Morning (1x02)
by Florence,
with a little bit from
The Inimitable Pooh_Bah
Original Air Date: 09 September 2000
(THE WOODS)
(HARSH REALM)
(THE NEXT MORNING)
Most of the cast was sitting around rather aimlessly, because all the authors were still asleep, and therefore the writer of the next part was not awake yet. Whoever that was.
Isaac was hoping it would be The Inimitable Pooh_Bah, because if it was anybody else, he stood a very good chance of being killed in this episode. He knelt by her side, shaking her shoulder insistently, despite her grumpily-mumbled lecture about how adolescents need nine and a half hours of sleep each night and how he would be putting his life and limb in danger should he continue to try getting her up now while she still had only six hours clocked.
"That's ridiculous," Tamales, who Pooh_Bah hadn't noticed standing above her earlier, informed her DNA's original owner. "It's six thirty now. You went to bed at nine o'clock. You've had nine and a half hours."
Pooh_Bah sprang into a sitting position and stared daggers at her duplicate. "Shut up! Isaac kept snuggling up to me for three hours, and I can't sleep with that! I had to knock him out with my blackjack before he held still. I'm surprised my father didn't kill him by a quarter after nine. And you should be glad that I don't kill the two of you right now--you both know I'm not a morning person!"
Tamales formed her perfectly-lipsticked lips into an annoyingly-attractive pout. "You could have sent him to sleep with me. I don't mind snuggling. . . . "
Something truly terrifying flashed in Pooh_Bah's eyes, and before anybody could stop her, she had thrown off her blanket and jumped to her feet. Using all the force she could muster (and that was quite a bit for the five feet and four inches she had to work with), she spun and kicked, landing a devastating combat boot on Tamales' temple. The clone digitized before all but a few people could even turn around to look.
Isaac let out a pathetic wail, and crumpled into a teary little heap on the ground.
Pooh_Bah tapped his leg with her boot to get his attention.
The Pinocchio clone looked up, tears in his eyes. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!?" he screamed angrily. "I HATE YOU!! YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER!!! DAMN YOU, YOU BI--"
If looks could kill, Pooh_Bah's scowl would have been evidence in the murder trial. But since looks couldn't kill that Pooh_Bah knew of, she figured that Isaac's death must have been connected to one of the gunshots she's heard over the din the clone was creating.
Pooh_Bah spun around and scanned the camp with narrowed eyes, searching for whoever had dared to kill her Pinocchio clone. He may have been a nuisance, a blob of oatmeal, and a lying cheating Tamales-chasing philanderer, but he was her Pinocchio clone, she (theoretically) had his undying devotion, and he could write a mean business letter.
There were three smoking guns among the group.
"Stupid clone," Pinocchio muttered, blowing away the smoke from his MP5K.
"How many times do I have to tell these people to be quiet?!?" Krycek grumbled rhetorically as he reholstered his Glock.
"I'm sorry, Pooh_Bah," Hunter apologized as she set her sawed-off rifle down across her lap, "but you know it gets to me to see a Pinocchio cry like that."
But Pooh_Bah wasn't looking at any of them--she was staring at the short-haired woman standing ever-so-innocently beside a recently-vacated sleeping bag.
"Florence," she stated, with a calm chill to her voice.
The Sister turned and nodded, a cruel smirk spreading slowly across her face.
"You can't take this story over!" Pooh_Bah cried. "That's not fair! It's my episode! MINE!!"
Florence continued to stare evenly at the teenager.
"Be quiet," Alex advised Pooh_Bah. "You'll give us away."
"You would have gotten your turn writing!" Pooh_Bah insisted to Florence, ignoring Alex. "You didn't have to take mine!"
Florence's expression didn't change, and her eyes didn't waver.
"Shush!" the Russian hissed.
