hades steams in towards Kool, who drops him with a drop toe hold… straight away Kool goes for an STF! However, Hades is fresh and manages to pull himself to the ropes quickly.
Siu Ann:
“If Kool had got that STF on Hades, it would have been over in a hurry!”
Jackie:
“Well he didn’t… shame! Blue boy is already annoying me!”
Kool grabs Hades as he gets up and Irish whips him. Hades counters with a middle rope lionsault onto a standing opponent! He hooks the leg!
Siu Ann:
“What an acrobatic move from Hades!”
1…
Jackie:
“Guess it was okay.”
2…
Siu Ann:
“After all that Luke’s been through, could Hades have this one?”
Kickout, on the last second!
Jackie:
“Shit! I wish this match was over!”
Hades is arguing with the ref, and Kool sneaks up behind hitting a schoolboy roll up!
1…
Siu Ann:
“Arguing with the ref could prove to be Hades’s downfall!”
2…
Kickout!
Hades jumps up in anger and charges at Kool, to be met by a boot to the stomach followed by a…
Siu Ann:
“Stunner! Kool just hit a stunner!”
Kool runs to the top rope, jumps onto it and leaps off for a top rope legdrop right across Hades’s throat! He hooks the leg!
1…
Siu Ann:
“With a Final Kool Off legdrop from Kool, it’s gotta be over!”
2…
Jackie:
“Someone PLEASE finish this loser!”
3!
DING DING DING!
Siu Ann:
“Kool really might be able to do this! I never thought it possible!”
“James Bond re-version” by Moby hits the speakers…
Jackie:
“I just can’t believe that chump Basildon Bond is in this match!”
Baz comes onto the entranceway, dressed like Smooth and accompanied by Crystal, and does a bad attempt at Smooth’s eyebrow and smirk.
Siu Ann:
“These two are bravely trying to hold up Smooth’s legacy!”
Jackie:
“And how pathetic they look doing it! He’s gone! Get over it!”
Baz has a microphone; he starts to talk.
Baz:
“Smooth is gone! But he’s NOT forgotten! Smooth’s legacy will…”
Suddenly, Dean appears with a steel chair from the back! He blindsides Crystal smashing her across the back of the head. Baz turns to see the steel chair come straight at him and gets it right in the face!
Siu Ann:
“Oh NO! How could Dean do such a thing?”
Jackie:
“Because Baz is a pathetic and irritating wannabe? I don’t like Dean, he’s a shit commentator, but I LOVE what he just did to Baz!”
Dean isn’t finished. He pulls up Baz and DDTs him onto the steel chair. He picks up the microphone.
Dean:
“Smooth may be gone, but you’re still here Basildon… and Dean Fisher just kicked your ass! If you two members of Team Smooth are here, then Team Pimp’s job isn’t over! We will beat you and beat you until you run from GZW with your tails between your legs. Hey! Ref! Count this piece of crap out!”
The ref has no choice and begins the count. Kool and Lez look on in disgust.
1…
2…
3…
4…
Siu Ann:
“What a despicable act from Dean Fisher! He’s been hanging around Pimp for too long!”
5…
6…
Jackie:
“Bet Kool’s loving this! Getting a breather!”
7…
8…
Siu Ann:
“He looks pretty miffed about what Dean has done that to Baz!”
9…
Jackie:
“Yeah right. All an act.”
10!
DING DING DING!
Baz isn’t moving, and Dean spits on him and Crystal. EMT’s come running to help them out. Kool and Lez shake their heads in disgust. Suddenly “War” by War (the theme to Rush Hour) comes over the PA.
Jackie:
“Surely not?! I thought that this was a joke!”
Siu Ann:
“Here comes Alburt Wuchie!”
Jackie:
“First a bad cameraman; now a bad interviewer… this match is a farce!”
Wuchie comes running down the aisle, looking pumped! Wuchie gets in the ring and does a display of his Kung Wuchie skills; Kool looks on with a raised eyebrow.
Jackie:
“Oh God! Somebody please shoot me in the head!”
Wuchie finally attacks Kool with a wild right hook. Kool ducks and grabs Wuchie by the throat. He attempts to go for a choke slam, but wuchie hits a chop to the neck breaking the hold. Immediately, he grabs Kool’s head and hits a Wuchbuster (jumping knee into the forehead).
