Illusions of Love





True love is an illusion. If you love someone...if you're in love with someone, with all your heart and all your mind, chances are they don't love you back. They love someone else, or themselves...or perhaps they think they love you, but if it fucks up, they'll get over you; you'll get over them. And things always fuck up. No point in loving people, you'll just get hurt. Sure, have fun while you can, pretend you love them if you like...but it'll all turn out the same in the end.

I didn't believe that. It was spoken...or at least, the idea was spoken, by an ex of mine, Drea. We'd been going out for two weeks at that point. We weren't going out for love-I didn't love her and she didn't love me. We were both going out as a way to try and get over people...because we'd both thought we'd been in love. Sometimes, I wonder if she ever managed to get over that person...I hadn't completely gotten over mine yet. And I guess, thats what kept me from believing her words. It'd been months since Penny broke up with me, dumped me and left me crying on the floor...yet she still haunted my dreams and my heart to beat irractically when she was nearby. Perhaps I hadn't given it enough time...feelings fade over time, right? They obviously did for my ex...Gods, I don't know...

I'm sitting on the floor of my room, knees folded below me, wearing a pair of faded, paint covered jeans and a suvenier tee-shirt I'd bought in China...one hand cupped my chin while the other fiddled absently with a thin paint brush. My slim eyes were directed at the canvas on the ground before me, wondering how the hell the picture on it had taken form. I'd not meant to paint it the way I had...it was supposed to be a girl with no features...behind her, half hidden in dark shadows, masks of her face floated, each with a different expression. Yeah, that worked...it was even recognizable. But so was the girl...the girl was Penny.

Damn it! She'd invaded my paintings now too?

With a half growl, half sigh I let the paintbrush fall into the Mason jar filled with turpentine. It'd take at least a day for the painting to dry, no reason to keep looking at it. Carefully I picked it up, and slid it on the high shelf of my highest bookcase, where I couldn't see the image. Then I sat back down.

So, Penny obviously wasn't true love. The realization that had been hovering in the back of my mind for months now hurt...but it was the truth. Or maybe not...who said true love had to be everlasting? People change...I've changed, Penny certainly had. And while we were together...I would have done anything for her.

And what about Rae, my current girlfriend? I love her, don't I? And she loves me...at least, thats what I think and what she says...and I'm inclined to believe her. Perhaps that won't last either, but for now isn't the love true? Or has it been too short of a period? Can someone love two people at once? I don't think I want love if it has to be exclusive...

...things always fuck up. No point in loving people, you'll just get hurt. Sure, have fun while you can, pretend you love them if you like...but it'll all turn out the same in the end...

Sure, things might sometime fuck up...but wasn't letting myself be in love fun in itself? The feeling of security and being so close to someone that when their sad you cry along with them? It's probably not the type of fun that Drea was thinking of-the little nympho...but it certainly did hold appeal.

Enjoy the now...love for the now. Let emotions in for the now. And I did love Rae...

I stand, Penny suddenly far from my mind, and start out of the room, in search of the phone and Rae's number.



End



Read more creepy originality!