Pooh_Bah let out an angry snarl she'd inherited from her father, and stomped in a circle around the camp in an effort to keep the temper that had come from the same source. It didn't work, though; when she had completed her circle, she was still mad. She turned and charged at Florence.
While the girl was stomping around, Florence had gotten up and gone over to visit with Tom Hobbes, and now her back was turned to Pooh_Bah as she listened to him recite his latest letter to Sophie. The teenager took the healer completely by surprise.
This didn't help her much, though; while Pooh_Bah was capable of licking just about anybody in any reasonably fair fight, absolutely nobody had ever beat Florence one-on-one. Today was no exception, and Pooh_Bah was soon pinned to the ground beneath Florence, arm twisted behind her back almost to the point of breaking.
Hobbes stared, wide-eyed. Pooh_Bah really was a violent person. She'd probably be going after his dearest, darlingest Sophie next--he was grateful that Sophie was still back in the Real World, safe from threat that girl posed.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" hollered Pooh_Bah.
Florence grimaced horribly at her, though the girl couldn't appreciate it with her face being ground into the dirt.
A gun cocked and a hand tapped Florence's shoulder, and both the combatants looked up.
"Shut up," Alex snapped at Pooh_Bah. "You're making too much noise!"
Pooh_Bah paused to spit a mouthful of blood out onto the dirt, then scowled at him.
"I really don't want to shoot you, moi vazmee koshka," he cooed. "I'd hate to see you die a virgin."
Florence snickered silently.
Pinocchio punched her shoulder lightly. "Knock it off, would you, Flo? You're not helping things by beating Lisa up."
Florence stuck her tongue out at him in a supremely childish gesture of contempt.
Pinocchio knuckled her arm again. "Get off my daughter!" he demanded.
Florence smirked at him as she rose to her feet and let Pooh_Bah up. {How do you know she's your daughter? You know Inga slept around.} She sashayed off toward a cluster of Pinocchio clones across the camp, well aware of the dirty look the original Pinocchio was giving her.
Pooh_Bah sat up and spat out some more blood.
The mercenary spun around to face his daughter. "Who's writing this?" he demanded.
"Sure as heck isn't me," she replied as she prodded her jaw with her fingers to make sure it wasn't broken. "I wouldn't let myself get beat up like this."
"No?" asked Alex as he siddled up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You aren't even a little bit masochistic?" he inquired as he caught her earlobe between his teeth.
"OW!" she yelped. She batted him away, then raised a hand to her ear to check whether he'd drawn blood. "Bug off, you fag!" she growled, looking at the little smear of red on her fingertips.
Taking that as a 'No,' Alex suggested another plan: "Would you like me to kiss you all better, then?"
Pooh_Bah spun around and yanked his left arm the way that always detatched it. But it didn't detach, because he still had his real one in Harsh Realm. Alex just toppled to the ground. With a devilish grin, he reached up and pulled Pooh_Bah down onto the dirt beside him and rolled over onto her.
She flipped him off, punched his jaw, elbowed him in the ribs, kicked his shin, and clubbed his head soundly with her blackjack. Not satisfied with that, she snatched Pinocchio's gun and emptied a couple magazines into the Russian. People had died over far less in this series, but Alex was on the No-Kill list, so he survived, completely unhurt and barely fazed. Pooh_Bah gave up trying to murder him, and backed away toward the corner of camp occupied by amaresu and Fred.
"Keep away," she cautioned Alex as he got to his feet to follow. "Fred can kill at thirty yards with his piercing gun. . . . "
With a frighteningly dark scowl aimed in Alex's direction, Fred loaded a stud in the piercing gun and cocked it.
(MEANWHILE...)
(ACROSS CAMP)
Florence walked over to the cluster of Pinocchio clones. She identified them as Angelo, Markus, Mayhem, Michael, and Miguel--she had always been good at telling the various Pinocchios apart. It was especially easy this time, because, with Lance and Isaac dead and the easily-identified Fred over with amaresu, those five were the only ones left on the expedition.
