Halloween

It's not just for little kids, anymore!

Of all the holidays, I prefer Halloween. There are several reasons for this;

1) The house can be decorated in a manner that would sicken Martha Stewart and, if sufficiently ghoulish, make the neighbors wonder about their property values.

2) I can substitute mislabeled habenero lollipops for the ones my barber gives kids, and get away with the prank!

3) The variety of costumes covering the gamut from gothic to science fiction to western to you name it, the Walter Mitty in me gets to come alive!

4) It's the only holiday that one is permitted to exploit the emotion of fear. Let's face it, it's loads of fun to scare kids (and those adults in the neighborhood that think they have my effects figured out)!

I found out how much I enjoy causing fear when my sons were old enough to dress up and go out for Halloween. My wife and I alternated taking them around each year. Not wanting to make them feel out of place, I started wearing costumes and make up (masks tended to cause my contact lenses to slip) and walk with them. I also started answering the door in costume (some parents with small children ended up waiting to see if I had left with my boys before they stopped by).

My method of distributing candy soon turned toward making anyone that wanted candy, having to earn their reward instead of just grabbing one. I decided to teach candy from my house wasn't going to be their's without a bit of the macabre holiday spirit!

One year I sat down on the roof as if I were a gargoyle. I dropped candy the onto the surprized visitors. I had loads of fun, and even beaned some of the neighborhood brats.

Another year, I placed a throw rug on the floor of the garage, in front of an old sofa. Under it I placed a bundle of foam bungie corded to resemble a body and having enough tension so that it felt as if you had really stepped onto one. I positioned myself and the candy on the sofa and placed a very dim light so that it shone only on the bowl of candy. I sat in wait for victims. Most of the younger kids were nervous, but came inside after the treats. It's amazing how many parents encourage their offspring to enter dark and forbidding places just because it was Halloween. The lust for candy was more powerfull than their fear.

I didn't have to do too much, until one girl tried to take the entire bowl of candy. The group she was with screamed when I suddenly stood up! She dropped the bowl and would have left without any candy until I called her back and handed her, her allotment.

One little boy was too afraid to enter the garage and get his share. I took it upon myself to follow him quietly down the drive to his mother, who had been holding his younger brother. Upon seeing me, he ran and hid behind her. I handed a candy bar to the boy that had run away and then tried to give one to the youngster in her arms. He finally took it and while hiding his eyes from me immediately said, "Thank You!". I then gave him a second one for his fine manners.

One pair of teenaged boys came up to the house, dressed as soldiers. They looked in the garage and went to the front door. Getting no answer there, they went back to the garage and looked in again. They clearly saw the bowl filled with candy. They then went back to the front door and rang the bell again. They came back to the garage and walked in 2 steps. They looked at the candy, then to each other. After 3 more looks at the candy and then to each other, the taller boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "It ain't worth it!". They then walked away empty handed. I guess their fear was stronger than their desire for an easy treat.

My personal favorite Halloweeen, I set a dummy out on the porch swing about 2 weeks before Halloween. I replaced the 100 watt bulb that normally lit the porch with a 25 watt bulb that would make it clear the light was on, but not provide much other illumination. When it got dark, I took a seat next to the dummy. I was wearing a black wet suit, had a black ski mask, black gloves, black boots, and had covered all possible exposed skin with black make up. The candy bowl was placed in my lap. I sat motionless, waiting for the little monsters of the neighborhood to make their way to my trap. The stereo played a tape of Tom Leherer, Rocky Horror, and other appropriate tunes.

Most of the smaller children were too afraid of me to reach in the bowl, but their parents and siblings got the idea and I almost became bored just sitting there. I enjoyed the comments about whether I was real or not, and since we had put one car in the garage, something we rarley did, most assumed we had gone out for the evening and had just put out another dummy to hand out the candy. Some figured out after touching me, that I was real enough (mostly the ones that were thinking of taking more than one candy bar).

One of the last group of trick or treaters (not from the neighborhood), approached the house from the East. I could hear them trying to guess whether I was real or not, and since we were the only house with a light still on, they were also trying to decide if it was worth it to go on up to the porch. I just waited, motionless and silent.

Finally 4 of them approached the house. As they got closer I heard one girl saying, "I'm telling you that's real, look at the muscles." Her friend insisted, "If it were real, you'd be able to see its breath. Look all of us are breathing and we can see the cloud with ease."

They climbed the 2 steps onto the porch and then noticed the sign on the door with the arrow pointing to me. The 2 guys closest to me grabbed their candy and moved to the side so the girls could get theirs. The one that thought I was fake took hers and stepped back. The stairs were now effectively blocked by the others. The last girl took her candy, looked at me, touched the outfit very lightly. She sighed, satisfied that I must really be fake, then reached into the bowl for seconds.

"Only one!"

The girl dropped the candybar back into the bowl and leaped over the fence and Yews to the yard! The others ran after her. A bunch of Oh Shits and other bits of colorful language erupted from them. When she reached the road, she started hitting the other girl and yelling

"I told you that was real! I told you that was real! I told you that was real!"

The only major drawback to that night, I had to wash down the sidewalk. I guess it is literally possible to scare the shit out of someone!

I've been reading up on special effects and fire spitting in particular. I've got some really neat ideas to try out on the next group of visitors. I can hardly wait!