And how does the BBC in all their glory show how much this means? By getting 'The Face of Music' (purr-leese) Jo Whiley and Jamie Theakston to arse about and generally degrading anything that isn't Top 40 material, or not The Norm, in other words. Nice to see that John Reith's ideals of broadcasting are being held up by someone.

One day's coverage is more than enough for me, or in fact, 2 hours. The first day of the festival usually brings interest, so what do they do, manage to get the dullest highlights of the first day on air in the middle of the night. Shame I missed the early evening version...

First it was live footage of the Chemical Brothers set, with Hey Boy, Hey Girl, something else, and Block Rockin' Beats. The crowd sort of swayed a bit, whilst they just sook refuge behind the samplers and sequencers and had strobes and screens generally giving everyone watching a migrane, since there was nothing to focus on in any way, shape, or form. And the verdict from Jo in all her knowledge, well, they were 'full on'. Huh? No interest could be gained from the set, since it was about as much of a spectacle as cricket. In Swindon.

Afterwards was Moby, although he was shown live in the early evening. And playing Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?, making Whiley feel 'vindicated' after the heavier end of his set got on air, which obviously no-one wanted, since anything heavier than Travis is obviously evil. Hang on, they promised some Nine Inch Nails, who were also playing live at the time, so the forecast was NOT GOOD. And all the allegedly funny 'thrash metal' comments were as funny as having cancer.

Next up, the latest sell outs from the blocks, Moloko. Some track no-one knew, then the (in no way obvious) The Time Is Now. Man, a live version of the shit on Radio One all day, WOO HOO! Strangely good sound quality, too.

And it got steadily worse. Two words: Macy Gray. First, Sex-O-Matic, started with Marge, sorry, MACY getting the crowd to say 'sex'. How risque! And during a break, the backing singers (who did more vocals than her) started 'humping the stage', like Madonna circa 1991. Watch In Bed With Madonna when Like A Virgin comes on and you'll see what I mean. Well, she was busy prancing around looking exceeedingly stupid in her outfit chosen clearly for shock value, so someone had to do something to stop the embarrassment. Until she tried a risque ad-lib, sounding more like Nookie if you forgot what the lyrics actually were, nausea starting to take hold from the colon upwards.

Next stop, Roni Size Reprazent. Two tracks that were the same, albeit the second had some chick in tight leather outfit singing on it. A lot of difference, then. Well, some blokes were probably happy.

By this time it was getting beyond unbearable. And their sneering attitude pissed off The Waterboys(?)-for the crime of playing in the New Bands Tent, who promtly were waiting for them to get away from the safety of the cameras. Hmm, discouraging up-and-coming bands are we?

Nittin Sawenhi (sic), 'best album of the year', bored us next with a set in the studio, before Groove Armada returned to boring, and Theakston wanted desperatly to see the insomnia solver they were offering. Then a crappy item on the locals upset at the 'hippie problem' that went on forever. Can't they just go back to drinking their cider and talking about butter?

Redemption was found when they announced Cypress Hill. BUT, there was a problem, profanity and meantioning drugs, which they said ON AIR. It was nearly 1am, so I doubt there would be any poblems. For fuck's sake, when Channel 4 had it, they weren't so fucking anal. Anyway, We Ain't Goin' Out Like That saves the telly from a booting. Theakston later 'jokes' about stagediving during their set. Errm...methinks security (and probably B-Real et al) would have had reservations about some dickhead near the stage, let alone on it.

I seem to have blanked the next part so far, since it was all shite, but skip to The Bloodhound Gang, performing The Bad Touch. YUS! Something else decent, and they got slated afterwards, for being, amongst other crimes, 'the most lyrically challanged' act. Excuse me, Chemical Brothers? Not even one lyric, all samples, mean anything? And they had the crowd well an truly going at this point, as well as being a far superior show.

Another black out, although The Doves in the studio and more Roni Size stick in there before what I waited 2 FUCKING HOURS for, some NIN. Introduction was patronising, despite selling more than every other act combined, including the phrase 'The Blair Witch of Pop-Trent Reznor', including some cliche Devil Horns. Industrial you dumb fucks. And we only got Hurt, Theakston also saying it was a sensitive side we weren't used to. Excuse me, anyone who has actually listened to them over the last 11 years may testify otherwise.

They also decided to take the piss by bringing up them playing the Roskilde Festival some years ago. Next weekend their idols Oasis were due to play the EXACT SAME FESTIVAL, and they aren't joking about it now, since 9 people died during Pearl Jam's set-which has to suck, really. Then it ended with more Chemical Brothers.

Roll on The Lost Weekend, I need it...on second thoughts, guess again.