Most of the places,
where Allah demands to worship him, he orders us to be good to our parents as
well. Allah has mentioned his right as well of those our parents, either
similarly or in a different way, at such places in the Qur’an, for example
4:36, 6:151, etc.
The Prophet(S) has also told the
believers about the high status of their parents. He said, “The best deed is to
offer salat at its time. The next is the kind treatment to parents. The next is
Jihad in the cause of Allah” (Abdullah bin Mas’ud R, Agreed Upon). We clearly
learn from this hadith that, first of all, we have to fulfill the rights of
Allah SWT i.e. He should be worshipped and obeyed. Then we should fulfill the
rights of our parents. Here, Jihad, which comes after the rights of parents, is
the voluntary one. However, if Jihad has been declared obligatory, then it
supersedes the rights of parents, and has preference over it. The preference of
rights of parents to voluntary Jihad is obviously clear from a hadith. Once a
man came to the Prophet (S) and sought his permission for Jihad. The Prophet (S)
asked him whether his parents were alive. The man replied in affirmative. The
Prophet (S) then said, “Go, and wage Jihad with them” (Abdullah bin Amar bin
Al-A ‘as R, Muslim). This means that, when a man obeys his parents, serves them
good, and shows patience at their anger and attitude, he is waging a Jihad.
Similarly, there is another hadith that prefers service to parents to Jihad. Mu’awiyyah’s
father once went to the Prophet (S) and sought his advice. He said, “O
Messenger of Allah! I would like to go to Jihad. I need your advice.” The
Prophet (S) asked him if his mother was alive. He said yes. The Prophet (S)
then advised him to serve his mother, as the
Once a man came to the Prophet (S)
and asked, “Who deserves most of my good company?” The Prophet (S) told him
‘his mother’. The man asked the same question three times, and each time he got
the same reply- ‘his mother’. When he asked the same question a fourth time,
the Prophet (S) replied ‘his father’. And in reply to the fifth time query, the
Prophet (S) told him his near relatives, step by step (Abu Hurairah R, Agreed
Upon). Here good company means kind treatment, service, behavior, spending
money, and assistance, etc. As far as obedience is concerned, it is our father
who should be obeyed. Obeying father is an obligatory duty. A hadith tells us
the correct status of father. The Prophet (S) has said, “Allah’s pleasure is in
father’s pleasure. Allah is angry if father is angry” (Abdullah bin Amar bin
Al-A ‘as R, Tirmizi).
In fact our parents are our keys
to the
Ill treatment of parents is a
major sin. Abu Bakrah Nofei bin Al-Haris R has narrated that once the Prophet (S),
while in a reclining position, said, “Shall I not tell you majors of major
sins?” He asked this question thrice. The companions responded to this in
positive.
He
said, “These are: joining partners with Allah, and usurping rights of parents.”
He then sat straight and said, “And the false witness.” He repeated this so
many times that the companions wished him to stop (Agreed Upon). In another
hadith the Prophet (S) is reported to have said, “Major sins are to associate
someone with Allah, to usurp rights of parents, to kill unlawfully, and to
knowingly swear a lie” (Abdullah bin Amar bin Al-A ‘as R, Bukhari).
Based on the teachings of the Qur’an and
Sunnah, such as mentioned above, Maulana Maududi R has written in his
commentary of the Qur’an that ethics of a society should never allow children
to absolve themselves of their responsibilities towards their parents. On the other hand, it should demand respect
and good deeds from them to their parents. This should not be just a normal
recommendation. The rights and the authority bestowed upon parents on their
children by the Qur’an and the Sunnah are based on these principles. Thus an
Islamic state will strengthen bond of family as an institution, rather than
weaken it.
Now that we have studied the
status of parents in the society, let us then study some of kind deeds, which
Allah SWT has briefly ordered us to show to our parents. If one or both of our
parents live with us in their old age, we should not even say Oh! (An
expression of grumble or anger) to them. Oh is an expression of repulsion of
heart. Oh signifies disgust and hate. Even a deep breath to express dislike is
included in the meaning of Oh. All these explanations imply that a person
should never show his dislike or disgust of any action or word of his parents. Scholars
agree that this does not mean that they deserve our good deeds in old age only.
In fact we must provide our good services to them at every stage of their
lives. Allah SWT further says that parents should never be rebuked. A person
should show complete respect and good behavior to his parents all the times.
Thus to express any dislike or disgust of their action or deed is a major sin.
