Go clubbing, get in debt

This may be solely a UK phenomena, but since the Criminal Justice Act banned illegal outdoor raves, everyone knows clubs are in it just for the money. But then there are the Superclubs, which are little more than cynical marketing exercises.

The most famous in England is the Ministry of Sound in London. They have 'World reknowned DJs' (Boy George?!?!?) and release a new Ministry of Sound: The Annual every year (basically another Ibiza collection with better packaging and heftier pricing). There are also legions with record bags and MoS jackets clumping throughout the country. Elsewhere there is Gatecrasher in Sheffield and Cream in Liverpool.

I move onto Gatecrasher, since it's closest to me. Every Saturday the raver population of Sheffield is expected to fork out Ł15 to get into The Republic, double what it costs on any other night of the week, just because it has a trendy tag attatched to the flyers (another thing about The Republic is that flyers seem to take up 1/7 of all paper consumption of Sheffield). Now, Sheff is full of either A: Students, B: Poor Northerners, or C: All of the above, so they can hardly afford this, plus the charges on drinks which are filed under 'exortionate', on a weekly basis. And the same lot recently started up Bed at another venue, claiming it's 'The second best night out in Europe'-no prizes for guessing the best. They also did a totally overblown event to bring in the Minnellium (I spelt that wrong deliberatly!).

The thing is, why? Why does everyone decide that going to one of these clubs means that they are superior to someone who goes to one of the 'lesser' clubs in the area? And why are the bouncers at The Republic such complete assholes to any bloke that tries to get in-they rarely do unless they're DJing.

All of these clubs have a uniform, basically. All the typical Kev/Shaz get up, the more expensive/revealing (respectivly!) the better, as you will get accepted. They don't even allow trainers for Jah's sake! And if you want to get high, you can't as it seems they have the Flying Squad awaiting anyone with as much as a blunt so their bloodhounds can get their feed, so the bouncers sell it off later and keep all the cash. But since half your cash is blown on a JD and Coke, you probably couldn't afford an acid tab in the first place.

All they do is take money from those naive and stupid enough to fall under their spell, and they do it so well it's practically criminal. The atmosphere is so controlled-nothing remotly interesting EVER happens, and everyone seems to be a clone of each other more akin to Body Snatchers rather than a decent night out-everyone deciding to shuffle around the dance floor rather than do what the Hell they want, as they will lose credibility from people they don't know, nor see again.

Only those who don't notice the fact that they're having cash drained from them at a rate of knots thnk they're having a good time, before realising they can't afford either of the post club institutions: a cab home or even a kebab! But they can brag to all their friends that they once went to Cream whilst selling The Big Issue so they can afford to go next year...