Quotes taken from Job Performance Reviews
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more like a definitely won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- Whenever she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving some village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
- A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus.
- A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Single celled organisms outscore him on IQ tests.
- Donated his brain to science before he was finished with it.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but there's not a train in sight.
- Has two brains; one is lost, and the others gone looking for it.
- He's so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, we couldn't afford her refund.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd need to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
- Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.