Similarly to cause any emotional or physical trouble or injury to them is also
a major sin. All such disliked actions and words on our part invite Allah’s
wrath and punishment. A hadith warns us of this danger. Once, the Prophet (S)
started stepping up on a pulpit. At each step, he loudly said Amen! His
companions asked him reason of saying Amen loudly at each step of the pulpit.
He explained, “At one step of the pulpit the Arch-Angel Gabriel came to me, and
said, ‘May his nose be in the dust who found one or both of his parents in old
age and did not get a place in the heaven! He then asked me to say Amen, and I
said Amen!” (Abu Hurairah R, Muslim). This hadith is a bit longer. We have just
quoted the part, which is relevant to our topic. In another hadith, believers
have been told that to abuse or attack on honor of parents is one of major
sins. Once, the Prophet (S) said, “It is one of the major sins to abuse one’s
own parents.” Someone asked him, “O Messenger of Allah! Does someone abuse his
own parents?” He replied, “Yes. When a man abuses parents of someone else who
then abuses his parents in revenge” (Abdullah bin Amar bin Al-A ‘as R, Agreed
Upon). This means that parents of other people should also be respected and
honored.
Up to what degree or level should
a man show respect and honor to his parents? This can easily be understood by an
example. Once a man came to the Prophet SAW, and said to him, “O Messenger of
Allah! I had carried my mother on my back from
I
did carry her on my back during her tawaf (circumambulating) of Ka’bah, Sa’ee
(walking between two hills, the Safa and the Marwah), Arafat, Muzdalifah, and
Mina to perform her complete Hajj. Have I not fulfilled her rights and my
duties to her?” The Prophet SAW replied, “No! Not even equal to a particle of
dust” (Bazar, Mishkwat).
Allah SWT tells the believers some
more good deeds, which we should do to serve our parents. He orders that a
believer should always be soft and humble to his parents. We should feel
anxiety and restlessness at their pains and troubles the way they used to feel
at our pains and problems. We should never be hesitant in doing petty and
humiliating jobs for them as they never hesitated in doing such jobs for our
pleasure, comfort and training. They always used to tolerate and forgive our
mistakes and disobedience to them. They always showed their love and affection
to us. Similarly, not only we should bear their weaknesses, but pray to Allah
to forgive them as well. Allah SWT has taught us a prayer for them. He knows
which prayer is the best for whom. He advises us to offer the following prayer
for our parents:
“Rabbir
hum huma
(My Lord! Bestow upon them Thy Mercy as they
cherished me in childhood) (17: 24).
We
believers should always offer this prayer irrespective of the fact that our parents
are alive or dead. Even after their deaths, they have their rights over us. A
man, of Abu Salmah tribe, once asked the Prophet (S) if he could do kind deeds
to his parents even after their deaths The Prophet (S) said, “Yes. Pray to
Allah to forgive them. Fulfill their promises and wills. Be kind to their
relatives. And respect their friends” (Abu Usaiyyid Malik bin Rabe’a R, Abu
Dawood).
Abdullah bin Dinar R has narrated that once he
was going to Makkah with Abdullah bin Umar R. In the way, Abdullah bin Umar R
saw a man whom he had seen with his father. He called the man to him; put his
own turban over the head of the man; and made him sit with him on the back of
his mule. His companions warned him of heat and trouble he might face because
of his action. He replied that he had heard the Prophet (S) saying, “The best
one out of kind deeds is to treat friends of your father with love” (Muslim).
This hadith shows that the status of our parents is so high that even their
relatives and friends deserve kind treatments.
Once, the Prophet (S) was
distributing meat at Ju’ranah (a place near Makkah), when an old woman
approached him. Seeing her, the Prophet (S) spread out his shawl on the ground,
and made her sit over it. The narrator of the story was later told that she was
the foster mother of the Prophet (S). In another hadith, Asma’ bint Abi Bakr R
has narrated that once, her non-believing mother went to Madinah and wanted her
daughter to treat her kindly. She asked the Prophet (S) how to treat her
polytheist mother. He advised her to treat her kindly (Agreed Upon). This is
exactly what the Qur’an teaches us:
But behave with them in the
world kindly (31:
15).
An
important point to note is that a believer should never obey his parents in
defiance of Allah SWT. If his parents ask him to act against the command of
Allah, he should disobey them (31: 15).
(Extracted
from author’s book “Moral and Social Life in Islam”, Islamic Publications,