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Post-UWF Hack is a changed man, spending some time on the streets and even more in the asylum. What has changed, what is still the same? You'll have to read to find out.
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"...and
in other news, authorities have recovered a woman's body from a vehicle that
was submerged in
"Wow
Belinda, that's absolutely horrible, such a beautiful woman gone just like
that… I'd like to send out my deepest sympathy to her daughters... her single
ones at least, if you have time I would like to invite you all out to dinner on
me. Call me." Says John Reger, co-host of WCCO 4 News at 9 and an extremely
eligible bachelor for those who can't read between the lines and for those who
can't read at all.
"Don't be
a.... We'll talk later. But now, let's send it over to our expert in the world
of pro wrestling: Buck Zumhoff!" Says Belinda Jensen, fellow co-host to the top
rated local news show. A beauty herself,
found it easier to get married to a stranger than have to deal with John’s
constant flirting.
The scene
changes to the exterior of a under construction Timeless Tavern with thick gray
timbers exposed here and there on the west side while the east side is exposed,
displaying beautiful aged timbers from the sunken reserves at the bottom of the
Boundary Waters where the first timbers came from. In the background can be seen Hack working
with an air hammer sending three inch nails deep into the supports of the east
side timbers while Ole Christianson waddles back and forth atop the roof, his
bulky body moving with surprising grace from beam to beam on the west side
tearing up old insulation and nails.
"Thanks
Belinda. Hey there fans, 'Rock & Roll' Buck Zumhoff here, sitting in front
of the once popular
"Tavern!" A noticeably shorter
and thinner Kevin Kobalski shoots as he jumps on screen thus showing his red hair shooting up
from a black bandana strands drooping over here and there, a few strands fall
over his right eye and hide one of his green eyes. He stands in view, and looks not the least
bit concerned by the size difference between Zumhoff and himself.
"Wha..?"
"It's a
tavern Buck, get it right. Yes, that's right Belinda; we're here at the ever
popular Timeless Tavern in downtown Gaylord. We're here today to..." Spurts the smaller
Kobalski in an attempt to get his own little plug in, ending in Buck pushing
him out of view effortlessly.
"We?
I think he means 'I'." Buck says, addressing the camera as he straightens his
sloppy comb-over that blows in the wind in a very unancorly manner and thinking
that he may get through one of these interviews someday, but not today.
Buck pauses
for a moment, shooting a nasty look at someone off screen and pointing in a
threatening manner, but this won’t stop Killer, we already know that. Zumhoff begins to tussle with someone off
camera leaving everyone confused as an arm then two grasp at air on camera,
juking the older man out Kobalski returns to the view and begins, imitating
Zumhoff, "No
Buck, I'm here all the ti..."
"No, I
mean 'I'." Buck Zumhoff again, pushing his way on screen as Kevin, bracing
himself against the man finds himself skidding nearly out of screen and
settling for the both of them on screen.
"Huh?"
Both men are
equally confused as Buck says, "What? Never mind. I am here today to
deliver the latest word on hometown hero/villain/anti-hero/dead-guy Hacker
X."
"So what's
the news then?" Asks Killer, raising the question of ‘What the hell does he do that
he can’t remember where he’s been from one moment to another and shouldn’t he
be the one to know what his brother’s doing anyways?’
Zumhoff is
obviously a little confused at the question and looks down at the little man,
raising an eyebrow in a questioning manner as he says, "I was made to
understand that you were going to tell us...
We were given a video clip, but were told there was more… Hell, I think
you were the one I talked to about it all!"
"You have
a 'video clip'? That's just lame... What's this all about anyways? You did not talk to me, if I talked to me
then, I mean you talked to me when… no," The little Kobalski spouts, a little
confused he begins again, talking slowly and marking every word with a bob of
his index finger, “If. I. Talked. To. You.
Then. I’d. Remember. It.
Yeah, that’s it. Well, can you
explain that Bob?”
"It’s
Bob! And you should know seeing as you
helped make all of it!" Exasperates Buck Zumhoff, he’s counting the seconds left
till he can leave.
"I
did?"
Killer pauses for a moment, reflecting on his recent schedule. "Oh! Yeah, I did!
Ha, I forgot all about that."
"You
just taped it yesterday!"
"So?"
"Never
mind, let's just roll the footage."
"What
footage?" Questions Kobalski
peering up at Zumhoff without a clue.
[With a seamless change
of setting...]
~Borderline
video from a cheap palm-corder slips from left to right showing a
wall-consuming line of shelving, levels of multicolored boxes in alphabetical
order by title all the way from "A-Team, The" to "Zenon: The
Zequal" which, by the way, are two horrible movies, absolutely wretched.
Standing at one end of the room is one Kevin Kobalski, with faded blue jeans,
an old and torn XEW T-shirt with a caricature of Kevin on the front and the
motto "K-Kubed, One Worth Three" across the back and a floppy top hat
sagging his eyes. On the opposite side: Hacker X in black jeans, a deep maroon
shirt, and a white cloth bandage holding his scraggly black hair back.
"You ever
see MIB?"
"MIB?"
"I'll take
that as a no."
"What's
it about?"
"A
top-secret omni-present government organization working to cover-up..."
"No."
"Okay...
How about the Matrix? It's how the world is actually a virtual program made by
hostile machines to exploit humans and cover-up..."
"No."
