There are many commandments in the list of Coke Can Commandments. These commandments must be recited 20 times before proceeding with thine worshipping.

Whatever you do, do NOT make a mess of these commandments. They should be read in order, which is the order of no order at all, and should be word for word. THIS is what the last person who screwed up the commandments looks like:

Now, onto ye olde commandments:

1. Thou shallt not poke someone in the eye without notifying them of thine indended actions in advance.
2. Thou shallt not set fire to thine pet's tail.
3. Thou shallt not dis Dream Theater, for they are the official favourite band of The Holy Coke Can.
4. Thou shallt not be a follower of the Irn Bru Can.
5. Thou shallt not accuse Ye Olde High Priest of Coke Cans (currently Gary Marshall) of having a dodgy/bad/offensive/boring/annoying name on S&M Instant Massager.
6. Thou shallt stand on the left testicle of thine enemies.
7. Thou shallt not masturbate to an audience exceeding 6 human beings (pets count as a half a human being).
8. Thou shallt hit McLuckie on the head with a large stick if given the oppertunity.
9. Thou shallt not steal the batteries in other people's remote controls to fulfill thine own needs.
10. Thou shallt not use polystyrene cups as an object of sexual pleasure.
11. Thou shallt not use guitar strings, musicals, or fat people for this purpose either.
12. Thou shallt not drink any Irn Bru other than the thin variety.
13. Thou shallt not secrete more than 4 bodily fluids at any one time.
14. Thou shallt not use hankerchiefs as a replacement for toilet roll, or on any other part of thine body other than thine nose.
15. Thou shallt not use a wheelie bin as a caravan.
16. Thou shallt use the word 'ass' to describe a donkey, and 'arse' to describe one's anus, and not confuse the meanings of these two completely different words.
17. Thou shallt not remove the U from the word 'colour'.
18. Thou shallt be no shorter than 5'3" by the age of 21.
19. Thou shallt not use a hoover/vaccume cleaner as an object for sexual pleasure.
20. Thou shallt not push the button that says "DO NOT PUSH".
21. Thou shallt not be a hermaphrodite without a license
22. Thou shallt not describe The Beatles as "a classic band who changed modern music for ever," for the truth they've been keeping from you is that The Beatles are, were, and always will be absolute bollocks.
23. Thou shallt learn to live with the fact that The Beatles will burn in Hell for harming the aural organs of many a person.
24. Thou shallt keep that in your trousers. I do not want to see it.
25. Thou shallt use toothbrushes for brushing your teeth, and ONLY brushing your teeth.
26. Thou shallt not masturbate before thine grandparents on Christmas Eve using a sex toy and lots of vasoline.
27. Thou shallt insult Shakespear and his (or was it his) work at every given oppertunity.
28. Thou shallt not masturbate to the beat of music unless it is incredibally fast.
29. Thou shallt shout "YO-MI-YA-MA-YOO-MEE-YOO" at old women to scare them when they least expect it.
30. Thou shallt get used to dissapointment, as life is full of it.
31. Thou shallt not hit midgets with pointy sticks, no matter how tempting it may seem.
32. Thou shallt spell "thanks" with "ks" at the end, and never with "x".
33. Thou shallt not describe skateboarding as a sport, or any other sport with wanks on planks.
34. Thou shallt buy every Iron Maiden album under the sun.
35. Thou shallt not point at people and say "Wank, wank, good guy, wank...".
36. Thou shallt not use "cause" as a valid answer to "why".
37. Thou shallt not use "It just is" for this purpose either.
38. Thou shallt not be able to play a really low B on your guitar unless it has seven strings.
39. Thou shallt not dub the bass as a stupid man's instrument.
40. Thou shallt not play punk music.
41. Thou shallt not make sense.
42. Thou shallt confobulate, baffle, irritate, and annoy your enemies.
43. Thou shallt use big words to annoy those who do not understand them.
44. Thou shallt not even think of wearing leather underwear.
45. Thou shallt not use a mobile phone ring-tone that plays a tune.
46. Thou shallt be cruel to sinners.
47. Thou shallt give head to the Coke Can Priest if he wishes you to do so, especially if you're a coke can high priestess

Note: These can, and will, be updated without thine notice. This religion does not yet have a mailing list, and, even if it did, what kind of sad bugger would sign up to it?