(by Carrie)

PART ONE - PALACE HOTEL RECEPTION HALL, Saturday, December 6, 1997, 8:30 P.M.
 

  The office Christmas party of radio station WYAP was in progress when two police officers, dressed in full blue uniform, walked into the room.  Most of the people did not notice the policemen until they approached an attractive, fortyish brunette standing near the bar.
  She was Dr. Diane Green, a psychologist who hosted a very popular mid-day, call-in show.  The doctor had her back turned to the room while she was waiting for a drink and had no idea the surprise visitors were there until they were hovering behind her.  Diane felt something was different and turned her head.  She didn’t even get the chance to speak.  "Diane Green," an officer said.  "We have a warrant for your arrest." Diane was stunned.  She put her right hand on her chest and a shiver ran through her body.  "What?" she said, not believing what she had just heard.  All eyes in the room were on them and the music had stopped.  "You have to come with us, ma’am," said the second officer.  "Please put your hands on the bar."  Diane slowly did as she was ordered.  She felt an officer’s hands move down her sides, as if she could conceal any weapons in the blue dress she was wearing.  The sensation of being frisked seemed to restore her senses which she had momentarily lost.  "What’s going on here?!"  Diane blurted loudly.  Her question was ignored.  The next thing Diane felt was her arms pulled behind her back and the handcuffs applied.  "Oh God," she whispered as the heard the unmistakable clicking noise, followed by the reading of her rights.
Then each officer grabbed hold of her upper-arms and walked her out, through the entire length of the hall as her co-workers watched.  Diane looked down, shaking her head as a symbol to her friends that she had no idea what was happening.  The room was buzzing with each person trying to talk over the others and find out what was going on.
  Diane sat in the backseat of a police cruiser, staring at the steel mesh which separated the officers from the criminals.  She felt nothing like a criminal, still not knowing what she was charged with, and certain she had done nothing wrong.  As the ride continued, her initial fright turned to anger.  When the car stopped, Diane was so mad she didn’t even notice that they had pulled up to the brand-new County Prison, which wasn’t even open yet!
  An officer opened the door for Diane to step out.  "I’m not moving ‘til you tell me why I’ve been arrested!" she snapped.  "What am I charged with?" "Doctor Green, everything will be explained inside.  Now please..."
  "No!  Tell me right now."
  "Ma’am, we’re just supposed to take you inside and the warden himself will explain everything."  Then the officer grabbed her arm and Diane started to resist.  "Now I know you don’t want us to add some extra charges, Diane.  Now let’s go."  Diane stepped out of the car and was led into the jail.  Diane noticed the quiet once they entered and then realized she was in the new building.  The officers took her directly to the warden’s office, which Diane thought was very strange.  A man sat behind the desk and seated on a couch was her boss, Chris Reynolds, the station’s general manager.  She was asked to sit in one of the chairs, but first she had a request.
  "The handcuffs," Diane said, staring at the officers.  They looked at the
warden and he nodded.  Diane’s hands were released and she rubbed her
wrists
as she sat down.
  "Chris, what are you doing here?" she asked.
  His answer: "Gotcha, Diane."
  The four men laughed hysterically.  After a few seconds, Diane caught on and realized she was the butt of a very elaborate practical joke.  She started to laugh herself.  "Christmas party, nice touch," she said.  "I can’t believe you let it go this far.  Aren’t you just supposed to drive me around the block and scare the shit out of me?"
  "There’s more," Reynolds said, smiling.  "This is Jack Tegler, he’s the warden."  Tegler reached across the desk to shake Diane’s hand.  "Nice to meet you," Tegler said.  "Thanks for being a good sport." "Why are you in on this?" Diane asked.
  "Well, there’s a couple things we’re doing here.  Playing a joke on you was one, but we’re also doing a charity fundraiser.  22 women - some of them public figures like yourself - are incarcerating themselves to raise money for breast cancer research.  So congratulations, you’ll be spending tonight with us."
  "You mean I get to sleep in a cell and wear orange and all that stuff?" "Well, our uniforms are green," Tegler answered.   "What’s happening, Doctor Green, is that our guest inmates will stay here depending on how much money is raised.  People will make donations in your name, and the more money donated, the longer you stay in jail."
  Chris Reynolds interjected.  "And the entire station pitched in, Diane." To which she laughed but was a little concerned.   "Well how long will this be?" she asked the warden "Everybody stays through this evening at least.  We expect the last ones to be released either Monday or Tuesday."
  Diane turned to Chris.  "What about the show?"
  "Well, that’s another part of our arrangement," he said.  "In addition to our little joke and raising money for charity, this is like a trial run for the prison staff because the real prisoners are being moved in next week.  So if you’re still here on Monday, you’ll be ‘transported’ to and from the station the way they take prisoners to the courthouse." "Oh boy, this could be very interesting," Diane said, in a much better mood than ten minutes earlier.  "Embarrassing maybe, but it could be fun and it’s for a good cause."
  "Glad you have no hard feelings.  This could be great for us because we’ll get listeners to contribute and the story will be in the papers."  The warden chimed in.  "And this won’t be hard time either, believe me.  You’ll have catered meals, magazines to read, you can watch TV, make phone calls, have visitors.  And if you need anything from your home, that can be arranged."  A few seconds of silence passed by and then Chris spoke again.  "You should have heard the laughing at the party when they took you out.  Everybody was in on it!  One of those cops who arrested you was Beverly Wilson’s brother."
  Then the warden: "Yeah, our other guests all came in voluntarily.  You were the only one who had to be arrested."
  "I was set up," Diane cracked.  "So what’s the charge?" she asked.
  "Stealing pens from the office," Chris answered.  "Also, Jack, this woman
is
the grand master of gag gifts and busting balls.  Lock her up and throw
away
the key, Jack."
  "Any questions, Doctor?" Tegler asked.
  "None at all," Diane said with a beaming smile.  "Book me."

