Haley's Message 
I felt a pain greater than I ever could imagine. My very essence had been torn away from my heart and soul. I could no longer function. Nor did I want to. I became physically ill as well as spiritually damaged.  Then what need to be done was done. The unthinkable task of making final arrangements for my little girl was painfully completed. We were just here a few weeks ago during easter paying our respects. At that time, Haley thought this was park and brought only joy and happiness to our once solemn occasion. However, a few days ago, as I stood among my families burial plots looking at Haley’s final resting place anger began to grow inside me. Each and everyone of them were supposed to be protecting and looking out for my little girl from heaven. How could they let this happen? Time went on and tortured both Suzanne and I with every tick. Each movement through our house struck pain and heartache. One by one each daily task with our little Haley past without being realized. In the midst of our despair during the dark shadows of the night a message was sent to me from Haley. Out of nowhere I began to speak to Suzanne. Haley let me know that god had already destined a higher calling for her and her time on earth would be limited. Even before she was born, not knowing if we were going to have a boy or girl, Suzanne and I had only chosen a girls name. "Haley" Out of millions of words I could have chosen from a Korean English dictionary for her middle name I chose "Chonsa" which means Christian Angel.  I know now Haley had always been destined for something higher. As Haley came into our lives She restored in me the feeling of unbound and unconditional love. Every day she broke down the outer shells life had layered upon me. Just watching her relish in the joy and happiness that simple things in life brought her taught me to be a better person. The feeling of rain for the first time The touch of a leaf The smell of a flower The sight of a Christmas tree The sound of music Everyone she met was drawn to her. Everyone could see the magic and delight she would express in her "happy" dancing and twirling.  Only someone so pure and happy could be called by God. which Haley soon was. However, Haley (knowing only love and happiness) did not want to go. She couldn’t even think of hurting the ones she loves. Then god let her know that Megan (her unborn sister) would take the pain away. Haley’s only request before going was to be able to meet her little sister and be with her Ma Ma on mothers day. Since her calling, Haley always had this incredible urge to feel weightlessness. She would always come to me and want me to swing her round and round and push her high in the swing while she lifted her hands in the air. At the park she would always come to me and want me to swing her round and round and toss her high in the air. She would make me run and fly her around until exhaustion. I know now Haley was only practicing to fly.  Just before the birth of Megan We went to Tilden Park and Haley saw the carousel we had shown her before when she was younger, however this time she really wanted to ride. She seemed very hesitant at first but soon pushed both mine and Suzanne’s hands away for a solo run. I know now Haley was ready to fly on her own.  On April 26, 2000, Megan was born. Again out of millions of words I could have chosen from a Korean English dictionary for her middle name I chose "Chonji" which means Heaven and Earth. I know now Megan would always be our connection to Haley from Heaven to Earth.  From the first moment Haley met her little sister, she fell in love with her. The very first picture of her and Megan has Haley’s hand stretching out onto Megan’ head. I know now Haley was giving her blessing. As mother’s day approached, Haley was so proud to show off her little sister to any and everyone and would shower her with kisses.  I know now Haley was saying good bye to her little sister.
The last time my father took Haley for their regular Tuesday "Grandpa Day" She had an exceptionally happy day and did not seem to want to leave his house. I know now Haley was saying good bye to her Grandpa.
When Mothers Day came Haley did not play with her relatives as she typically did. She only wanted to be in her mother’s arms. I know now Haley was saying good bye to her Ma Ma.
That night, Haley tried to stay up as long as she could doing all the family things both Suzanne and I had grown to love and cherish. We ate, watched videos, read books, and gave her a bath, together as a family Haley always wanted me to play in the water with her during her bath. This night was no exception. It was one of the special times between Haley and me. This is when I would hear her call out to me "Daa-Daa-" from the bath room. As I played with her in the water that night I remember feeling so much joy and happiness as she looked into my eyes. I know now Haley was saying good bye to her Da Da.
As a family, we spent the rest of the night together on our couch. When she could no longer stay up she took Suzanne’s hand and said "nigh nigh" meaning time for bed. Before she went upstairs for the final time, she walked over to kiss her Da Da for one last good night. Haley in her Ma Ma’s arm then went up the stairs to her bedroom where she spent her last moments with the mother she loved so much.   As mother’s day came to a close God called down upon her. Haley then left us peacefully during the night. After I spoke this message to Suzanne, Suzanne realized it was 4:37 AM, the exact time Megan had been born three weeks before. Suzanne and I hugged and cried and knew Haley had sent this message. At that time, sunlight began to fill our house once again.  |
