Our story begins one summer day where Kyle has camped out at a TicketBastard booth, waiting to get tix for a concert.  Because his wait was so long, he’s fallen asleep.  The hat he was wearing has fallen off. As he wakes up and gets ready to stand in line, a child walks past and looks at him.  Her mother says, "Dear, don’t stare at the less fortunate."

Kyle looks around. "I wonder who they were talking about...."

Just then, the little girl runs back, and throws some change into his hat. He hears the clinkity sound of change...he gets up, and picks up his hat, and sees that while he was sleeping people have thrown change and dollar bills
into his hat.  Suddenly Kyle thinks, "Maybe I should shower and shave.  Hmm...naw."

Meanwhile. . .

Somehow something has happened to Rob...and all he can say, is song lyrics! Not just any song lyrics...only song lyrics to the songs he’s written! Oh how horrible! ;)

Rob needs to get over to Kyle's place. All the little Matchstickers are meeting there so that they can all go to the concert in one car.  Rob leaves his home, and discovers that his car is gone!  He then remembers that it’s in the shop today for a tune up. Damn huh?  "This old world well don’t it make you wanna think damn?  This empty space well I know it wanna make you scream DAMN!"

He then gets a brilliant idea!! He may not have a car...but he CAN hail a cab!! So, he goes down to the street, and waves for a cab.  A cab pulls up, and the first words out of Rob’s mouth are:

Rob: "Can you help me I’m bent?"

The cabby gives Rob a really funny look. 

R: "Reach she said for no one else but you, when cuz you wont turn away, when someone else is gone."  He says. 
At this point, the cabby thinks Rob is off his rocker...so he speeds away...

R: "I guess its over now, there’s not getting back to good..."

Rob decided that he’s not going to go around spouting random lyrics anymore...and settles for, "Can you help me I’m bent?" Bent being the popular song that it is, everyone should know the meaning...and there’s BOUND to be someone out there who can help him! 

So he goes down the street, asking all those he comes to, "Can you help me I’m bent?" and of course most people ignore him, some run away screaming, some threaten to call the police and of course, some threaten to sue him for sexual harassment. Discouraged but not ready to give up yet, he pushes on... he decides, one more block, then he’s going to find a phone and attempt to call one of the Matchsticks.

When he gets to the last corner, he finds a group of girls there, strutting their stuff on the street.  One girl comes up to him and says, "Hello hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?"

And he says to her,  "Can you help me I’m bent?"

"That sounds like a personal problem," she tells him.  "But I’ll see what I can do."   So she brings him back to her place.  All the way there, Rob’s spouting random lyrics, to try to tell her that he needs to be somewhere else... but she just doesn’t get it.  He finally decides that she must not be a big fan of Matchbox Twenty...

She leads him to the bed, and sits him down.  "No I would not sleep in this bed of lies, so toss me out and turn in.,” Rob cries. 

She looks at him puzzled.  "Um ...yeah...hey, uh, do you want something to drink?" 

Rob just shakes his head no. "I believe, I’m just plain tired." which he really isn’t, he’s just tired of no one knowing what he’s trying to say! Poor Rob.  The lady he’s with thinks he’s totally insane. Poor poor Rob.

Meanwhile . . .

Paul and Adam decided to take a trip down to the candy shop. Paul has a bit of a sweet tooth, and Adam... he just wants Kinder Eggs.  Poor Paul has left his wallet at home...but he’s got a pocket full of change!  (Too bad he didn’t have any hope in his pocket. But its Kyle's job to carry the hope.)  So Paul is here, trying to buy some candy from the nice sales lady behind the counter when he discovers that he has a hole in his pocket and most of his money has fallen out! Oh no!  Luckily, there’s a nice old lady in he store, who offers to buy some candy for the nice little boy.

Old Lady: "do you need some help there little boy?  I’ll buy the candy for you." 

So she hands the sales lady some money.  Paul takes the candy, and says, "Thank you." and is about to walk away when she puts a hand on his shoulder and says,

OL: "Where are your parents young man?"

Paul: "What are you talking about?"

"I think that maybe you should come home with me so we can give your parents a call."  With that she grabs Paul by the wrist, and leads him down the street a couple of blocks to her house so that she can call parents, "...and if not parents, police. Because, if he’s not going to let us call his parents, he MUST be a run away child!" she thinks.

Meanwhile . . .

Back at the candy store, Adam has gotten together all the Kinder Eggs.  He’s holding them all in his arms. With a wild look on his face he rushes up to the counter and asks the girl, "Have you got any more in the back?!  This wont be enough...are there anymore candy stores around here?!" 