PART TWO - TRANSCRIPT OF THE DR. DIANE GREEN RADIO PROGRAM, Monday,December 8, 1997, 10:00 A.M.

  Good Monday morning, everybody.  Hope you all had a nice weekend and didn’t spend it in jail like I did.  No, I didn’t break the law but I, and several other women in the community, had ourselves locked up to fight breast cancer.
We all reported to the new prison on Saturday night and the more money I raise, the longer I have to spend in jail.  You might have also heard that I had no idea I was going to be doing this as I was the victim of the cruelest of practical jokes by my loving co-workers here.  They had me arrested at our Christmas party and dragged out in handcuffs.  They really got me good, and they also donated a load of money to keep me there.  I don’t think I really should tell you this but, I am still in jail and I’m still raising money.  I invite all of you to please pledge something, anything, to help fight this deadly disease.  We’ll give you a phone number to call later in the program.  All I know is they have to release me by Wednesday because they’re moving in the real prisoners very soon.  I’m sure someone’s out there now going: "Keep her there.  I called her last year, she gave me bad advice, let her rot."  Well, you too can help.  If I messed you up, now you can punish me.  Pledge a hundred bucks, that’ll show me.  A hundred has gotta be worth a few hours.  They tell me I might get out tonight, so it’s up to you out there to, uh, extend my sentence I guess you’d say.  Now you might be saying: "Doctor Diane, doesn’t sound like you’re in jail to me."  That’s another part of the story.  This is like practice for the staff of the new prison before the bad guys are brought in.  So today we are practicing transporting prisoners.  Let me tell you, folks, they gave me the works.  First of all, I’m dressed in this aqua-green jumpsuit.  I’ve been wearing it for three days.  They booked me on Saturday night, they took my mug-shots and fingerprints.  It really was fascinating.  But today, you should have seen me, you’d have thought I was a murderer.  Shackles and leg- irons, people.  They loaded me onto a van, drove me here to the station, paraded me through the place.  One of the guys here said:
"Diane, can I come over to your house tonight?"  Have you ever tried to walk in those things, or heaven forbid been forced to walk in those things?  You have to take baby steps, it’s like learning to walk all over again.  I literally was escorted into the studio before the guard took the chains off, and now he’s sitting outside the door so I don’t escape.  If I want to go down the hall to get a drink of water, he’s going to cuff me.
  So I’ve been in jail now for about 36 hours.  Let me tell you, it’s very humbling.  I know we’re just playing a game, but I do feel a little like my freedom has been stripped from me and in essence it has.  I sleep in a cage.
Think about that.  The cell is so confined, it’s like a pantry and two people have to live in there.  I’m never going to jail for real, I’ll tell you that right now.
  But they are treating us very nicely, about a hundred times better than the real prisoners.  We have lots of reading material, a TV, good food, we can call our friends and have visitors.  Yes, we do have to talk to them through a pane of glass on a telephone.  As a matter of fact, my 20-year- old daughter came to visit me yesterday and the sight of her-mother-the prisoner was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.  She made a donation on the spot.  I think she maxxed out her credit card.
  But I’m very proud to be serving time for breast cancer, and I guess I have to thank all the people here at the station who cared about me so much to have me arrested.  But their money is running out.  We need your help, so get ready to write down a phone number, and when you call tell them you are pledging to keep Doctor Diane Green behind bars where she belongs...
 

