Why the hell did I make this website..

I'm pretty much wondering what the fuck am I doing as I type this. I'm actually just really fucking bored so I thought I would make a little site. It's not like I expect you to take it seriously, because if you do, your a douchebag.

I could be doing other things with my time. For example: masturbating to interracial clown porn or taking a huge dump while I read Of Mice and Men. But no, instead im writing articles so you douchebags have something to do. That's the problem with most people these days, they are fucking straight up douchebags!

The other day my so called friend was at my house. He was holding a very heavy weight and he was hovering it over my fucking ball sac threatening to drop it any moment. I caught him off guard watching the Men Gone Wild infomercial, I punched him in the nads. I saw the weight drop and from that moment on I knew I would never be able to have sex with anything, not even an apple pie for christs sake. The weight must of crushed my gonads because I couldnt feel anything. Its probally the equivalent of a 2 ton elephant stepping on your balls, then beating the shit out of them with its trunk. It felt like that, how would I know? Because I have dreams man, I know what that shit feels like. This was just like it. So in the end I sent my friend out into the streets with nothing but a baseball cup from when I played in little league. He looked like a douche, which suites him well, because he is a douche.

For those of you who dont know, I like the word douchebag. Its neat how it can mean two things. I have provided the two definitions for your personal education benefits:

Douchebag: (n) Its the phatty bag your grandma uses for uh..nevermind.

Douchebag: (n) You.

I am going to focus more on the 2nd definition, which is more accurate. You sir, are a douchebag. Plain and simple, everything you do, say, or masturbate to, makes you look like an asshole. You'r a jerk, a lowlife bum. If you had the oppourtunity to suck a bums penis, you would most likely accept this offer. Now not ALL people are douchebags, with the exception of myself(even though I label myself as a douchebag,im not) and Aunt Jamima, your all douchebags. So I lied, basically you are all douchebags.

If you dont think your a douchebag, you are most likely a douchebag. If you still dont think your a douchebag, your even more of a douchebag. There are certain levels of douchebagness that one can achieve.

Level 1: Douche
You are an annoying jerk. People dont like you because you are stupid and think its funny to loosen the bolts on Nelsons chair in computer class, so when he sits down he falls over onto the floor, causing a chain reaction in which his calculator flys out of his chest pocket, hitting your girlfriend in the jugs. Level 1 isnt bad, but dont except any anal sex from girls or clowns at this point.

Level 2: Douche Bag
Your a fag. No im not talking about the fags that you smoke(ciggies), im talking about fags THAT smoke. Most likely your a prep who bums cigarettes off stoners, and stand in a circle outside in large masses of preps, while you pass the cigarette around like its fucking weed.

Prep 1: "Hey man, let me get a hit off that!"
Prep 2: "Okay man! I hope we dont get caught man, teehee"
Prep 3: "Do you guys want me to hold your penis too?"

If you are a stoner its your duty to do this:

Stoner 1: "Hey bros, are you smoking a cigarette dog?"
Prep 1: "Go buy some weed stoner fag!"
Stoner 1: "Okay."
Prep 1: "Lol what a fag stoner!"
Stoner 1: *Shove your bong up the preps anus, and light it*

Level 3: Fucking Douche Bag
Im to tired to continue.

So basically im really tired now, I can continue to type this or go fax the pope. Ill do the 2nd option.

by douchebag #1
1/18/2007

Grab your dick, and triple click