Aeva Demeter sat on her top bunk bed, taking care not to move. One leg hung from side, her other leg clutched in her arms. Her chin rested on her knee. With one eye closed, the other squinting, Aeva held her position.
Don’t move. Don’t move.
Demeter kept repeating that in her mind.
Don’t move. Don’t move.
Without even knowing why she felt that she had to hold still, Aeva obeyed her instincts and was motionless. The hairs on the back of her head stood on end. Her muscles were tense. Her fingernails dug into the leg she was holding, but she paid no attention to the pain.
He’s here.
Preoccupied with the feeling that her nightmare was real, Demeter hadn’t noticed the other newsgirls walk into the bunkroom.
“Hey, Aeva, didja even sell today?” Breathless McQueen asked her bunkmate.
Don’t move. Don’t move.
Bay Miller and Breathless exchanged glances and shrugs. Looking up at Demeter with concern, Breathless reached a hand to the dangling leg and touched it softly. “Aeva?”
Frightened by the sudden contact, Demeter let out a terrible yelp and swung her leg back on the bed abruptly. Demeter sunk her nails into her mattress and, staring at Breathless like a deer caught in headlights, started panting.
Breathless, herself, had a look of horror on her face. She had no intention of scaring Demeter like that, she just wanted to know if she was all right.
Realizing that she had no reason to panic, Demeter slowed her breathing and eased her tensions. She opened her mouth to say something, but ended up slinking off the other side of the bed instead. Slowly lifting her head back to Breathless, who was still staring at her with disbelief, Demeter turned and made her way to the door of the bunkroom. Rather than apologizing, Aeva felt the need to be alone and not have to explain why she was so uptight. No one would believe her, anyway. No one ever did.
On one particular night, after all of the other Harlem newsgirls were fast asleep, Aeva could not bear the feeling any longer. If it went on any longer, it would kill her. She screamed as loud as she could, trying to block out the ringing in her ears. She gripped her pillow until her knuckles turned white and her nails tore into the material. In Demeter’s mind, she thought she was just shrieking sounds: horrible sounds that she could barely believe were coming out of her, but sounds nevertheless. In the frightened minds of the Harlemites who were jolted out of sleep, Aeva was screeching words: words that they could not yet tell what they were, but words nevertheless.
“Will somebody get somethin’ ta wake her up?” Flash shouted irritably as she saw all of the girls just staring at the girl. “Don’t just stand there gawkin’!”
Immediately, three girls ran into the washroom and retrieved some water. They didn’t know (which no one could, since Demeter’s eyes were clenched shut) that Demeter was actually awake. When the girls reached Aeva’s bed, they handed the cup to Flash, who climbed up (making sure not to be in target in case Aeva started kicking) and splashed the water on the crazed girl.
Demeter sputtered as her yelling trailed off. She hadn’t noticed that the lights were turned on and every girl in the room was crowded around her bed. No one spoke but all of them were watching her.
“I,” Demeter began, before stopping herself. Another thing she had promised herself was to never say she was sorry. People overused the word, taking the meaning out of it. “I didn’t mean to wake everyone up,” Aeva muttered softly.
Seeing that Aeva stopped yelling and seemed to be recovering, many of the girls returned to their beds, exhausted. Eventually, after it was clear that Demeter would not say anymore, even Flash and Blue Skies went back to bed. Breathless was the last one standing before Aeva. The lights flickered off.
“I ain’t leavin’ till ya tell me what’s wrong.”
Pulling the sheets back over her and turning her back to Breathless, Aeva answered, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, now, don’t gimme that! First, ya didn’t sell that day last week; then, ya nearly bite my head off when I ask if yer all right; and now, this little night fiasco. If nothing is the matter, than yer either crazy or a damn good actress.”
“Then I’ll run away and join the circus,” Aeva whispered with her back still towards Breathless, “It’s the only thing I haven’t done. Good night.”
Still not satisfied, Breathless whispered, “You can tell me, ya know. It’s not like I’m gonna turn ya in or nothin’. I’d just like ta know why the girl above me goes mad, is all. I’ve gotta right ta know, bein’ yer bunkmate an’ all.” After a pause, she added, “Please?”
