~A letter to my love~

I love to feel your muscles clamp down on my fingers

Crushing them to a blessed oblivion

Your body writhing before me is a sight I would dearly love to see again

Now you kiss me in front of others, including your other lover

And you wrap yourself around my heart unbeknownst to you

But I told you this, albeit I told you in poems you read from my little black book

You should realize the gift I gave that day.

No one is allowed to look in the little black book

Much less read what I have written

When you turned to the page on which I had written a revised version of a poem

Written for an earlier love

I nearly tore your hand off getting the book away

I do not want you to see the poems I wrote for those other women I loved before

They no longer matter

Why would you want to see the stuff I wrote so long ago?

What I write now is what matters to us

If I could have my wish, you and I would soar together

Moving away from this hell we call school

We would lose ourselves in each other

Uncaring of the stares as we embrace

We would be as happy as we could, being together

We would be together

A couple

And we wouldn’t have to deal with close-minded fucks anymore

We could be who we are and forget about them

I wouldn’t have to be jealous of your

Boyfriend

S-----

Everyone

I could be content knowing that they could stare and entice all they wanted

You would be going home with me

I can’t write flowery words of praise to your eyelashes. It’s not in me to wax poetic over a single part of you until everyone including me is sick of it. I will however prattle for hours on your laugh, your smile, your sound effects and noises, your hand gestures, your moans, your reactions, your looks when I say something slightly sick ;) I could talk on these things until I made me sick, which would be never. I cannot say that I can just forget about being able to help you orgasm that night. I will most likely never forget it. Your face and cries were unforgettable. In addition to the feel of your…I can’t just forget an experience like that, even if I wasn’t already in love with you. I am now also coming to a realization. Your attention to me has been friendly, and rarely more than friendly. I will love you for a long time, if not forever, and will always hold dear to my heart the knowledge that I was able to make you come. I am rather proud of this fact, not that I’ve been telling everyone I come across. Your reputation at Columbine will be helped IMMENSELY. You will now have bi and lez curious chicks (in addition to those who have no doubt they already are) coming to you to introduce them to the art of Sapphic love and to just get laid. I can only say, if you need a rest, come visit me, wherever I will be next year. If it’s San Francisco, I’ll just take you to Castro Street and we’ll see what happens ;). I would love it if our relationship developed into an “Occasional lovers, always friends” kind of relationship. That would be in an ideal world. As it is here, I say we stay in touch, however we may, and let whatever wants to come out, come out, even if it’s us out of the closet.

I don’t think you will ever read this, but I hope you know that it was extremely necessary to write these thoughts and feelings down, else I would explode, and not in a good way.