Siu Ann:
“Ow! Alburt showing that he can actually wrestle here! Maybe Firefly’s lessons are working!”
With Kool on the floor, Wuchie starts celebrating and showbaoting for the crowd. Kool gets up and sneaks up behind Alburt: he grabs his waist and hits a German suplex into a bridge.
1…
Jackie:
“Sneak attack by that dishonourable cheater Kool!”
2…
3!
DING DING DING!
Siu Ann:
“Well that was quick!”
Jackie:
“Who next? Mrs. Murakame?”
“Denial” by Sevendust hits the PA, and as Kool rolls Wuchie out of the ring, Manic Depression runs to the ring. He immediately sneak attacks Kool and hits a German suplex into a bridge from behind!
1…
Jackie:
“The same move that Kool did to Wuchie! And Wuchie is harder than Kool! It’s over!”
2…
Siu Ann:
“Kickout Luke!”
Kickout… at the last second!
Manic pulls up Kool and drops him back down with a DDT. He rolls over into a cover.
1…
Siu Ann:
“Big DDT! Will it be enough!”
2…
Jackie:
“Oh I hope so!”
Kickout!
Manic looks angry, but keeps focused, and stalks Kool. As Kool gets to his feet, Manic hits him with a blatant low blow! From there, he rolls him up for another cover.
Jackie:
“Low blow is legal in this type of match!”
As the ref goes to the ground for the count, Manic puts his feet on the ropes for extra leverage!
1…
Siu Ann:
“That’s not legal though!”
2…
Lez runs up and hits a low blow on Manic who crumples. Kool capitalises into a small package!
1…
Jackie:
“Hey! No fair!”
2…
3!
DING DING DING!
Manic is furious, and goes fro Lez… but the ref restrains him and sends him to the back throwing insults at her as he goes.
“Cops and Robbers” by Bo Diddley starts to play, and an obviously confident, sneering Len walks onto the entranceway.
Siu Ann:
“After everything Kool has been through, he has to take on the number one contender to the Intercontinental championship!”
Len comes down the aisle, and Mooncat is there with her chair to meet him. He laughs nastily at her and gestures extremely rudely to her. She just smirks…
Siu Ann:
“Such obscene behaviour from Len. Unlike Lez to be unfazed by it!”
Suddenly, someone comes running from the back. She is 4ft 10 and has a kimono on and a handbag.
Jackie:
“Oh no! Len look behind you!”
Siu Ann:
“It’s Mrs. Murakame!”
Mrs. M steams in and smashes Len on the back of the head with her handbag. Lez runs towards him as he staggers from the blow.
Jackie:
“That’s cheating!”
Simultaneously, Mrs. M swings her handbag, and Lez swings her chair. They sandwich his head between their weapons of choice in a weird version of the con chair to!
Jackie:
“That’s REALLY cheating!”
Lez and Mrs. M drag the half-conscious Len to the ring. Kool smiles warmly to Mrs. M and pins Len.
1…
Jackie:
“This is the biggest travesty I’ve ever seen!”
2…
Siu Ann:
“Finally some revenge for Mrs. Murakame!”
3!
DING DING DING!
Jackie:
“I can’t believe this! Kool only has three more opponents!”
“I See Death Around the Corner” by Tupac blares on the PA, and out comes Pitfighter! He has a stop sign in his hands and runs to the ring as Kool pushes Len’s prone body out of the ring.
Siu Ann:
“Here comes a well prepared Pitfighter!”
Pit steams in to hit Kool with the stop sign, but Kool catches is. They struggle momentarily for it, but it’s Pit who gets the advantage with a boot to the stomach. He yanks the sign away and then creams Kool around the head with it!
Siu Ann:
“Owy, owy, ow!”
Kool is still standing, and gets another hard smack with the stop sign.
Jackie:
“Wow! I’m actually starting to like Pitfighter!”
Pit hits Kool again, but he’s still standing. With a 360, high impact spin blow, Pit finally floors Kool as Lez looks on in horror!
Siu Ann:
“Such brutality from Pitfighter! He’s really going for this belt!”