Finally turning on her other side, Aeva looked Breathless in the face with her clear eyes. It took her a while to speak, but when she did she wouldn’t allow herself to stop for fear that she wouldn’t be able to start again.
“All right. What d’you want to know? Why I never talk? Why I suddenly begin raving without warning? On both accounts it’s because of my brother. You probably won’t understand but I don’t blame you-why should you understand? You didn’t have to watch your brother die. Yes, that’s right, I watched every painful moment of it. Why? Why didn’t I just turn away? How could I bear to see him like that at the gallows? I was only five. Five years old and I didn’t know what death meant. I knew the word, all right, but I knew a lot of words without meaning. The scariest part was that I didn’t want to look away. I forced myself to keep my eyes on him, swinging back and forth like a pendulum on a grandfather clock. Back and forth, back and forth. It made me sick to my stomach, but I wouldn’t let myself blink. He was my brother, it was Chuck having his life taken away before my eyes, but I would not blink.
“If he had called out my name, that’s all he had to do. All he had to do was call out my name and I could know that he was still going to be there for me when I fell and scraped my knee. All he had to do. But he didn’t do it. He just hung there, limp. He had stopped moving by that time. I thought maybe he was just tired; maybe he was asleep. I started running towards him but the guards wouldn’t let me pass. They called me a street rat and pushed me back into the crowd. They didn’t know it was my brother they killed. They didn’t care. I still didn’t know what death meant. The crowd cleared, my brother was taken down, and I silently followed where they took him. If Chuck wasn’t going to talk, I certainly wasn’t. He always called me his little kitten. Kittens never talked. Chuck never talked. Why should I talk after everything I loved stopped talking? That’s why I don’t talk.
“Why do I go mad? You would, too, if you had the memory of your brother the human pendulum burned into your skull. I wasn’t asleep when I started screaming. I was wide awake. How would you like to have nightmares when you’re still awake? Every moment makes it worse, and worse, and worse-until I just crack. It never goes away, the feeling. But sometimes it’s worse than others.”
Breathless couldn’t find any words. She had not expected such a confession from Demeter. Everyone knew she loved her brother, they had heard her mumble to him when she thought no one was listening. But none of them had guessed that she had seen him die when she was only five. What made it worse was the way Aeva talked about it. She was cold and almost hostile. Breathless got the feeling that Demeter had given up all reasons for living. She wanted to comfort her, but there were no words she could think of except, “I’m sorry.”
“You see, you don’t understand. Everyone who doesn’t understand says that they’re sorry. But you’re not sorry, you just pity me. Sorry means that you won’t do it again, but you didn’t do anything so you couldn’t possibly do it again.”
“But I brought it up. I didn’t mean to.”
“Oh, but you did. You wanted an answer, and I gave it to you. Don’t be sorry, and don’t feel guilty. You didn’t bring it up, anyway, it never goes away. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I should go to sleep before I wake anyone up again.”
“Wait,” Breathless urged, “I wanted ta ask ya ‘fore I forgot-and I don’t think I’m ever gonna get the chance ta ask ya again.” Breathless waited for Aeva to give her a sign to continue. After Aeva nodded slightly, Breathless asked, “Why were ya shoutin’ ta Nic?”
Aeva felt a chill go through her body. “What do you mean; when? How do you know Nic?”
“I don’t know him. But when you were screamin’ a moment ago, we thought you were havin’ a nightmare. I could barely make out what you were yellin’.”
Demeter leaned closer to the edge of the bed with interest. “But I wasn’t yelling anything. It was all gibberish.”
Shaking her head, Breathless corrected, “I swear ya said, ‘Go away, Nic! Leave me alone! Leave Chuck alone! I don’t want to leave! Nic, no, Nic, go away!’” Aeva just blinked. Breathless blushed a little (she was glad it was too dark for Aeva to notice), “I think that’s what ya said, anyway.”
“I thought I was saying nonsense. I-I,” Demeter closed her eyes. She opened them suddenly, causing Breathless to step back. The moon reflected Aeva’s eyes like a cat’s, making them look even more alarming than in the daylight. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Breathless sighed quietly.
The only time Aeva would speak louder than a whisper was when she was selling. All her life she said she’d keep moving; she’d keep roaming; she’d keep finding new jobs and new homes. And yet, here she was still selling newspapers in Harlem, a good couple of months later than when she began. Demeter hated to admit it, but she was tired of wandering and running away. She had even entertained the thought of staying in Harlem forever. That was before the feeling returned.
