How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I’d be singing this song some day
And now I’m sinking, sinking to rise no more

If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine

God Josh, I miss you so much. It’s only been a week since I left our home. I don’t blame you though, for making me leave. I’d make me leave too. I just never thought I could miss you so much. I’d give anything to go back and undo all of the hurt that I caused you.

Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the blink of an eye
Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering
When every day I pray please come back to me

If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then darling you, you would be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine

I never realized how much you meant to me. I was too blind to see how much you loved me. I let all of the little things you’d do for me just go right by without acknowledging them. You never let me come home to an empty house. You were always there with your beautiful smile and a kiss. When I needed to be alone, you knew that too and gave me my space. You’d always make me laugh when I was feeling down. You never pressured me to tell anyone about our relationship. You always said I love you, without expecting to hear it in return. You loved me unconditionally.

And you had enough love for the both of us
But I, I did you wrong, I admit I did
Now I’m facing the rest of my life alone

If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then darling you, you would be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine

Why didn’t I show you that I loved you? Why didn’t I tell you that I loved you? Plain and simple because, I ‘m a damn coward. I was afraid of our love. Afraid of what the world would think of our love. I’m not strong when it comes to facing the world. Not like you are. In so many ways you are my hero. You let the world see who you are. You aren’t afraid to be yourself. You are confident enough to be who you are and not be ashamed of it. You are the strongest person that I know.

God, when I think about how I hurt you, I just want to lay down and die. I know I hurt you all of those times. I knew that you knew about Britney. I just couldn’t accept myself for what I am. I thought that what I was doing with her, would somehow make what I was doing with you right. I know that doesn’t even make sense to me. How can I make you understand it? All I know is that every damn time I was with her, I was wishing it was you. Every time I held her, I felt you. I could never even bring myself to say I was making love to her, because I wasn’t. I was fucking her. I made love to you. Every time I was inside her, I closed my eyes and saw you. I couldn’t be with her and not want you.

I’d never hurt you
Never do you wrong
And never leave your side
If I could turn back the hands

There’d be nothing I wouldn’t do for you
Forever honest and true to you
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you

If I could turn back time, everything would be different. I’d show you every day how much I love you. I’d make you my world. I’d cut off my own arm before I’d hurt you ever again. I wouldn’t go on another trip without you by my side. I’d never lie to you. I’d never cheat on you. I’d bring you roses every day. Make you breakfast in bed every morning. You’d never doubt my love.

That would be my will
Darling I’m begging you
To take me by the hands

I’m going down
Yes I am
Down on my bended knee
And I’m gonna be right there
Until you return to me

I know you told me not to come begging you to take me back again. I’ve done that too many times before. I swear to you that this time will be the last. I can’t live like this. I need you to be whole. You are the other half of me. I won’t give up until you’re my love again. I know that it won’t be easy for you, to trust me again. I’ll do everything in my power to earn that.

I’m coming home Josh. You may not want me there right now, but I want to be there. We bought that house together; it’s our home. You are my home. You are my life. I’ll make you see that I love you. I’ll make you believe that.

I’ve been staying in this hotel for a week now. This has been the loneliest week of my life. I miss you so much it hurts. When I came home that night and saw my bags by the door, I felt my heart fall from my chest. I know I can never take away all of the horrible things that I did, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making them up to you. I love you so much Josh, I just pray that it’s not too late for our love. I’m ready to tell the world that I love you. I won’t let another day go by without shouting it from the highest mountain. I only hope that you will forgive me this one last time. I’m coming home Josh.

the end
previous: it's not right, but it's okay

THE END