Illusions of Love





I brushed a mop of mouse colored hair off my brow, even though I knew the gesture was completely ineffective-it fell right back into it's previous place. One of these days I would get around to cutting it, but I never seemed to find the time. I glanced down at myself. I looked rumpled-I WAS rumpled. My suit ill-fitted me; my hair was long; my skin pale and sallow. I had no love for life-not since Marco died.

Marco was so different from me-just the opposite, in fact. He wore his jet black hair short, his jeans and tee-shirts were never dirty or crumpled. God, I missed him.

I entered the bar near my house and sat down at the counter. The waitress, Allie, greeted me by name-I had drowned one too many sorrows there, I was too well known. "How are you doing, Josh?" She asked, glancing at me with her oddly violet eyes under thick lashes.

"The same." I sighed, shoving my hair out of my face again. "I'm always the same, I never seem to change." Allie put the tequila shot that I customarily had at the beginning of the night before me and nodded.

"No, you never seem to....." she cocked her head and watched me. "You know, you really should at least try to get over your boyfriend....."

I drank the tequila in one sip and shook my head. "I don't want to." It was the truth-I didn't want to get over Marco. If I got over Marco, then he would fade in my head....I didn't want my memory of him to fade.

Allie sighed, pulling the shot glass back from the counter. "Then, maybe not get over him, but meet someone new at least.....I could introduce you to my brother. He's gay and single-I think you'd like him." I gave her a wry smile, as she started away to serve another young man who had entered the bar. She glanced over her shoulder. "Just think about it, Josh....."

I didn't want to think about it-the thought of getting over my old lover, or finding someone new was too disterbing, but against my will, I did. I thought about it, and the more I thought about it, the better the idea seemed. I would never forget Marco-I never could, but maybe someone knew would ease the pain. I had, after all, been moping about, wallowing in my boyfriend's death for three months now.....

The bar was unusually busy that night, and Allie had had little time to do more than give me a smile as she passed for most of the night. When things finally slowed down enough, she came back over to me and sat down across from me. She didn't speak-she waited for me to make the first move.

"I think-I think that I want to meet him." I admitted, watching the woman for a reaction.

Allie smiled and nodded. "Good. I'll give you his number and you can call him-I've mentioned you, he won't mind...."

"Okay," I answered awkwardly, as Allie scribbled out something on a piece of paper.

"Call at night," she said, handing me the slip with a name and number on it. "He likes to sleep during the day....and tell me how it turns out."

I nodded, putting the paper in my pocket and drawing out my wallet. I payed for my drinks and headed out of the bar, leaving Allie to take care of her business.

I didn't live far away-I had a nice appartment just a block down the street and arrived there within minutes. I went inside. My home was dimly lit and smelled ever so faintly of vinilla-Marco's touch. Everything was a mess, though it had once been perfect. I kicked aside a pile of clothing as I headed to my bed.

I let myself fall flat on my bed, kicking off my shoes as I did. I stared at the cieling-I wasn't ready for sleep yet, it wasn't past one. I remembered Allie's brother and how she said to call him at night-I fished the crumpled paper out of my pocket.

Written on the paper, in blue pen and fairly neat writing was, as I had expected, a name and number. Guy Dworkin. I picked up the portable phone, which was resting on the bedside table, and, without allowing myself to think, dialled the numbers.

I held my breath as the phone rang. I almost wished that he were sleeping or out....the phone rang five times, and I was about to hang up, when it was answered.

"Hello?" The voice wasn't overly deep-it was a plesant tenor.

"Uh, hi," I said awkwardly. "Could I speak to Guy Dworkin?"

"This is him," the same voice answered after only the briefest of pauses. "What can I do for you?"

"My name is Josh Affery.....your sister, Allie, thought that we should meet...." It sounded pathetic, and I found myself trailing off.

"Of course," Guy replied without a change in his voice. "Al's told me all about you-in fact she's on the other line right now. Could you hold on a moment." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. Guy didn't wait for me to answer verbally, but put me on hold immediatly.

While waiting for him, I contemplated what I was doing-I didn't generally like being set up. Was I so changed by Marco? And why couldn't I get him out of my head? The answer to that, of course, was that I loved him. And he died.

It was so painful-why did I even want to be with someone else? I wasn't doing it for love, perhaps, but nor was I doing it for sex. It didn't seem to make much sense to me....

The wait wasn't long and soon Guy returned. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry about that," he apologized for needed to talk to-or hang up on-his sister? "How are you doing?"

"Uh," I wasn't sure how to answer-he was a stranger after all. "I'm doing okay," It was a lie. Not an outright lie-I suposse I COULD be doing okay, and I was doing better than I often had been recently, but I wasn't okay. Somehow, I think he knew that. "You?"

"Oh, a little bored and curious, but all in all I'm doing well," he answered me smoothly. I wondered if Allie sent all depressed gay men she talked to to her brother, if he was used to getting phone calls from strange guys. "Would you like to get together?"

"Well, I guess that was the point of my calling you," I answered, after a moment's hesitation.

Guy chuckled. It was a light, plesant sound-it sounded genuine as well, but who was I to think that about someone I didn't know? "All right then-are you free tonight?"

"Uh, sure," I answered. I had nothing better to do.

