Rights and Education of Children

Dr. Syed Hasanuddin Ahmad

Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Rahim

يا بُنيّ اقم الصلوة وامر بالمعروف وانه عن المنكر والصبر على ما اصابك

Today’s children are tomorrow’s nation. Every nation and every country plans for the best upbringing and development of its new and young generation. It provides all possible facilities for its health, growth, and education. It continuously plans, and tries to develop the health and education standard of its children. The new generation is educated in the light of the mission and the objectives of the nation. The process of inducing the zeal and determination for advancement of the cause of life is continuously upgraded and strengthened.

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The Selection of Parents:

In general a person has some rights only while he is alive. However, the rights of parents and of children are exceptions. The parents continue to have their rights even after their deaths over their children.. The matter of the rights of children is even stranger than that of the parents. The rights of children are to be fulfilled even before their parents get married. The first and foremost right of children is to provide them a family of love, sacrifice, and obedience to God. In other words, children have a right to have the righteous parents i.e. a good practicing father, and a good practicing mother. Regarding the selection of a wife i.e. a mother of one’s children, the Prophet SAW has advised the believers to choose a righteous woman (Abu Hurairah RA, Agreed Upon). Similarly in another hadith, The Prophet SAW has advised the guardians of girls to marry them as soon as the righteous peoples propose to marry them (Abu Hurairah RA, Tirmizi). These two ahadith clearly advise that both, the father and the mother, should be righteous; so that they can create and provide a righteous atmosphere of upbringing to their children. In such an atmosphere, the children will automatically grow up as the righteous persons.

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A story, of the period of the second Caliph, Umar RA, is narrated about the rights of a son and his father. Once, a man complained to Umar RA that his son does not fulfill the rights of his father. Umar RA sent for the son. Upon the arrival of the son, the Caliph reminded him of the rights of his father. The son then addressed the Caliph as, “O Leader of the Faithful! You have rightly reminded me of the rights of my father. But, please, tell us if a son has some rights over his father.” The Caliph replied, “Yes, of-course! The first right of a child over his father is that he should be given a good mother. The second right of a child is that he should be given a good name. And the third right of a child is that he should be given good education.” The son then told the Caliph, “O Leader of the Faithful! My father has not given to me any one of these rights. My father did not choose a righteous believer as my mother. My mother was a non-believer (non-Muslimah). He did not give me a good name either. My name is Jua’la (Black Spider). My father did not fulfill my third right of good education as well. I am an illiterate man. I can not read or write.” Umar RA, then, reprimanded the man over not fulfilling the rights of his son [T].

In fact the main reason of evil and bad acts in our present day society is that the parents are not fulfilling the rights of their children properly. In result, when the children grow up, they do not behave as good citizens. Our present day society is now deprived of love, compassion, and sense of responsibility. It is a society of usurping or neglecting the rights of others, wrong doings, and evil acts in the game of competing to raise the economic standards higher and higher.

The Rights during the Childhood:

Besides being given the good and righteous parents, it is a right of yet to be born child that her mother should have good and healthy food, exercise, and atmosphere. The first right of a child, after her birth, is that she should hear the words, which magnify her Creator i.e. she should be called to turn to Allah. The Prophet SAW has advised the believers, “Call Adhan (call of salat) in the right ear of a new born; and then say iqamah (establishment of salat) in his left ear” (Abu Rafa’y RA, Tirmizi). Besides Tehnik, a child has a right of a’qeeqah on the seventh day after the birth. A’qeeqah is an offering to Allah SWT to invoke His blessings for the health and safety of a child. The Prophet SAW has said, “Every child is mortgaged to a’qeeqah” (Anas Bin Malik RA, T).

كل غلام رهينة بالعقيقه

Another right is to give a good name to the new born before or after the a’qeeqah.

إنكم تدعون يوم القيامة بأسمآءكم و أسمآءآبآءكم فاحسنوا اسمأؤكم

“On the Day of Resurrection, all of you will be called by your and your father’s names. So give good names to yourselves” (Abu Darda’ RA, Abu Dawood).

