Who is the Psychic Friend that lives in my house?
If you are still reading this, you should be able to tell that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PSYCHIC POWERS!!! My attitude comes from my reading, as a teen, about Ehrich Weiss (better known as Harry Houdini). After his mother's death he sought out the woman that had been considered to be the greatest medium of the time. She gave him a terrific reading, going so far as to include the voice of his mother describing the afterlife to him. When the reading was done, Houdini announced to the world that the medium was a fraud and his conclusion was derived from a trivial amount of logic. Since his mother had never seen fit to learn or to use English during her time on Earth, why would she use it when talking to him from the afterlife? It was from the moment I read those words I became a skeptic. I hope to demonstrate the lunacy and fraudulent nature of the Personal Enrichment Society! Read the rest of my story, and decide for yourself.
July 5th, 1999 about 5:45PM, I answered the phone. The conversation went as follows:
Me: "Hello"
Phone Solicitor: "Hello, I'm your Psychic Friend from the Personal Enrichment Society. How are you today?"
Me: "If you're the one that is psychic, you should be able to tell me!"
Phone Solicitor: "Sir, I'm just an operator."
Me: "Okay! What's the pitch?"
Phone Solicitor: "Your phone has been picked for 2 psychic readings!"
Me: "I'm sorry, my phone is an electronic device that can't even use such things! Goodbye!"
I thought that would be the last time I'd hear from the Personal Enrichment Society, but I was wrong! In any sane organization, alarm bells would have gone off in the operator's head and my phone number and address would have been erased from their contact list. But what do I know, they are the psychic ones. Wednesday, July 14, as I was going through the day's mail, I chanced upon a card. Here are both sides.
I've taken liberty to erase my street address, the PES phone number, access codes, and the mail bar code, but all other information is intact.
No one by that name has ever been registered as living at my address! If they really have psychic abilities, why didn't they address the card to one of the occupants by name? At the very least, they could have done a simple property search and sent the card addressed to the real owner. Even weak psychic abilities would have told them that none of the residents at my address would consider themselves as a "Psychic Friend".
"It's a lucky thing I'm able to reach you."
Your opening line is very poorly chosen. The United States Postal Service is quite reliable and luck rarely is involved in delivery of junk mail. If they want to invoke luck, they should consider their own, since they obviously sent the card to someone that hates this kind of junk mail.
"I've got some important information that will amaze you."
Amaze me, probably not! I know that someone well practiced in cold readings can gather a huge amount of information from the choice of words, accent, pacing and other nuances of a caller. They then spit that information back in a way that gets the caller to give them more information they can spit back. If you remain silent, they have nothing to work with and will blame you for their failure. Boredom is what I'd be faced with.
"It's about the future. Could love, money or career be involved?"
Since most people that go to a psychic want to know about their love life, their financial security, or their career, this line should lure in those with weak minds and a soon to be much lighter wallet.
"As a psychic, I want to hear from you at once. In fact, I believe it's so important I'm going to give you the chance to speak to one of my gifted associates anytime, day or night for a special FREE sample of psychic reading."
If you were psychic, you would know I think your a fraud. In fact, had you been an honest psychic that had something important to tell me, you would have been able to contact me. Wait a minute, if you were the person with the psychic abilities that wanted me to contact you, why am I asked to call someone else? I'm not good enough for you to talk to, just one of your flunkies? Now I know you are a FRAUD!!! Your "gifted associates will do nothing more than a cold reading coupled with a bit of astrology (why else would you ask for a birth date)!
"Listen, I want to be in contact with you so badly, because I believe there may be important information for you. Be sure to call at once to find out how you can speak to one of my amazing psychics for a FREE sample reading."
If you wanted to be in contact with me, why are you passing me off to one of your flunkies? As I said earlier, if you had important information to me, you could easily get it to me. Your amazing psychics are about as amazing as a can of sardines, but the sardines aren't as smelly! You are a LIAR, you claim to have important information for me which you could easily get to me, but you refuse to talk to me. WHAT A SCAM!!!
"Special Instructions: When you call give your birth date and these special codes I've set up for you:"
Have I got a surprise for you, when I call, I will give you the birth date of one of the occupants of my home. As there are currently 4 humans and one canine residing here (none of which claim to be a "Psychic Friend", you have 5 possible birth dates that you could be given). The voice you hear will be a synthetic voice straight from the computer, how ever, a single human that resides in this house will be holding the phone. There will be no talking from this end. If you are "Psychic", you can correctly identify who is holding the phone, whether the birth date given belonged to that person and the important information is truly relevant to that person in such an exclusive manner as to rule out a message for anybody else, I would happily refer your psychic to the JREF for consideration of the $1,000,000.00 prize! Failure on their part is expected!
Oh WOW! Joyce Jillson, Psychic Director, must be one of the most incompetent psychics of all time. Not only did you send me a card, but a letter as well! This letter and "gift" was received on July 15, 1999.
I guess those of us who get the letter, get to talk to a "Master Psychic", but still can't talk to you. You still make the mistake of thinking someone here is enough of a dope to consider themselves a "Psychic Friend". You are and always will be a con artist! When you win the Randi Prize, I would consider you worth calling. Until then, unless you are willing to risk being exposed as the FRAUD you really are, stop sending me your garbage!
DAMN! Sioux Falls, SD 57101 Permit No. 7624 is being used by more than one group of "Psychic" Morons! Look at what I got on July 16, 1999!
Michelle, I don't mind you sending me all your love, but could you do it without the yellow paper that contains so many LIES? Remember, a postcard sent in a bulk mailing is about as private as a grain of sand on a beach (just because it made it into your swimsuit doesn't mean no one else has seen it). If you cared about others, you wouldn't be in a line of work that preys upon ignorant people. You're not in a business that will ever earn my respect. Face it, you have no special abilities or talents, and you only earn the big bucks by keeping the idiots that call you on the line a long time. Go find some honest work!
The experimental results are now in. Failure indeed was the result. I placed 2 calls, neither of which would support anyone's claim of psychic abilities. The first call was made on July 24, 1999 at 6:30AM AZ time. All information was given exactly as stated above, and aside from the "psychic" asking who was calling and what could they do for me (several times), no information was given to me. The phone switched over to a dial tone after 30 seconds of my non responsiveness. Had a true "psychic been on the other line I would have expected them to tell me:
1: my name
2: why I had called
3: that I had given them my wife's birthday
4: some information that, as their card indicated, would have been of importance to me alone.
I even gave them a chance to perform simple research by placing a second call on July 27, 1999 at 9:45 PM AZ time. The second call should have been easier for them to attempt a reading on, as I eliminated the computer synthesized voice and read the information to them myself. I found it strange that they again asked me for my name and what they could do for me, perhaps it was because I had used a helium balloon to alter my voice and remained silent from the moment the last bit of information that was required by the card was given to them. At any rate, this call lasted only 45 seconds before they disconnected me. The information looked for was identical to my first call.
� 2001, 2000, 1999 by habenero
For the truth about psychics, please contact the James Randi Educational Foundation at http://www.randi.org.
� 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2003, 2002, 2001, 2000, 1999 by habenero
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