The feeling never left her; it kept haunting her for weeks. It was a feeling so strong that it was almost tangible. Aeva could almost physically feel the pain of the feeling that pounded in her ears and in her heart. If she had not felt this feeling before, Aeva would have tried to convince herself that she was only imagining it—that it was only a bad dream that she somehow got into her mind was reality. But she had felt this way before—she knew the feeling eminently.
The last time Aeva felt this shadow of pain and fear (this strongly, at least) was 11 years ago. Eleven years prior to finding New York City, Demeter found a much more dismal sight. Eleven years before witnessing the hunger and despair of the slums of the city, Demeter witnessed a much more depressing sight. Eleven years. To Demeter, 11 years felt like 11 seconds. She could replay the incident in her mind perfectly—in fact, she did replay the incident in her mind perfectly. Every night for 11 years the image of seeing her brother hauled away by the cops, hanging at the end of a rope, and being tossed carelessly into a box thrown in the ground had returned as crisp as a ripe apple in Aeva’s mind. Eleven years. Had it really been that long ago?
The next week passed without much difference. The other girls kept to themselves, not knowing what to say to her. The feeling and pain steadily grew at such a pace that Demeter didn’t notice until it became unbearable again. At night she sunk her teeth into a towel she kept at the bed so she wouldn’t scream. With the towel clenched in her mouth she was able to control the feeling a little bit‹at least enough to keep her sanity for the time being.
However bad the nights were, the days were always worse. Around every corner she turned, Aeva could swear that Nic would be waiting there for her. She was edgier than ever‹which didn’t help her selling at all. The only way she could ignore the feeling was when she bellowed out the headlines. She might have thought that that would only make it easier for Nic to find her if he was there, but she continued to do it anyway. It was the one thing that she could do to get her mind off of her life. Even with hawking the headlines, though, those corners were still haunting her.
It was a rather slow day, so Demeter figured she had better return the papers if she wasn’t going to be able to sell anymore. There before her loomed another corner. Sucking up her breath and courage, Demeter forced herself to walk around it and take whatever was coming to her.
"Hey, watch where yer—Aeva?" The boy picked up the newspapers he and Demeter dropped when they ran into each other and handed Aeva her own pile back. "What’re ya doin’ over here on our side?"
Looking at her surroundings and realizing that she had wandered into East Harlem, Demeter shrugged. "I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going," she whispered.
Grinning, Toss-Penny joked, "It ain’t gonna be a habit, I hope?" Playfully punching the girl’s arm, he continued, "Ya never know what kind a evil lurks in this neck a da woods."
Aeva looked up at him without answering.
Toss-Penny’s smile faded, "Hey, you really okay? I mean, yer always a weird one, but today ya seem moreso than usual."
The newsgirl shook her head.
"All right," Toss-Penny said doubtfully. Looking at his pocket watch, he gasped, "Shoot, I’m late. I was gonna go visit me folks." Ruffling Demeter’s cropped hair, Toss-Penny said, "I’ll find out what’s buggin’ ya some uddeh time. See ya, Demeter."
"Bye," Aeva found herself saying back to the newsy as he hurriedly walked past her. She also found herself wishing that he hadn’t left her alone to walk around more corners.
The end of the day was a relief to Aeva because there would be no more corners to go around. It was also uneasy for her because she would have to lie awake for hours again before she went to sleep. Every time the idea of talking to someone had crept into her mind, Aeva pushed it farther away. She was determined to stay on her own like she had after she left Nic. No one was going to take advantage of this scared little girl anymore.
As the night went on, Aeva kept replaying her brother’s death in her mind. First it was in chronological order; but as Demeter grew more and more tired and her thoughts seemed to have less and less structure, the images turned into flashes going by repeatedly. Sometimes it wasn’t even a picture, it was just a word or a voice.
