Once upon a time…….a boy and a girl were born to make their fortune in a world torn in the battle of good and evil.
As often happens in this genre, they had each been given blessings on the outset.

The boy had been gifted with a quick, compassionate mind and beautiful hands. They were perhaps not the best suited blessings for a boy forced to survive in a world where the merest details such as the vocal sound of his last name and the warm hues of his complexion spoke against him. But they served him well and the boy grew to manhood with the fierce determination that no men with red necks should ever hinder him in becoming a great warrior as befits the male characters in these sorts of things.

But let us leave him to his growing up while we look instead to the girl.
The girl in turn had been gifted with as great a beauty as befits any maiden, destined to become a fabled lady. Now beauty alone in such cases is quite sufficient as her fairy godmother loved to point out. Yet the godmother had perhaps been well served with a little more clarity of mind and conviction herself for it would seem that all of this which should have befallen the girl’s brother Danny was instead bestowed on the girl.

And a warrior, he did become and a fair maiden she certainly was despite her chosen profession and his dislike of authorities.

The forces of evil soon perceive the threat of two such sources of light and joy, together capable of drawing attention away from the desired and prolonged tragedy of their delightfully obnoxious fair-haired prince.
After many mutterings in an ancient language, most befitting for tragic tales, two wicked witches were sent forth to prevent their destined iconic meeting.
The wicked witch of the Drazen connection and the credit card killing lured our noble warrior with tales of woe until his compassionate heart bled for her. Fortunately she was unable to completely conceal her evil desire for the fair haired prince and from this our warrior knew to guard his heart so while it bled, it did not suffer fatal injuries when her wicked intentions were known.

Meanwhile the wicked division witch of the curly hair and bitchy disposition tried her wiles on our fair maiden.
Perhaps it was something in the mix that our fair maiden’s godmother messed up but the witch though attracted to our heroine, erroneously fixed on the less fortunate brother and our fair maiden escaped her clutches and was able to flee straight into the arms of our dear beloved warrior.

And why had fate chosen to be so kind?

Perhaps the answer lies in the deliberations of the forces of good. When the schemes of the dark side were known, they decided with a unanimous vote of the sacred husky-voiced “yeah” to enter yet another element of power into the balance. A decision was made to gift the man with a talisman powerful enough to ward off the worst of the evil and yet gently alluring as to attract the beautiful maiden.

And if he thought it odd to be suddenly so interested in grown men playing with sticks and balls (in other circumstances than the obvious one which cannot be explained in a fairytale which by definition must be chaste) and for her ponder why she found herself fancying a man who may have made a reputation for himself as a warrior but who was not a prince, simply for the way his beautiful hands wrapped itself around a ceramic goblet, we do not know. The story tells us nothing of this.

The divine intervention came just in time to prevent the lovers from perishing in a great thunder so powerful as to slay many of those near to them and render things far more robust than goblets of dark steamy, foul tasting liquid into mere rubble.
It was there amongst the bloodstains, dust and other tangible evidence of evil her beauty overwhelmed him and his strength gave her comfort.

To those who think our warrior and maiden lived happily on from this point however, you have forgotten ‘tis the nature of fairytales to be filled with far more unspeakable horrors like disasters both nuclear and viral, severed limbs like chopped-off hands, hack sawed heads in bowling bags and ferocious feline beasts preying on maidens with little more sense than the bear traps they become caught in.

And yet to those who instead thinks that this must end with horrible death according to the laws of those confounded Greeks whose tongue the forces of evil have adapted, I tell you this. You judge far too hastily.

For a time the couple lived in peace and tranquillity almost out of the eye of the evil forces, the warrior seemingly content to be a great leader and the maiden equally determined to follow him anywhere as befalls proper ladies.

But trouble was brewing in paradise for the forces of evil had realized their plan was dangerously close to being thwarted. So they sent a dark prince who did battle with the blond prince and indeed declared war on the entire kingdom.
But the worst of all is yet to come because under the guise of these horrible deeds he was able to put a curse on our happy couple. Twas quite simple. The curse could only be lifted if the warrior thus proved himself to be a warrior and the maid followed him faithfully as was becoming in such a young lady.
But as you may know, it can be the simplest of plans that wreak the most havoc in the scheme of things for when the compassionate warrior was faced with his lady love in perilous circumstances brought on by the dark prince, he forgot all about the warrior code and sought only to bring her to safety.

