This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked
questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or
corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.) Enjoy!
- In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the
animals come on to in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
with the unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
like Delilah.
- Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went
up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews
in the battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The
epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which
is another name for marriage.
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
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