Katie: "Um...just a second, let me look in back," she says as she gives Adam a funny look.

She slowly walks to the back room, and uses the phone in there to call the police. "Hello? Hi, it’s Katie at the Kody's Kinder Kandy. Yes, I have a man here and he’s causing me some troubles. Could you please come by and have him removed? Thanks!" 

She comes out from the room to find our dear Adam pacing back and forth, thinking of where he could possibly get Kinder Eggs.  "Hmm.... Kit Kat Kisses? No... They’re more of a Hershey's Kisses type place...umm...I could try Mickey's Land of Everything Chocolate.... but I was just there 2 days ago, and I don’t think they've gotten a new shipment in yet.... hmm.... I’ve been banned from Megan’s Chocolate Egg Factory, so that’s a no..."

Katie comes back with a very scared look on her face, but some how manages to keep her cool.  She had to find a way to stall him! "There aren’t anymore in the back, but we are going to be getting another shipment in today...the truck should be here in about 5 minutes or so."

She sees the police car drive up, and tries to take his attention away from the door.

Ka: "Are you sure you got all of them off the shelf?"

A: "Yeah, I’m pretty sure anyw--"

Just then, the police grabbed him and said, "Sir, you're going to need to come with us now."

A: "What’s this all about?"

Officer Sarah: "We'll get to that later...just, get in the car."

Meanwhile. . .

Our dear Pookie is at the pet store, looking for a pet of some sort. After all, if Paul can have a dog, why cant pookie?   So he’s sitting down playing with some saluki puppies and their mom, and some nice old lady says,
"Oooh! What a precious little puppy! And look at those sad eyes! awww. I’ve just got to have that one!"  She was talking about Pookie!

Extremely hurt by some old lady thinking he was a dog, he runs off.  Coincidentally, he runs into Paul and that nice old lady!

P: "POOKIE!"

OL: "Oh! Is that your dog? Oh what an adorable little thing. And he’s got the cutest name too!"

Pookie just rolls his eyes.

OL: "We'll just have to bring him back to the house with us to."

And with that, they all trekked the last half a block to the nice old lady's house.

OL: "Now you just sit here while I get you some milk and cookies.  We’ll call you're parents in a minute."

As soon as she was out of the room, Pookie picked up the phone and dialed Kyle's cell number.

Kyle: "Hello? Hellooo?"

Brian: " . . . "

Poor Pookie being to scared to talk, didn’t say anything! As a result, Kyle just hung up.  Paul just rolls his eyes and calls him back.

P: "Kyle! It’s Paul! You gotta come pick up me and Pookie!"

K: "Where the hell are you?"

P: "We're at some lady's house. Dude you gotta come ge--"

OL: "Hello? Who is this? Are you this little boy’s parent?  You should be ashamed of yourself, letting this poor boy and his dog wander the streets all by themselves!"

K: "Can I pick them up yet?"

OL: "Well, I suppose so."

So Kyle drives over to the old ladies house, sits in front, and honks the horn. In seconds Paul and Pookie run out of the house and into the car. Kyle speeds away.

OL: "WAIT! Didn’t you want any more milk and cookies?!"

Meanwhile back at the police station . . .

A: "Don’t I get a one phone call?"

OS: "Umm.....no. We’ve used your one phone call already to uh.... call uh...Mattel."

A: "You're violating my rights I hope you know!! You don’t know who you're dealing with! I’m the Gnope!! I’m the Gnope!! Just you wait! My little Gnomes are going to break me out of here!!"

OS: "Gnomes? What are you talking about?"

A: "Oh you know, the little plastic figures that come in Kinder Eggs!"

OS: "Oooooh! Those Gnomes!! Ok! I’ll be right back, just let me make one phone call!"

So then the officer walks out of the interrogation room, and makes her phone call.

OS: "Yeah, operator, can you put me through to MadShrubbery's House of Insane Greenery? Thanks. ... Rebecca darling! I got another one for you! This one claims to be a Gnope? Yeah, anyways. I’ll send him right over!"

Officer Sarah comes back into the room.

OS: "Ok Mr. Gnope? Was it? Yeah, we got a call a little bit ago.... seems someone’s been looking for you, and they can vouch for you. So, you're getting out of this place."

A: "YEAH HOO!"

OS: "Calm down...ok, here we go."

And then Adam takes a nice ride up to the Looney bin to become part of the insane greenery.

Meanwhile. . .