So well disguised was the evilness of the black prince that even as he was slain by the forces of good, the crowds looked at our noble warrior and since he had not carried the proud and blood soaked banner of the words “the ends justify the means” they supposed him to be evil and he was cast into a dungeon, indeed he barely escaped the noose.

The lady, so distraught by these events, had forgotten the curse. She was torn between her love and the convictions, to which she had been born. And although her poor suffering heart was nearly ripped to pieces, from the evil influence of the curse, she wrapped it in numbing ice and set forth to become a warrior in his stead and to battle all the evil that had torn him from her side.

And for a time things seemed grave indeed for our warrior seemed to be forgotten in the grand scheme of things and his lights almost extinguished.

But the fair haired prince took pity for he recognized in the warrior a fate quite similar to the one he, himself had been cursed with from birth.
So he went to the king to plead the warrior’s case. The king of the booming voice and poor taste in wives was as just as any king had ever been and he was in the end persuaded to release the warrior despite the scorn of the crowd.

But sadness had embedded itself deeply into the soul of the poor warrior and even released from the dungeon, he had not the strength to tear himself free from the evil brew, his goblet had in the meantime been poisoned with. From thence he fell into dazed despair.

The fair prince, though somewhat depraved, possessed far more sense and nobleness of heart than we have hitherto given him credit for, and he saw in this reflected mirror of his own fate however yet a tiny flicker of hope.
He realized that he must save the warriors soul for their fates were intertwined and if there be no hope for the warrior, he himself was truly doomed to a life in misery and so were every man and woman through him.

He went to the warrior and enlisted his aid in the war that was brewing between the forces of good and evil. The warrior out of gratitude for his release from the dungeon could not refuse although it pained him, for he was certain he would fail miserably as all faith in his own worthiness had deserted him.

And what of the lady, you are all sure to be asking yourselves at this point?
Well the lady spent her days becoming as great a warrior as her beloved had ever been through the conviction and clarity of mind, she had been blessed with at birth.
But her nights were spent in miserable loneliness, for even though an older nobleman courted her, she could open her wounded heart to no other.
Sir BB of the Barony of Bureaucracy was neither as old nor as ugly as these men often are, but to no avail, for though he held all the qualities of a good match she found something lacking and he could not thaw her poor heart.

And as such, through the intervention of the fair haired prince, the warrior was tossed into the great battle of all times as it erupted around them in the kingdom of low cleavages and superb extras.
And while the forces of evil were too focused on the fair haired prince and his intended, princess weeping willow to notice, the benevolence of fate intervened and placed the warrior and the maiden side by side, fighting for the survival of all that is good and right in the world.

Thus thrown together, they fought. The warrior proved himself to be a mighty warrior once again and the maiden regained her faith and devotion to him.
But it did not end here. For true immortal love comes from a source far below the surface of human emotion and cannot be achieved by the mere fulfilment of expectations, formed at birth.
It is born from trials and bitter experience that form an understanding of the nature of love that the evil forces cannot perceive and therefore cannot do battle with.

And so it was that the maiden came to understand that while her warrior was sometimes ruled by his compassion rather than his duty, this simply meant he had not only the fierce strength of a warrior but also the much more important noble, generous spirit of a true knight.
Now some say that it was also his beauty that swayed her, but this shall remain unspoken because as you know, proud knights do not care to be called beautiful.

And the warrior came to understand that while his fair maiden had a strength of conviction and clarity of mind most unsuited in a decorous and dainty lady, this made her in truth the best soul mate any man could wish for.

From this true love was formed and it was a light that shone so brightly that all were heartened by it, for while evil tries to make mockery of true love, it cannot penetrate where men have truly opened their hearts to hope.

What happened to the fair haired prince we know not, but then it matters little for while there is hope in the world, the good shall always overcome evil and the leaders of this world are but temporary guardians of the rightful ways who must fight their own battles for true love.
It is whispered of course that if he had naught else, at least the fair haired prince certainly had ample experience in matters of the heart and *ahem* flesh and that if practice makes perfect, then well….but this is neither here, nor there.

We do however know that this particular battle against evil was won and that fairest of knights and the fiercest of maidens were offered positions of great power because together they were deemed invincible in their combined of strengths.

This however they declined most respectfully (for it was the maiden that answered and not the authority mocking knight, who had been given strict orders from his lady love to hide his rolling eyes behind the beauty of his hand) and removed themselves to a quiet and prosperous life of much laughter and many ball and stick games, some of which took place on the soft furniture of their main hall. This latter produced many sons and daughter with whom to share the laughter and the joy.

And thus, far removed from the world of power, to which they had paid their due, they lived happily ever after………