PART THREE - WOMEN’S CELLBLOCK, 7:45 P.M., still on Monday

"So how was your day at work?"
  "Interesting," said Diane’s cellmate, a high-school teacher named Brenda Barrett.  "The kids had pledged all this money because they thought they could keep me out of class.  Everybody laughed when they saw me all chained up, but they got kind of mad when they found out I was teaching.  ‘Blame your parents,’ I said.  They’re the ones who said I couldn’t have a day off in jail."
  A guard came by and asked if the ladies needed anything.  "What’s our story?" Diane asked.
  "You’re both in tonight," was the answer.  "Should be released tomorrow morning or afternoon, unless you get another windfall like today.  You’re the last ones."
  "We’re the only two left?" said Brenda.  The guard said yes.  "Man, can’t they just let us go?"
  "Probably," the guard replied.  "But I’ll have to check."  A short time later, he came back and congratulated them for getting out.  Diane and Brenda changed back into the clothes they had worn Saturday night, and each received a manila folder on their way out.  It was their "file" and inside was an arrest report, fingerprints, mug-shots, a group photo of all the women in their prison uniforms, and a certificate.  Diane’s certificate said she had raised over four thousand dollars!
  "I’m so glad we’re being released together," Diane said to Brenda.  "Because you get to drive me home."  Once outside, both women took a deep whiff of the fresh air they hadn’t breathed in a long time and walked to Brenda’s car.  "Don’t you feel great?" Brenda said during the ride.  "You might have saved a life in there."
  "Yeah, that does feel good, and we’re free!" Diane said, throwing her
arms
up.
  "It does make you think, doesn’t it?"
  "I heard the old prison was a million times worse than that.  Can you imagine?"
  Their conversation continued until they reached Diane’s house.  They had gotten along very well since they met on Saturday, which wasn’t surprising because Diane got along with almost everyone.  They agreed to exchange phone numbers and get together soon.  Diane already couldn’t wait to introduce Brenda to her friends because she could say: "We met in jail." Brenda pulled the car up to the house and put it in park.  "Can I ask you for some advice?"
  "Sure," Diane said.  She could tell Brenda was a little embarrassed because she suddenly wasn’t making eye contact and struggled with the words.
  "Well, have you heard about people who, like they play games about being
a
prisoner?"
  "Are you talking about sexual fantasies or....?"
  Brenda looked down at the floor, obviously uncomfortable.  "Well, yeah, but I’ve never done it, never really even thought about it, but now since they let us go I want to and I can’t stop thinking about it.  Do you think I’m sick?"
  "No, absolutely not," Diane counseled her.  "Look, it’s not uncommon but I think you should wait a little while before you act on it.  I give a lot of relationship advice but I never tell anybody what to do and what not to do in the bedroom.  But give it some time.  Wait until after the holidays, and if you’re still feeling the urge, it would probably be healthy to experiment instead of bottling it up.  When it comes to living out fantasies or even dabbling in bondage, I think it’s OK as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody.  And you’re certainly not sick, or a pervert or anything." "Oh, thank you," Brenda exhaled.  "I don’t really get the chance to listen to your show because of school, but my friend was right about you.  You are the best, you just made me feel so much better."  As she spoke, Brenda’s voice turned into a whisper and she leaned over the front seat and kissed Diane’s cheek softly and slowly.  "I’ve also never made love with a woman before, and I don’t think that would hurt anybody."  Brenda ran her left hand down Diane’s chest.  "Isn’t that part of the prison experience too?" she said, now gazing again into Diane’s eyes.
  "Brenda, I think you should experiment, but it’s not gonna be with me.  I promise I’ll call you, and we’ll have a nice dinner, and we’ll talk."  When Diane said "we’ll talk", she raised her eyebrows.  The gesture seemed to say:
And maybe we’ll have sex because I do think you’re very young and beautiful, but I’m straight too and we both need to think about what we’re doing.   Brenda understood Diane’s meaning almost like it was a telepathic message.
"Well, good night, Diane," she said in a regular voice.  "It was a pleasure being in prison with you."
  "Same here," Diane said and got out of the car.  She walked up to her front door and turned to wave goodbye.  Brenda blew her a kiss and drove off.
 

PART FOUR - New Year’s Eve
 

  Diane called Brenda on a whim and was thrilled that she was free.  They went out for a nice evening and went back to Diane’s house, where they talked about their feelings as the rest of the world partied.  Brenda told Diane she still felt the same, and her desire had not subsided but she still was scared.  Diane said that she too had thought a lot about the last time they had seen each other, and she was ready to take her own advice and experiment.  "I’m nervous too," Diane said softly as they sat on her couch.  "But it’s good that we’re nervous because that means we’ll be extra careful."  They kissed on the mouth, and stripped nude and spent a glorious night together - taking turns playing prisoner and jailer, and with handcuffs Brenda had brought along in her purse.
  The next morning, Diane woke up and thought the joke played on her many weeks before was the best present she had gotten.
 

THE END