Date: Fri, 6 Mar 1998 16:06:56 -0700 (MST)
The Style Invitational
Here are the entrants in a contest in which the readers were
asked to tell Gen Xers how much harder you had it in the old days:
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Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty,
my beloved paper clip. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
In my day, your mama was so ugly, we walked 15 miles to school because
she was the bus driver. (Rob Cramer and Fredreka Schouten, Arlington)
In my day, we didn't have fancy high numbers. We had "nothing," "one,"
"twain" and "multitudes." Or you could hold up digits to show how
many, maximum 20 for women, 21 for men. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
In my day, attitudes were different. For example, women didn't like
sex. At least that is what they told me. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had
real doggie-do, and no one thought it was a damn bit funny.
(Brendan Bassett, Columbia)
When I was a kid, 2K RAM and 2 Hz was good enough. 36 Megs
and 300 Hz? You can't even type that fast. (Dan Chaney, Clinton)
Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited
about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
In my day, we didn't have days. There was only "time for work," "time
for pray" and "time for sleep." The sheriff would go around and tell
everyone when to change. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
In my day, people could only dream of hitchhiking a ride on a comet.
(David Ronka, Charlottesville)
In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we
ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes
drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as strong as
AAGGKK-GAAK Urrgh. Thud. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition
on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
(Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)
In my day, we didn't have mouses to move the cursor around. We only
had the arrows, and if the up arrow was broken and you needed to get
to the top of the screen, well, you just hit the left arrow a thousand
times, dadgummit. (Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)
In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice
saying `Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if
your hand was sticking out it scraped along the tunnel all the damn
way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the
base fare was only a dollar. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own
hydrogen and oxygen atoms. (Diana Hugue, Bowie)
In my day, we didn't have Strom Thurmond. Oh, wait. Yes we did ...
(Peg Sheeran, Vienna)
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun
revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a
giant tortoise. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
In my day, we wore our pants up around our armpits. Monstrous
wedgies, but we looked snappy. (Bruce Evans, Washington)
In my day, we didn't have Dilbert or Zippy, we had the mindless
sentimental drivel of Family Circus and the stilted banality of Mark
Trail. Now that was suffering. What? You must be kidding.
Never mind. (Chris Kaufman, Lanham)
In the old days, nobody asked you to sign petitions. The sheriff just
came to your house and told you you was part of a posse. (Barry
Blyveis, Columbia)
Back in my day, "60 Minutes" wasn't just a bunch of gray-haired
liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired liberal
60-year-old guys. (Russell Beland, Springfield, and Jerry Pannullo,
Kensington)
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback
barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you
could outrun him. (Sarah M. Wolford, Hanover)
...AND THE CONTEST WINNERS WERE:
Second Runner-Up: In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went
barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for
traction. (Bill Flavin, Alexandria)
First Runner-Up: In my day we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or
any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller
skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd
weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had
because our allowances were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys
instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm
so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter
because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble
anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like
today. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
And the winner is:
In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and
wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. (Barry Blyveis,
Columbia)
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