"Well, then why don't we meet at river front park in an hour-you do know where that is, right?" Guy spoke fast, but didn't sound especially eager. He sounded.....normal. Like this was the average, thursday night thing to do.

"Yeah, I do.....and sure, we can meet there..." River front park was, actually, just across the street from my small apartment. It wouldn't take five minutes to get there.

"Good. I'll meet you there." Guy hung up before I could answer.

Slowly I hung up my own phone and let it drop on my bed. What an abrupt conversation.....and abrupt conversation resulting in a date. The first date I had had since Marco was alive.

I stood shakily. I wouldn't get dressed up-I hated dressing up, but I probably ought to shower and change-I had plenty of time.

I ended up showering, changing and shaving, but I still made it to the small park early. It was empty-as it well should be at two in the morning, so I sat down on a bench facing the water to wait. The moon was full and reflected off the wide river, lighting the park fairly well.

I relaxed completely-which is why I was startled when a pale hand found it's way on my shoulder. I jumped. "Josh?" Guy's voice was more mellow than on the phone. I nodded, straining my neck to see him. "Sorry for scaring you...."

"It's okay," I answered as he walked around the bench and sat down beside me. "I was just thinking," he was tall, thin with pale skin and dark hair, wearing dark clothes that fit the night.

He arranged his elegantly long legs and stared at me. "I'm Guy," he said, his full lips turning up in a small smile.

"I figured." Was my answer as I ended my study of him. He was, in truth, quite a beautiful young man.

Guy smiled again, his eyes twinkling. "Tell me about yourself, Josh," he sounded perfectly at ease.

"Well," I started awkwardly. "I'm twenty-nine years old, a photographer-but I haven't sold any pictures for a while." I took a deep breath, contemplating weather to tell him about Marco or not. Guy spoke before I could say anything anyhow.

"A photographer?" he said, sounding interested. "Can I see some of your photos?"

"Sure," I said, semi-automatically. "They're in my apartment-it's just across the way." We stood and I led Guy back to my place, wishing that I hadn't left it such a mess. Guy seemed to be a very neat person-just as Marco was.

Once inside, I turned on the lights and automatically watched Guy for a reaction. His eyes-they were grey-scanned the room, but his expression didn't change from being plesant. "Uh, come in," I said, walking over to my bookshelf and pulling off a random album of photos.

Guy walked in behind me, closing the door as he did, and sat down on a slightly hidden couch. I noticed that he arranged himself in the same way he had in the park. I awkwardly sat down beside him.

"here," I opened the album and passed it to him. Guy excepted it and flipped through, giving each page of black and white pictures a good look, pausing longer on a few than others.

"This one," he said at last, his slim finger on a photo. I glanced over his shoulder and saw that he was pointing to a picture of Marco, his face half lit by the light of a candle. "This one is very good."

"Thank you." I muttered, wishing he had chosen a different photo. Guy nodded slightly, and closed the album. I took it and stood to put it away. "Tell me about yourself, now,"

"All right," Guy said smoothly. "I spend my free time reading and visiting museums and such-I love culture and art. I speak over two dozen languages fluently. I'm old-"

"How old?" I interupted.

"Older than you think," Guy replied, looking at me oddly. "You see, Josh, I'm a vampire."

I turned my head to stare right at him, in utter surprise. "A vampire?"

"You don't believe me." Guy stated. "I can prove it," he stood up and walked over to me. Involentarily, I flinched away. Guy simply put a hand on my face-it was cold. He smiled widly at my little jump, and I could see that he had fangs.

"So?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly. "You have fangs and are cold......thats not proof of vamprism,"

Guy shrugged and released my face as he turned away. "Do you have a mirror? Wait, I found it," he walked over to the small, lopsided mirror that hung on the wall. "Come over here, Josh,"

I walked over to him and stood beside him. When I looked in the mirror-though-Guy was no where to be seen. I jumped and slided away. Guy gave a smooth laugh. "Don't worry," he said without moving towards me. "I won't hurt you,"

"What about crosses?" I asked. "Can you look at them?" Guy solumnly shook his head, no. "Can you turn into a bat?"

"When I want," Guy said, tilting his head. "And yes, I sleep in a coffin, turn to dust in sunlight and whoever I drink the blood of becomes a vampire as well."

Suddenly I couldn't stand it any further and burst out laughing. How rediculas! This young man truly thought he was a vampire.

Several feet away from me, Guy's expression darkened with my laughter. "You still don't believe me, Josh?" I straightened my head and looked at him right on, now, my lips curled in a smile. Guy's assurence wavered as he stared at me. As he noticed my fangs. "what-"

I grinned further as I darted forward to grab his wrist in a tight grip. Guy started violently. I had moved too fast. "Don't be afraid, Guy-I am just what you pretend to be, nothing else,"

Guy tried to pull away, his eyes wide with fear. I had proven myself better than he ever could. After a moment, I let him go, and he fled the apartment.

Chuckling at the entertainment, I headed over to the bed and let myself sink onto it. I could hear Guy's frantic footsteps on the stairs. He had been shocked, that was certain. Marco would have liked it. He would have joined me.

I sighed and stared at the cieling. Perhaps it WAS time to let him go, to find another lovely human, who would be my companion until his death-or perhaps, just perhaps, Marco would come back to me, no longer angry that I couldn't take his aging. Just perhaps....



End



now get back peoples, nothing to see here...