Mayhem was toying around with some chemicals he'd stolen from Hunter's portable lab. Markus watched the manic clone suspicously--he lived with Mayhem, and had often been the target of the other clone's malicious doings. Michael, Miguel, and Angelo were swapping reprogramming horror stories and dog recipes.
Florence frowned in concern as Mayhem poured some blue liquid into the yellow contents of his beaker and the resulting green began to bubble ominously. A maniacal grin spread across Mayhem's face.
Markus yelped in alarm. "RUN!! IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!"
The other Pinocchio clones shouted in horror and dove for cover just as Mayhem's chemicals exploded.
When the smoke cleared and the rest of the camp ran over to investigate, they found Markus and Angelo in stable though unconscious states. Florence worked frantically on Miguel while Michael waited his turn with remarkable patience for someone with a piece of beaker glass lodged in his throat. Mayhem sat in the middle of it all, grinning like a madman behind the mask of soot on his face.
"Miguel!!" Ladyhawke cried out in distress, and went to stand nervously over Florence's patient.
"Michael!" Megan gasped, running to her clone's side to comfort him while he awaited treatment.
"Mayhem!" barked Geppetto. "Shame on you! I thought I told you to give those chemicals back to Hunter!" Her evil Pinocchio clone just smiled more broadly, so she gave up on scolding him, letting the experts take over. Pooh_Bah and Alex were quick to step in, speaking to Mayhem in sharp Russian that made his smile fade and his eyes widen in horror at whatever they were threatening.
Florence looked up sadly to Ladyhawke a split second before Miguel gave one last pained gasp and rezzed out. Ladyhawke bawled, sinking to her knees and crying into her hands. Florence had no time to mourn though--she had to go see what she could do for Michael.
It was too late for Megan's clone, too; he digitized just as Florence was reaching out to lay a hand on him.
The Sister stomped a foot in frustration, and turned a glare on Mayhem.
Mayhem shook in terror as she approached him, swinging her rifle from her shoulder to her hands. Pooh_Bah and Alex stopped talking and looked up in surprise that anything could have stolen Mayhem's attention from their dire threats of reprogramming. Florence fired, and Mayhem was gone.
The original Pinocchio stared at Florence in shock. "Florence! You just shot a man in cold blood!" He was actually more disturbed that she'd shoot someone who looked like him in cold blood--he'd seen her shoot other people before. Florence just quirked an eyebrow at him and began walking back toward the center of the camp. Pinocchio followed her, still protesting.
The owners of the dead clones went off to their private corners of the camp to mourn. Angelo and Markus were revived and happily reunited with their owners.
Alex went back to his attempts at seducing Pooh_Bah. Pooh_Bah once again retreated to Fred's and amaresu's area of the camp. Fred cleaned the bite on her ear, assured her that it wouldn't scar, and suggested that she wait to pierce that ear again until the wound healed.
Anthony and Jules sneaked off into the woods, while The Chaos Factor made eyes at Li Ann, who didn't notice because she was too busy discussing a new, top-secret mission with Carla Jane.
Chance Harper and Hunter fell to talking about emergency car repairs with inventive substitutes for proper car parts.
Hobbes was left all alone, to write in his notebook. "My dearest Sophie . . . Five members of our group have died today. Attempts were made on the lives of Florence and the Russian, Krycek. Two clones of my friend Pinocchio were injured in an explosion that killed two other clones. Florence shot a fifth Pinocchio doppleganger for creating the disaster. Pinocchio's daughter Lisa murdered Tamales. The death of Lisa's Pinocchio clone, Isaac, remains a mystery--although three shots were fired, Lisa claims that none of the gunmen did it, but that Florence willed it to happen. . . . All this death, Sophie. Everyone around me is dying. And we haven't even had breakfast yet! Will any of us live long enough to complete the mission? Will any of us make it out of Harsh Realm alive?"
[ END EPISODE 2 ]