Chuck. Nic. Chuck. Toss-Penny. Cops. Nic, "There is no leaving." Toss-Penny. Chuck, "We’re leaving, kitten, get your stuff." Papes. Nic. Harlem. "We’re leaving, kitten, get your stuff." Breathless, "You can tell me, ya know." Harlem. Chuck. "You can tell me, ya know." Cops. Hanging. Swinging. Chuck. Papes. Toss-Penny, "Hey, ya really okay?" Toss-Penny. "Hey, ya really okay?" Toss-Penny. "Hey, ya really okay?"
"No," Aeva whispered to herself as a tear rolled down her cheek—the first tear she had shed since she came to Harlem; the first tear she had shed since she left Nic; the first tear she had shed since her brother was killed.
In the morning, Demeter made a promise to herself that she was going to talk to someone today. Anyone. Just as long as she could stop being afraid.
The newsy prepared herself for the long day of selling. Two editions a day was beginning to tire her out. She couldn’t sleep well; she couldn’t sell well. That’s how she finally came to the decision that she had to trust someone enough to let them know that she needed help. Help was the last thing Aeva ever wanted to ask for. The last time she asked for help she got Nic.
Getting the newsy frame of mind, Aeva rushed down the steps of the building with the other girls. Without paying much attention, she saw a small girl she had never seen before sitting on the steps.
Probably another runaway. It doesn’t matter, she’ll go her own way. Probably another runaway.
Aeva was doing better in selling her newspapers that day. Maybe it was because she had settled on sharing her burden with someone so she wouldn’t go crazy anymore. Maybe it was because she wasn’t thinking about Nic as much. Whatever it was, it had proved a good method of improving her profit.
As soon as her last pape was sold, Demeter ran a list through her mind of people whom she could try talking to. She hadn’t decided on anyone yet, and even started to wonder if it wasn’t a good idea, when she noticed Toss-Penny walking towards her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked the boy with a fierce glare.
Smiling, Toss-Penny answered, "What, I can’t take a visit ta your side but you can come oveh ta mine?"
"You never know what kind of evil lurks in this neck of the woods."
"You don’t forget a thing, do ya?"
Demeter stared at him. "You have no idea."
"Well," Toss-Penny shoved his empty hands in his pockets, "I was done sellin’ an’ thought maybe I’d see if ya were okay." After a pause, he added, "Are ya?"
"Yes." The boy looked at her skeptically. "No."
Nodding sharply, he said, "Now we’re getting’ somewhere. Ya wanna tell me why ya ain’t okay?"
"No." He looked at her again. "Yes."
"Good," he smiled.
"On one condition."
"What’s dat?"
"I tell you at the house."
Shrugging, Toss-Penny answered, "Sure, kid. But if Blue starts yellin’ when she sees me, you gotta explain that I ain’t there ta eat her last piece a banana bread." He grinned, "Sure was good, though."
After telling Toss-Penny what she had told Breathless, Aeva waited for him to reply. When he didn't, she continued in her story.
"I knew Nic because he was always coming over to where we lived and talking with Chuck. I knew him as Chuck's boss. I didn't know at the time, but Chuck was a pick-pocket for Nic. After Chuck started getting really good at it, he wanted to break off and form his own 'company'. Nic wouldn't allow him to. Things got back to normal after that fight. Then Nic wanted Chuck to do something that he didn't want to. I don't know what it is even to this day, but whatever it was it was important enough to eliminate any obstacles. When Chuck refused to do the job, he was an obstacle. Nic turned him in to the cops and they got a mob to lynch him. You don't get lynched for being a pick-pocket in Reno. Nic also told them he was the one who killed Governor Stevenson, in September of 1890. He was the first governor in Nevada to die in office. How can a 12-year-old boy kill a grown man? It wasn't him, I know it. He wouldn't kill anyone."
"How did Nic turn him in?" It was the first time Toss-Penny spoke since Demeter began her story.
Demeter shrugged, "He has a reputation all over Nevada--not to mention many other states out West--but he never does his own operations. He always gets someone like Chuck to do the dirty work. Therefore, no one knew for sure what Nic Malign looked like--he was a rumor. Many people don't even believe in him. He probably didn't go to the police himself. He probably had another henchman inform them about Chuck."
Toss-Penny absently grabbed another cookie off of the plate on the kitchen table as he listened to Aeva.
"Are you sure you want to hear all this?"
The boy nodded and took another chomp in the cookie.
