MARRIAGE:

  • "Are you happy where you're sleeping?
    Does he keep you safe and warm?
    Does he tell you when you're sorry?
    Does he tell you when you're wrong?"
    --Counting Crows, "A Murder Of One"

  • "If this one doesn't work out, next time I'll just find a woman I can't stand and give her my house."--one of the members of Vermont-based folk group Woods Tea Company, on his third (?) marriage

  • "The reason more wives than husbands leave home is that few men know how to pack their own suitcases."--Fannie Hurst

  • "If you want a thing to be well done, let your wife do it herself."--Henry David Thoreau

  • "If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you."--Stanley Walker.

  • "You're married, you have a daughter, you're very happy. You don't need self-esteem."--Annie's mom, in "First Wives' Club."

  • "It doesn't matter where the money went
    That wasn't how she paid the rent "--the Wallflowers

  • "Guns don't kill people. Husbands who come home early kill people."--borrowed from Ray the Jokeaday guy.

  • "From the first, the marriage was strange. We'd both expected rescue. And there we were both clawing at each other and drowning together."
    --Erica Jong, 'Fear of Flying.'

  • "Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable."
    -- Oscar Wilde

  • "Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands...but English women only hope to find in their butlers."
    -- W. Somerset Maugham

  • The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, "You know, you're really a lousy lover!"
    The husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"

  • "Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures."--Samuel Johnson

  • "Damned clever, I thought, how men had made life so intolerable for single women that most would gladly embrace even a bad marriage instead."--Erica Jong, 'Fear Of Flying.' Published in 1973 . . . things have changed a little bit since then, haven't they?

  • "I see destiny is sold
    Turned into a shining band of gold . . ."
    --some song I keep hearing (called "Wrapped Around Your Finger" but I forget who does it)

  • "Every day you fill him with your soul-stuff, like a pitcher
    You are so exhausted.
    Your voice my earring,
    Flapping and sucking, blood-loving bat.
    You peer from the door,
    Sad hag. 'Every woman's a whore.
    I can't communicate.'"
    --Sylvia Plath

  • Hag the Invincible's Opinion on Divorce:
    "There's one thing you can say for crying yourself to sleep alone at night--it beats the hell out of crying yourself to sleep next to the asshole who made you cry in the first place."

    Home