Pit drags the vulnerable Kool and hangs him in a tree of woe position on the turnbuckles. From there he puts the stop sign on his face and goes to the opposite corner.
Siu Ann:
“Oh no! I think I know what this is going to be!”
Pitfighter runs at the stop sign and dropkicks it right into Kool’s face! Kool’s limp body flies from the tree of woe position and crumples to the floor, motionless.
Siu Ann:
“Deathpitt! It’s over! Pitfighter just hit the deathpitt… one of the most devastating moves in GZW history!”
Pitfighter pulls the limp Kool from the ropes and covers him.
1…
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Adam Cage jumps over the guardrail and ascends the top rope!
2…
Cage flies off the top rope and hits a 450 splash into a double axe handle blow on the back of Pitfighter’s head to break the count!
Jackie:
“What a move!”
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! Adam Cage must really hate Pitfighter! He just cost him the light-heavyweight championship!”
Cage pulls up Pitfighter and boots him in the gut, he then drops him with a Nova (evenflow DDT) onto the stop sign!
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! Cage is destroying Pitfighter!”
Jackie:
“And it’s all legal in a no DQ match! Ah hahahahahahahaha!”
With Kool still motionless, Mooncat slides into the ring to see if he’s okay. However, the focus is on Cage and Pit, because Cage hasn’t finished yet! He pulls up Pit and quickly drops him down again onto the stop sign with a Last Resort Brainbuster!
Siu Ann:
“Owy, owy, ow!”
Cage STILL isn’t finished! He puts the stop sign onto Pitfighter’s chest and ascends the top rope!
Siu Ann:
“Don’t tell me he’s going to…”
Cage hits a Jeopardy (450 splash) right on the stop sign on top of Pitfighter!
Siu Ann:
“Goodness, goodness gracious!”
Jackie:
“Holy shit!”
Cage has hurt himself from the move, but pulls Kool towards the beaten body of Pit, and drapes Kool’s arm over him. The ref shakes his head momentarily, but then counts the pin.
1…
Siu Ann:
“Cage just screwed Pitfighter, big time!”
2…
Jackie:
“Suddenly, I like Adam Cage a lot more!”
3!
DING DING DING!
Siu Ann:
“But Kool is out cold after the Deathpitt! How can he defend against the next man in the gauntlet?”
The ref is getting Mooncat, Cage and Pitfighter out of the ring as “Funky Cold Medina” by Tone Loc comes onto the PA. Diamond comes onto the entranceway shaking his head with a sad look on his face.
Siu Ann:
“It’s Diamond… but he’s refusing to participate in this match after what just happened! He doesn’t want to pin Kool in his current state OR take the victory that was Pitfighter’s.”
Jackie:
“What a pussy!”
Diamond isn’t moving, and shakes his head. He gestures for a mike and goes back to the entrance to get one… and gets smashed in the head with a sledgehammer!
Siu Ann:
“What?!”
Jackie:
“Who?!”
Diamond falls to the floor clutching his head, and the culprit steps onto the zerotron with the sledgehammer in his hand…
Siu Ann:
“El Gambit!!!”
Jackie:
“Serves Diamond right for what he did to El Gambit’s bike!”
Siu Ann:
“No action deserves that!”
Kool is still motionless in the ring, but everyone’s eyes are on the zerotron because El Gambit hasn’t finished. He drives the hammer into Diamond’s ribs! The Dark Lord, who has a kendo stick, joins El G on the rampway grinning evilly! He starts cracks Diamond in the ribs with the kendo stick!
Siu Ann:
“Someone stop this! It’s two against one! This is horrible!”
El G hits Diamond in the ribs again as Dark Lord watches on laughing.
Jackie:
“Carry on Gambit! Carry on! This is great!”
Mooncat runs up the aisle to help out the defenceless Diamond, but out of the crowd, behind her back comes Len DuBray! He coshes her from behind and she goes sprawling!
Siu Ann:
“Oh NO! How can this be happening! Len DuBray just coshed Mooncat for trying to help out Diamond!”
Jackie:
“This is GREAT!”
With El G and Dark Lord laying the boots into Diamond’s brutalised ribs, and Len laying the boot into Lez’s profusely bleeding head, the scene looks grim. The ref has no choice but to count out Diamond! He calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Siu Ann:
“This is horrible! Diamond and Lez are being brutalised AND Diamond has been counted out! Somebody do something!”
