RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR AT SMU:
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This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca and Gary
English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion
has been reached.
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At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said,
in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she
must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl.
His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile
was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things
to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic
bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said
into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before
he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read
in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth-when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's
innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were
on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize
the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion
which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference table.
"We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semiliterate
adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
Asshole.
Bitch.
(
geocities.com/hanson_c)