Day Nine

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Today was hard. I felt sick most of the day. I think that is because of the detox. I had stomach pains, headache and it was hard. I thought of seriously ending the fast tomorrow. I must be very toxic. I did try to lead a good life before. I would take walks, eat fruits and vegetables and take walks. I have even been known to exercise once in a while. Still my weight ballooned to 264, and apparently I got all these toxins inside of me.

That is why I was depressed before, and that is why I have to continue fasting. maybe I should clarify that, it would seem to me that no matter how hard I worked, I would always come up short. It was frustrating and depressing. I have gotten so bad that I felt desperate. Extra weight and unhealthiness would drain me of energy and would give me all kinds of mental and physical problems. My life was going out of control and I felt that I needed to do something drastic. That is why I am fasting. I really need to stick with this.

Today I measured at 241 pounds (109.5 kilos) which means that I lost only one pound (.5 kilos) yesterday. That is not bad. I always knew that the weight loss would eventually slow to only one pound a day or maybe less.

I already mentioned some symptoms that I had today such as headache and pains in my stomach. Pains in my stomach have gone away once I had a bowel movement (a small one). Headache was bad and I took a nap which helped. I am having a severe heartburn. Some weakness and dizziness is there. I feel like I have more energy today than on previous days. My tongue is as white as a shaggy white carpet, and it shows no signs of changing. White tongue indicates that there is a lot of toxins released.

Mentally I am doing OK. I got a few things done today, and I took a walk in nature which lasted 2 hours and 40 minutes. I enjoyed it and it made me feel a bit better physically. I worry about my job, and about my rather long list of things to do.

One of the things I did today was to clean out my wardrobe and to store away summer clothes and put in winter clothes. In the back of the closet I found my Skinny Clothes. I tried them on, and the pants are not even close to fitting and I could not even button them. The shirt is only slightly tight. I wonder if I will be able to fit into the pants by the end of my fast.

I slept OK last hight. I usually have tense dreams when I remember them. Last night I remembered more dreams than usual, and some of them were tense, but the level of tension in my sleep seemed to have gone down. I did get up few times last night to go to the restroom. Problem with getting up is that I get dizzy when I do that, but I have no problem going back to sleep.    

This fast is a hard journey. There is a lot of self doubt and every day it is more tempting to quit. My mind makes mountains of mole hills and makes me loose the sight of my goal, and forget the reasons why I started on this journey in the first place. Things before the fast were bad, and I forget that. Fast slowly wears out my will power, and I think of quitting more and more every day. I feel strong about not quitting now, but how long will that last?