Continuing, Aeva said in a near-whisper, "So, when Chuck was gone, I had nowhere else to go. I didn't know anyone besides Nic--how was I to know he was the one who had my brother killed? When I found him I thought he could help me..." Demeter paused, "You are sure you don't want to do something else?"
"Look, 'Meter, if ya don't wanna tell me, just say so. But I ain't leavin' until ya get all this off ya chest‹at least as much as ya wanna."
"Okay. I stayed with Nic for so many years, I don't even remember how many now. I wanted to get away almost from the beginning. When I realized that he was the one that killed Chuck, I wanted to leave more than ever. Every time I ran away he caught up with me. He's smart." Aeva smiled to herself. "But he's not smart enough. I planned the perfect escape for nearly two years. He's afraid of heights; really afraid. As much as Blue Skies, if not more. I stole some food and hid on the roof for a couple days. I got the idea from watching the cats. Chuck used to tell me that I could be just like a kitten, if I wanted to, and taught me how to climb and jump. It was easy enough getting on the roof, even though it was three stories high. Nic owned the warehouse, a perfect cover. So I stayed on the roof for a while. More to be out of reach than to hide. Nic soon found out where I had gone, and kept telling me that I would regret it when I came down. I knew he wouldn't come after me. Still, I'd have to get down sometime. The best time was in the middle of the day. He always had someone on watch at night, and almost everyone was either pulling a job or sleeping around noon. No one even noticed that I slipped away until after I was long out of Reno. Nic came after me, though. Everywhere I went I knew he was following me. I don't know how he knew where to follow me, but he did."
"Did you actually see him?"
"Once. When I first came to the East. It had to be," Aeva shrugged, trying to think, "I dunno, maybe a year ago."
"How did ya know he was followin' ya if ya only saw him once? He'd have ta have forgotten you by now."
Shaking her head, Demeter explained, "He'd die before he'd forget about me. I know he's in New York somewhere; he may even be in Harlem already."
Toss-Penny shivered, "C'mon, kid, don't talk like dat. Ya scarin' yaself, dat's all. Just got bad memories; it's all over now."
"No, it's never over. You don't know any more than Breathless does. It will never stop until he's dead."
"Listen, Aeva, I gots a grudge against whoever robbed me family but I don't want 'em dead. I know it ain't da same, but ya can't keep wishin' people would die." He shuddered, "It ain't right."
The girl rolled her eyes, "And I suppose you know exactly what makes what right? Nic deserves to die--a slow, painful death like Chuck's. He took Chuck's life, why shouldn't he have his paid in return?"
"'Cause it don't solve anything! How ya gonna be able ta clear yer brother's name if the one who did it is dead?"
Demeter sat silent for a moment. "I hadn't thought of that. Now I know what I have to do. It's gonna be hard, and I might be killed before it's done, but it's better than hiding and being afraid."
Toss-Penny's eyes widened, "Hold on, now, kid, whatta ya talkin' 'bout?"
"I have to find Nic and turn him in."
Toss-Penny looked at Demeter in horror. "Yer off ya trolley, Aeva! Ya can't go lookin' for 'im after all ya told me. It's suicide, not ta mention daft."
"I didn't ask for your opinion. I can't stay in Harlem forever, Parker. I'm sick of being scared all the time."
Taking a hold of her arms, Toss-Penny said softly, "You don't have to be. Just don't do somethin' that'll scare me. I don't want ya ta get hurt, kid."
"I won't. I need a plan, anyway. Right now, all I'm doing is selling papers until I can think of a way to get Nic--" seeing her friend's cautioning look, she covered, "behind bars."
Polishing off the last cookie, Toss-Penny grinned, "All right. Just don't do nothin' 'till ya tell me, 'kay?"
"Of course."
Toss-Penny gave Demeter a look after her sarcastic remark. "I'm serious."
Just as Toss-Penny said this, Blue Skies Costello walked in the kitchen.
"Hey, whatta you doin' here, Toss-Penny?"
The boy grabbed his coat and stood up to walk outside, "Nothin'. Nice ta see ya again, Costello. I'll tell yer brother ya said hi."
Skies stared after the newsboy with a puzzled expression. As Toss-Penny walked out the door, tipping his hat to Demeter, Blue Skies noticed the crumbs on the empty plate on the table.
More to come...
