Flames That Burn and Warm





Terin stared out into the foggy day, his arms hanging loosly at his sides. He felt so....empty, so alone-one would think that after three months-and nearly ten years before that-without anyone the young man would be used to the lonliness, hell he usually was! But there were times when he missed having someone nearby, someone he could trust....

The man shhok his head to dispell the thoughts, causing his longish dark blond hair to bat against his face. Silliness, thats all that lonliness was-just foolish sentements......he was much better off without someone. Getting too close could only cause pain, and he had had more than enough of that in his life.

Turning away from the fog filled mountains, the travelling focused his gaze back onto the burnt out fire pit left from the night before. His thoughts drifted to the past.........To three months ago when his solitude had been briefly broken by a young man, just a year or so younger than Terin himself....Ord.

Terin had met the cheerful, auburn haired boy on the road-both were travelling in the same general direction, so it started out as simply sharing a camp. While Terin was a seasoned traveller, Ord was just the opposite-a one-time sheltered child who decided that eighteen years was old enough to take care of himself, and therefore left his family behind to take a foolish trip to Herren. He knew little of how best to keep himself alive outside the walls of his city, and so Terin had taken him under his proverbial wing ever so briefly.

It had been refreshing-Ord's smiles at something so basic as a camp-fire built up, or the quiet chirp of crickets. Everything about the forest and travelling seemed to fascinate and delight him....Terin found himself growing looser and smiling more in his company.

It ended quickly-Herren was only a week's journey or so from Ord's starting city, and so they were soon there. Terin had intended to continue on, as planned, even though he was enjoying his time with the other boy, but Ord had found Herrin little like what he'd expected-he was not ready to live alone in such a large city. The auburn haired boy had pleaded with Terin to stay-a night; a day; a week....

Terin had ended up staying nearly two months-and in that time he and Ord had become lovers.

A small smile formed on the traveller's face as he remembered the sensation of awakening to find Ord warm in his arms, slight form curled into a little ball, holding on of Terin's callused hands as though it were a teddy bear. He could remember the soft sound of the other's breath; the feel of Ord's silky hair under his palms....Many times Terin would awaken before the smaller boy, and spend hours staring at his angelic face. Sometimes, he would spend the time drawing the boy, paying loving attention to each line of his form as though Ord were some kind of God to be worshipped through charcole sketches....He still had those drawings. They were burried in his pack, safe against his food and clothing....Perhaps he should burn them, destroy them. After all, Ord was gone.

Ord hadn't said anything, but Terin had seen it anyway-in his love's eyes; movements and actions....Ord grew used to the city, and no longer needed Terin's help or protection. He grew popular with the local boys-and girls. His nights were no longer spent wrapped in Terin's arms naming stars; or whispering about his life.....He would be out with his other friends, laughing and joking, while Terin watched; the distance of a table seeming like millions of miles.

Even though Ord said he still loved Terin, the other man knew that there was no place for him in Ord's new life-just as there had been no place for him in his old life. So, early one morning, before Ord had awaken, Terin had stole a last glance at his love and left.

That was three months ago-Terin hadn't heard from Ord since, yet he was still obbsessing about it.

Stupid, stupid! Love and lonliness-pointless emotions! Never get too close to the fire-you'll get burnt. Well, love was a fire and lonliness was the burn.

Terin's head dropped onto his knees and he allowed himself a moment longer, his facial expression growing pained at the thoughts that continued to plague him....and then his head snapped up, hair swinging, expression once again an emotionless mask.

The traveller stood, brushing off his brown pants as he scattered the ashes from the night's fire with a booted foot. He quietly got his pack together, and pulled it onto his back. A last glance at the campsite-he was forgetting nothing-and then the young man was on the road once again. His mind assumed a welcome and familiar blankness as he walked-the road never changed, the scenery was not so important...it could not hurt him.

~*~

The young man walked until he noticed the sun lowering between the great hills of Isern, painting the sky in brilliant red and violets....Ord had love the sunsets on the road....No, mustn't think about Ord.

Terin looked around the area he stood, even as dusk grew to night, then stepped off the road. The small dirt path had a ditch on either side of it and was surrounded by thick forest. Terin could make camp at the edge of the wood, with the road still visable, yet harder for other travellers to see. He lit a small fire to cook his dinner on, then sat down with a sigh beside it. He still felt empty-but he had to forget that......

Slight footsteps sounded on the road behind him, and Terin sprang quickly to his feet, covering the fire with dirt. He didn't trust those who would travel at night-no matter how empty he felt, he didn't want to end up stabbed by a bandit.

With the fire out, the area was considerably darker-night had fallen, and Terin hadn't even noticed. He peered up onto the road cautiously, searching for the shadowy figures that he had heard......

There! Terin's keep brown eyes spotted the lone person-he was small, and hunched over, his steps dragging wearily, yet he didn't pause to make camp or rest his obviously-aching feet. The detirmination he showed was.....amazing.

The figure paused, not ten feet from where Terin's was watching silently, and sighed. The sigh was familiar.......

Terin's eyes grew wide, and he stepped out onto the road, causing the other person to jump, hand going to his belt. "Ord?" Terin said softly, unbelieving, before the boy could pull a knife.

"Terin!" Ord exclaimed excitedly, any weariness forgotten as he launched himself at his old lover. Automatically, Terin wrapped his arms around the boy, who clung to him like he were a lifeline. "Ord, what are you doing?" Terin said at last, prying the other's arms from around his neck and sheathing his knife. He took the redhead's hand and pulled him down to his camp, talking as he did so. "Why aren't you in Herren? And what are you doing travelling at night-it's dangerous!"

Ord sat down on the ground as Terin's hands pushed on his shoulders. "I came after you," the boy answered, his eyes following Terin as he got to his knees to re-start the fire that he'd smothered. "When you left....." the young man shook his head and started again. "I love you, Terin, and I couldn't take that you left....that you might not love me..."

Terin glanced over his shoulder as the kindling he'd put out lit, focusing on the wide, watery eyes and slightly quivering lower lip of his love-had Ord followed him all these months? Followed him to be sure of his love? It seemed to rediculous....Shaking his head faintly, Terin turned and blew softly on the flames, coaxing them to grow. When the fire was going a bit better, he sat back, aware that Ord was watching on him; biting his lower lip; waiting for him to say something...

"Of course, I love you, Ord." Terin said at last, staring sternly into the other boy's eyes.

Ord's face lit up light a candle, a grin growing on his delicate lips, his eyes growing brighter as he leaned forward to give Terin another hug. had he not believed it to be true?

"But," Terin continued, his arms wrapped around the other of their own accord. "There was no room for me in your life...Herren couldn't hold me, and I couldn't tie myself to you."

Ord pulled back slightly, though his arms remained resting on Terin's shoulders. "Is that why you left?" he asked. Terin nodded. Another, smaller, smile pushed it's way onto Ord's face. "Terin," the younger man said, leaning closer. "There is always room for you in my life-more room for you than Herren or the others..." He paused and gave a little yawn, that made Terin chuckle.

"Go to sleep, Ord," Terin said, pulling the other closer, an arm wrapping around his waist. "I'll not leave again, and you obviously need your rest...."

Ord sighed, leaning onto his lover. He fell asleep like that, arms wrapped tightly around Terin's neck as though to keep him there.

Terin smiled as he watched firelight flicker off of Ord's beautiful face-maybe, just maybe, love wasn't so bad a thing....If it was a flame, it could burn-but it could also warm. Terin didn't feel empty anymore-he just felt....warm. Warm and content.



End



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