After the birth, a child has a right of food and dress over his parents. It is a right of a newborn that his mother must suckle her baby for two complete years. Allah SWT says:

والوالدات يرضعن أولادهن حولين كاملين

The mother shall suckle their children for two whole years (Al-Baqarah 2: 233).

In case a mother is unable to suckle her baby, it is still a right of the newborn upon his father that he should hire a foster mother to suckle him. The milk of a nursing woman, when a baby drinks it as his food, develops a foster relationship between the suckling baby and the family of the nursing mother. This system of feeding babies by foster mothers is not only allowed but encouraged in Islam as well. Unfortunately, this system of foster mother has almost become obsolete. The parents are now resorting to feed their babies with artificially generated powdered milk. This method deprives babies of natural milk, and lowers her IQ.

When a baby grows a little bit, it starts walking and then running. It starts copying the actions of its parents. This age is very critical for the baby and her parents. In general, the parents either do not themselves fully practice religious norms and duties in their lives, or keep their kids away from the religious activities or duties. Both of these attitudes not only do not help, but are harmful too, in the development of the religious norms and ethics in the behavior of their children. The children, especially during this age, should be associated with the religious norms and activities to familiarize them with such rites and duties. This is the basic and the foremost teaching which a child must get. This is exactly what the Prophet SAW has emphasized in his hadith. He said, “Every child is born at nature (Islam). But these are her parents who make her a Christian or a Jew” (Abu Huraira RA, Bukhari). All these should be done with show of love and compassion to them. There are quite a good number of examples that the Prophet SAW used to bring his grand sons into his mosque. They used to ride over his back during his salat. Also, while delivering speeches in the mosque, he used to pick them up, etc. (Nasai, Tirmizi). This teaches the believers that they should take their children to mosques for the salats. Up to the age of six and seven years, the children learn a lot, and acquire the knowledge and the norms given to them by their parents. The effects of these knowledge and norms last forever. Because of the fear of noise and disturbance, the people generally avoid taking their children to mosques and other religious activities. This in turn creates a negative attitude in them towards the religious requirements. They are exposed to non-religious activities only. They are thus deprived of the balance between the required and the voluntary norms.

We should show love and affection to our children. To show this love, we should kiss them, talk affectionately with them, and shake their hands. In a similar hadith, The Prophet SAW has said,

من لا يرحم لا يرحم

“One who does not show mercy does not get mercy” (Abu Hurairah RA, Agreed Upon). In another hadith, the Prophet SAW has said,

The Prophet SAW used to greet peace (salam) to young people, whenever he used to pass by them (Anas RA, Agreed Upon).

The parents should always treat their children with justice. In general, the parents love their sons more than their daughters, where as both are Allah’s gifts. Both have equal rights. The Prophet SAW is reported to have said, “The person, who did not bury his daughters alive, neither degraded them, nor preferred sons to them, will be rewarded with Paradise by Allah SWT” (Abdullah Ibn Abbas RA, Abu Dawood). Similarly, the parents should not prefer a particular child among their children. It is against justice. Nau’man bin Bashir RA has narrated that his father took one of his sons to the Prophet SAW, and requested him to be a witness that he had gifted a slave to that son. The Prophet SAW inquired if he had other children as well. His father said yes to it. The Prophet SAW then said, “Go away! I can not be a witness of wrongdoing (injustice)” (Agreed Upon).

The Training and the Education:

A baby starts getting training from her childhood. The love, compassion, religious environment, justice, timings, and other such factors all start contributing to her training. As soon as a baby starts showing consciousness, the parents must start imparting purposeful education and training to her in order to help her lead a useful life not only in this world, but in the Hereafter as well.

The Prophet SAW has instructed the believers, “Educate your children, and refine their manners” (T, Ibn Maja). In another hadith, the Prophet SAW is quoted to have said, “The best gift, a father can give to his children, is to teach them good manners” (Sa’eed Bin Al-A’as RA, T). These manners should be about every action and talk, such as how to talk, walk, eat, drink, play, worship, sleep, take bath, and respect others, etc.

Here we will give some examples:

In a hadith, A’mar Bin Abu Salmah RA has narrated that once he was eating with the Prophet SAW from the same plate. He was picking his portion of food from all the sides of the plate. The Prophet SAW advised him to pick his portion of food from his side only, to eat with his right hand, and start eating with the name of Allah SWT (Agreed Upon).

