Real News: 3 Birds fly off with Taco Bell Dog
Port Orford, Ct. In national news the fames Taco Bell dog (gidget) was walking down the street with his/her 4 security guards when suddenly, without warning 3 Blue Jays named Killer, Destroyer and Muffy swooped down and flew off with the famed star. When gidget was being lifted into the air he/she said, "Oh no I want a 39c taco from Taco Bell." These birds have tryed to kidnap many celebrities such as Socks, the White House Cat, Lassie, and just recently Happy the Clown. A $2 reward is being offered to the capture of Killer, Destroyer, and Muffy, and a 36c taco is being offered to the person(s) who find Gidget.
Classic Newsletter
original airdate 11/15/98 Season III
Botswanians Kidnap Tiberious K. Finch
Yesterday, the Botswana Republic did a terrible deed, at 2:09 a.m. the botswana government kidnapped President Tobias J. Finch's brother, of the mighty mammoth Empire, in responce to this terrible deed, the Mighty Mammoth Empire Council of war has declared that instead of just trying to take over the country they were going to destroy everyone in the country too. In responce to this action the Botswanaian government sent out this statement " we did not kidnap their president's brother, but whoever did we think it's darn funny."
Great Things in American History
T.V. Dinner
The T.V. Dinner was
invented in the late 1970's because the public of the United States was
just kept getting lazier and lazier, plus mothers were now working full-time
jobs, so they could not cook for their little brat children. I personally
grew up on Television Dinners and learned about the world on the Television,
because the man in the Lab coat said it would make me more like a real
boy.
Commy Chat w/ fidel Castro
Panamania
The situation between my native Cuba and the stupid Panama is steadily getting worse. Panama begun to threaten to go to war with Cuba over that Canal, that should rightfully belong to Cuba. Tobob Leenoonioo, the present Presidente' of Cuba, (The Predecessor to me), has told Panama that Cuba would take over Panama by force if Cuba had to. This is not a good thing!
The Art of sculpting Vomit
"Season III Premiere"
When you begin you must have someone binge eat until they are full and throw it back up that way you have all of stomach fluids with the halfway broken down particles of food. Then get your trusty rusty turn table and begin to mold the vomit. This should be very easy to do but you must wear gloves because the Hydrochloric Acid (Stomach fluid) will burn through your brain. That is the reason it is so fun to mold then all you have to do is put it in a pie tin in your oven and wait till a putrid smell fills your house and it is done.
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Redemption is Coming, Can you handle It?