QUOTES.

God is real, unless declared integer .

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. 

Home is where the television is. 

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. 

Death is hereditary. 

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them. 

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. 

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. 

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. 

Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair. 

Well done is better than well said. 

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking. 

They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance. 

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. 

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. 

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train. 

Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives. 

I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it. 

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. 

LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge 

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that 
go wrong that one can't blame on the government. 

The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed 
to tell you why it isn't. 

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side. 

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. 

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers 
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.