"How about
My Pretty Pony? It's this pony who dies and comes back a prick and afraid of a
non-existent organization that he claims is trying to kill him."
"...Sound's
promising..."
"No."
"What's
this Resident Evil movie about?"
"You
guys have been at this for... nearly an hour, can we just chose something
already?" Ole Christianson, apparently behind the camera and tired of it.
"Sounds
good, Resident Evil it is. Hey Ole, who's that behind you?"
The camera
spins around to the fatty face of one... "It's my kid. I better get going."
"'Your
kid'? When were you going to tell me about~
[Black]
[Black]
[Dim black]
[Grayish]
[Living color]
Open to a
smoky room...
"Could you
put out the damn cigarette?"
"Why?"
"It'll
kill you"
"I'm
already dead."
"It'll
kill me."
"Okay."
...The smoke
disperses and Hacker X is sitting in a comfy leather chair adorned with rare
wood and semi-precious stones...
"Don't
you think the stones are a little much?"
"Okay,
next time you can waste a day getting his old chair ready."
"Whatever."
...So there
Hack sits in his ring attire, well made black cloth slacks with no pockets and
"Hack Is Back" in silver lettering running down his left leg, a army
issue bulletproof vest riddled with pocket over a bare chest, and a Vietnam era
helmet loosely sitting on his head, his gnarled and oily black hair resting
under it and covering the left side of his face marred by scars.
"Tell me
when we're on."
"You see
this red light?" Says Kevin, pointing to a little red light at the end of the
palm-corder.
"Yeah,
what about it?"
"It means
we've been recording for the last couple of minutes already."
"Thanks
for the notice." Sarcastically comes from Hack's lips.
To The Point
Humbly, Hacker
X begins, “My
people… (static)” Then he begins to build, “You unknowingly put…, your… my hands, and…
failed you. When I began, it was about the people, the masses, who longed for
change and the even greater mass that knew not what cause for change we have,
but as hard as I fought I could not bring about that change. All my life I….
hero and when I was handed that chance on a silver platter… formed the XEW
seemed to have no chance, but I brought it all back, one man evened the field
and one man was sure he could handle it, but I made a grave mistake and it cost
me my life, but I… I was given a second chance to make… the oppressed nation,
the oppressed globe, from They who would stop me, from They who would want only
to maintain the status quo, to halt any progress. And again I failed; I feared…
given a gift and I will use it! I will not allow for this to continue, imagine,
a world without greed, ignorance, pride, power... I ask you to support me, to trust
in me just this one… what WE face! No longer can one man run the world; no
longer can one group run our minds! Join! Fight! Deny them the fear and hatred
that they love! Put your faith in me! Watch me at the Summer Games as I strike
back at Desolation, a mere lackey! Bower, the coward will feel the wrath soon
enough and then, after him, Them!"
"Breath
Bro, Breath."
"Ah, now
you ruined it..."
[Seamless
transaction to live feed...]
"Okay..." Begins Buck as he
inches away from the now visible Hacker X, "Umm... What was that?”
Killer thinks
for a moment, then, like he has the answer says, “I have the answer,” I bet you didn’t see
that coming, so he continues, “It was a rerun of The Shield, I was looking for that! Damn Hack, you could have at least asked me
for it.”
"No. Sorry bro, but that wasn’t The Shield, it was
something much more dark… me. Yep, that
was about a year ago now, but it was me and…”
Hack
pauses, glancing down at his hand affected with an ugly little tick, “…and…” Hack notices everyone
staring at his tick, including the camera, “Dammit, I am Hack, not an f-ing tick…” He sounds reluctant as
he says,
“Okay, Kev, you know what to do.” But
Killer isn’t moving, “Dammit, I told you to do something now do it! Fine, I’ll do it myself.” He picks up his air hammer, slams his hand down
onto a timber on several saw-horses, looks away quickly, and sends a three inch
long cold metal shaft, galvanized it’s all good, through the soft of his
hand. It’ll hurt, it’ll bleed, but it
won’t do permanent damage. Hack watches
for a moment as blood comes spurting out of the wound before Killer steps
between the camera and the hand so that Hack may continue on.
“Anyways,” He continues on in
an oddly normal fashion as if he didn’t feel it at all, “The Hack is Back and
feeling wonderful… well, I’m not really feeling much of anything thanks to the
docs screwing up my nervous system, but if I were feeling then I’m sure I’d be
feeling great. But enough of that, I
wasn’t sure I wanted to come back wrestling, but I needed the money to complete
the repairs as you can see, so may they tremble in fear as they hear my
name. Okay, they don’t really need to
tremble in fear, but if they wanted to get on their knees and kiss my feet as
they beg for mercy, that’d be great thanks.”
“I find myself up
against Gigato or something like that for my entrance to the PC, well, color me
so not afraid. This guy’s a joke, the
big green pansy.” Hack looks like he’s
running out of insults so he grabs the camera, pulling it close to his face and
darkening the view. His scarred left
cheek is clearly made out, the blue eyes and questioning smirk that so well
told the story when he began are back, his dreads fall over his face here and
there, but do not detract as his says, “Giganto, I don’t know much of you, but I’m
still not concerned, I’m a god, you’re a mere servant of an even lesser god so
may you tremble by mine own name. Pray
for your well being son, cause boy, I ain’t gonna take it easy on anyone!”