“Name of the Game! By Crystal Method hits the PA and the crowd erupt with cheers! Gideon and Nathanial Davies come running from the back: Nathanial with a steel chair and Gideon with his trademark barbed wire gloves!
Jackie:
“Hey! They aren’t light heavyweights! Get ‘em away!”
Nathanial cracks El G across the skull with the chair as Gid runs towards Len.
Siu Ann:
“But they ARE Diamond’s friends!”
Gid punches Len hard across the face, ripping his face open with huge gashes! Dark Lord swings his kendo stick at Nathanial who ducks. He pulls it back again… but it is yanked out of his hands by Firefly who has just come onto the entranceway to help!
Siu Ann:
“Go Peacekeepers! And Firefly is here to help!”
Jackie:
“Shut up Siu Ann!”
Len ducks another punch from Gid, but with a look of pure fear in his eyes vaults the guard rail and high tails it! Firefly cracks Dark Lord with his own kendo stick, sending the HKWF star to the floor to join El Gambit who has been taken out by Nathanial.
Meanwhile, Gunman jumps the guardrail by the ring, slides in, and covers the still unmoving Kool! The ref goes down for the count!
Siu Ann:
“Oh no! The final wrestler in the gauntlet! ‘Lone Gunman’ John Taylor is going to steal this!”
1…
Jackie:
“YES! YES! YES! The belt is coming back to the HKWF!”
2…
Sui Ann:
“Oh no! Not like this! El Gambit, the Dark Lord and Len DuBray must have been a part of this plan! This is a set up!”
3…. NO!!!!!!!!
Kickout at the very last second by Kool!
Jackie:
“What!?!?!?! No, no NO! How did he manage that?!?!?!”
Siu Ann:
“Goodness gracious! I don’t believe it!”
With the Peacekeepers tending to Diamond and Lez, Gunman starts hassling the ref. The ref shakes his head, saying it was only a two count.
Siu Ann:
“Hassling the ref is always a bad move.”
Jackie:
“Not in a no DQ match! He can’t disqualify you!”
Gunman pushes the ref… once, twice, three times. On the third time, the ref falls onto his backside!
Siu Ann:
“Bullying the ref isn’t going to make it a three count!”
Gunman pulls up the ref by the shirt and draws back his fist… but Kool is up, and low blows Gunman, then rolls him up in a schoolboy! With a look of anger in his face, the ref jumps down.
1
2
3!
The ref hits the quickest count possible, and calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Siu Ann:
“Oh my goodness gracious! Kool did it! ‘Kool Hand’ Luke Laverne did it! He’s defended the light-heavyweight title against every man on the light-heavyweight roster!”
Jackie:
“Quick count! Quick count! The ref counted too quickly!”
Siu Ann:
“What was that about threatening the ref not being a problem in a no DQ match?”
Jackie:
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! We wus screwed! HKWF own that belt!!!!!”
Gunman can’t believe it and starts screaming in anger! The ref takes the opportunity to slide out of the ring. Gunman gives chase, but the ref runs and hides behind Nathanial, Gid and FF who block Gunman’s route up the entranceway.
Siu Ann:
“I bet Gunman had evil intentions for that poor ref, but they were stopped by the Peacekeepers!”
Gunman fumes, and leaps over the barrier as Gid goes for him. Meanwhile, Kool has the belt in his hand and uses the ropes to get up. He holds the belt up high to a huge cheer from the crowd.
Siu Ann:
“Look at the ovation for Luke!”
Jackie:
“It’s revolting! I think I’m gonna be sick!”
Siu Ann:
“Well that’s all we have time for on Friday Travesty! I’m Siu Ann Wong, and on behalf of Jackie Lee and everyone else on the Travesty commentary team, goodnight!”
There is a moments pause.
Siu Ann:
“Not gonna say sayonara, Jackie?”
Jackie:
“NO! I’m pissed off, and the fans don’t deserve my cool catchphrases!”
Siu Ann:
“Night everyone!”
Scene fades out with Kool heading towards Mooncat, who is also just staggering to her feet. There are EMT in the background tending to Diamond as Gid, Nathanial and FF look on with worried looks.