Nice lady person that picked up Rob: "So what’s your name anyways?"

R: "You don’t know me now, I kinda thought that you should somehow."

NLPTPUR: "Um.... ok, well listen, my name is Shelley. It’s nice to meet you."

R: "Hey."

S: Why don’t I get you a little something to drink?

Shelley goes into the kitchen, and pretends to fix Rob a tall glass of cold water. But when he isn’t looking, she hits him over the head with a vase that just happened to be sitting right there. And then she goes through his wallet.

S: "Rob eh? Well Rob...looks like you're going to go for a little ride..."

She gets out the phone book.... looks up a number, and dials.

S: "Rebecca? It’s Shelley.  I have a ::cough:: "friend" that would LOVE to pay you a visit. I’ll bring him right over." 
Yep, you guessed it.  She picked up Rob, threw him into her car, and drove to MadShrubbery's House of Insane Greenery!   Shelley took him inside, and brought him back to his cell, and his new cellmate.... a dear old friend of ours.  She plops him on a bed, and rushes out of the room.  Rob starts to wake up.

A: "ROB!! Rob how did you get in here?!"

R: "I’m bleedin' and broken."

A: "Uh huh.... Rob, we need to get out of here."

R: "I thought about leaving but I couldn’t even get out of bed. I’m hanging cuz I couldn’t get a ride out of town."

A: ::gives rob a funny look::  "Well...I guess its up to me and my gnomes then!"

Meanwhile. . .

P: "Kyle! hey Kyle! Why don’t you ask these people up here! The ones on the corner!"

K: "Hey! Don’t I know her? I mean...yeah, maybe they've seen him..." . . . "Excuse me ladies, hey Shelley.... have you seen this guy anywhere’s around here?"

Kyle holds up a picture of Rob.

S: "Yeah, I know him. I picked him up a few minutes ago . . .uh oh..."

K: "Well, where he now?"

S: "I brought him over to MadShrub’s cuz he wasn’t making any sense with what he was saying, so I thought he needed a little vacation."

Kyle speeds away.   Then he speeds back and says, "THANK YOU!" then speeds away again.

K: "Paul, Pookie, you stay in the car while I go and get Rob."

Kyle walks inside.

K: "Hi. I’m looking for Rob Thomas...he was brought in just a few minutes ago."

Rebecca: "Is he expecting you?"

K: "...yes..."

R: "Right this way then."

She shows him to their room.

R: "He’s in this room, but I’d be careful of that other guy in there...he’s a real fruitcake."

K: "Thanks for the advance warning."

A: "KYLE!"

R: "YEAH YEAH YEAH!!"

K: "ROB! ADAM!

Group Hug.

R: "There’s a little bit of something me, in everything in, you."

K: "I have Pookie and Paul in the car...wait here while I go and talk to the lady at the front to get you guys out of here."

Kyle walks out, (there was a jam in the door) and before the door can close, Adam catches it, and they sneak out quietly behind Kyle. Just as Kyle is about to start begging her to let them go, Adam comes up from behind and hits Rebecca over the head with a Kinder Egg!

A: “See! I *told* you my gnomes were going to save me!” ::beams::

K: " Everyone out to the car!! now!!"

They all rush out to the car, and speed away.

While sitting at a stoplight, some girl named "LuckyDonut" snaps a photo, cuz she’s one of the only people in the whole story who actually knows who these guys are, and thinks that this is an EXCELLENT photo opportunity!  It now appears on the GD ID Pass for those of you who were wondering.... anyways, so then they head off to the concert!  Realizing that in his sleepy haze that he never got tickets, Kyle smacks himself in the head. And when they got up to the ticket takers, Paul and Kyle were about to plead their case, cuz all Adam would have done is threaten about his gnomes and what not…. and Pookie just isn’t a man of many words…before anyone could utter a sound, Rob pushed his way in front of Paul and Kylie, and says to her,

R:  “Hey now now now hey now hey baby, the tide is turning, don't turn me away!” 

She was so moved by his words, his voice, and his Beep Beep, that she let them all in.  A good time was had by all!

The End. = ) Of that one anyways! lol! There’s plenty more craziness where that one came from.
All stories are written by Smashley, and are the sole property of her and this site.  If she finds out you've stolen it, she's gonna so kick your ass.  Plus, Grandma will be so disappointed in you.
Episode 1:  Matchbox Beggars
Whee!  Take me back to the index now, Jeeves!
©2001 by Rebecca J. Burke & Hashbrown Casserole for the Matchbox Twenty Soul, Inc.