Something to Share

I’m ill. There must be something wrong with my mind. I take a breath and hold on tight, I’m breathing his face… I’m hanging on every move he makes. I store up his shape, and make sure that I can take it out whenever or wherever I need it. I look up the mirror, I don’t see myself, I see him! How am I supposed to stop fantasizing about it? I just can’t help it!

Am I diving into somewhere I have been not so long ago? It’s just a deja-vu. Somebody help! I’m lost. I’m falling, and I can’t feel the gravity at all. Haven’t been so into it for 2 years, I’ve fallen into another trap so fast, so hard and so deep this time. Sometimes, usually when I’m alone at night, I’ll probably be flying and floating in my little piece of space again. That’s too much, I can’t go on.

Do you know how it feels like to try to guess what a person thinks? It’s like you’re starving for the truth and it seems so hard to get close to it. He drops by and sends a magical impact down my spine. I try to stand still but the air is moving, as there are butterflies in my stomach. Spinning is my head, I’m chasing after the wind without sensing the direction. I take his invitation, but he takes all of me.

Didar… didar… A whiff of gentleness enters my chamber secretly. How soft and tender it is that I never want to find the way back to sanity. I just want to stay where I am right now. A place where there are neither sounds nor words. A place where there are only crimson roses and blue stars.

I’m ill… I’m ill…