In another story, Sahl Bin Sa’d RA has narrated that once there were old and young both in the presence of the Prophet SAW. There was a young man sitting on his right hand. The Prophet SAW wanted to serve a drink to the elders first. But the young man sitting on his right insisted that he should be served first. The Prophet SAW started the service with him first.

The first instruction, which Luqman gave to his son, was of the Oneness of God i.e. tauhid. He taught his son not to associate others with Allah. He forbade him to commit polytheism i.e. shirk. Thus, association with God is a wrong practice, and we must save our children from it.

The believers must teach their children all that knowledge which is useful for establishment of Deen of Allah. The Prophet SAW has advised, “Learn shooting, and riding, the skill of shooting is more desirable to me than the riding” (T, Nasai). Here the Prophet SAW has encouraged his followers to learn the art and science of armaments and tools of defense. Similarly, Umar RA had also advised the believers to teach useful knowledge to their children. He said, “Teach shooting and swimming to your children. And teach them how to ride firmly” [T]. During those days, the knowledge of all these i.e. the shooting, riding, and swimming was necessary to defend a Muslim country. Today our children must learn how to build and use the planes, ships, rockets, missiles, tanks and bombs, etc. This is the age of Nuclear Science. The children must be given the education of modern science and technology to enable them to defend the borders of their country.

Luqman then advises his son to establish the salat. In an Islamic society, the establishment of salat is a very important matter. Allah SWT has ordered:

وامر اهلك بالصلوة والصطبر عليها

“And enjoin salat on the members of your family, and you yourself also observe it strictly.” (Ta-Ha 20: 132).

The believers should start teaching salat to their children at the age of seven years. At the age of ten years, they should be given separate beds to sleep, as they are now grown up at this age. They should not be allowed to sleep with their parents any more (Amar Bin Shua’ib RA, Abu Dawood).

The second teaching in the verse under study is of enjoining right and forbidding wrong. All those deeds and words are right which have been taught by Allah SWT, and His Prophet SAW. Also all those deeds and acts, which a society deems so, are right which do not come into conflict with the commands of Allah SWT and His Prophet SAW. All those deeds and acts are wrong which have been prohibited by Allah SWT and His Prophet SAW.. However, when a person embarks upon enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong, he faces stiff resistance and opposition from the evil-mongers. These evil-mongers not only oppose orally, but use force against the righteous as well. They even do not hesitate in inflicting severe injuries and heavy losses upon them. What should be the attitudes of such righteous people? Luqman advises his son to have patience and bear the consequences.

The three deeds-establishing salat, enjoining right, and forbidding wrong- are essentials for a society. All these three deeds need firm determination. A person can never persistently act upon a difficult and troublesome job until and unless he has firm determination. Moreover, in order to save himself from the Hell-Fire, a person has to do these difficult deeds. The Prophet SAW has said, “Order your children to enjoin right, and forbid wrong, as these will prevent them from the Fire” [T]. These teachings should be analytically and not dogmatic. Dogmatic teachings lead to rebellion.

The following examples show us how it should be done. A famous story of a girl of the times of the Caliph Umar RA explains the type of training our children should get. The Caliph Umar RA had issued an order prohibiting mixing of water with milk for business purposes. Once, a milkmaid ordered her daughter to mix water with milk before customers start coming to buy the milk. The daughter reminded her mother that the Leader of the Faithful had forbidden mixing of water with milk. The mother got annoyed, and rebuked her daughter saying that the Leader of the Faithful was not watching her. The daughter then replied, “But the Lord of the Leader of the Faithful is watching us” [T].

Once a girl came to the Prophet SAW and complained against her father that he had married her to a man against her wish. After hearing the case fully, the Prophet SAW decreed that her father had no right to marry her against her wish. He then allowed her to cancel the marriage. The daughter then stood up, and told the people that she wanted to show that the right of choosing a husband rests with girl (T, Nasai, and Ibn Maja).

وأخر دعوانا ان الحمد لله رب العالمين