Something to Share

There has been a popular question around me lately: Hannah, do you have a boyfriend? No? Why!? Every time I hear this question, I get puzzled. Why not?! Seems like they never believe that not having a boyfriend does not really matter to me.

Certainly, I have had a few crushes before. However, that does not really mean that I have to approach every one I like and have them be my boyfriends. To me, boyfriend is your best opposite sex friend. Unlike others, I will take this issue seriously. I just need a best friend who can really share the time with me when I feel lonely.

I have my own idea on relationships: Dating is a game. Boyfriends are Chanel to girls, while girlfriends are Porsche to guys. Quite some people courted me before, but I refused them all. They might be too ugly or too cute for me. Guys who keep telling me how pretty or sexy I am usually turn me off. Why? If he finds a better one, he might probably dump me right away. Due to the fear of being a loser, I rarely want or hope to get involved in a relationship. No time is always just an excuse.

There was this guy who was 5 years older than me. He was very cute, nice, bright, hard-working, rich, and most importantly, kind (he was a Christian). I liked him so much, but… he did not have the same way I do. This story is really a combination of bitter and sour. I took it seriously. Because of him, I started to analyze how and what a guy thinks. I finally figured it out: All guys want pretty and sexy girls! But I have always been so ugly to him. Darn it! This was such a big frustrating conclusion. But I had to accept it. So, I decided to have a complete make-over during this summer. Honestly, I did this all for him.

I went on a hellish diet (my weight dropped from 100 pounds to 95 during May, and I lost 3 pounds again last month); next I dyed and fixed my hair, then changed the styles of my outfits. Wow! The results were too surprising. "Pretty", "sexy", and "different" are the 3 terms people usually describe me now. Hehe :) I am so flattered and happy, but I begin to get stresses. Ai… of course la… I will have another hard time to maintain this condition. Once my physical quality drops, I then will not be able to catch his attention.

Since I am so insecure and I have too little confidence on myself, I do not have any boyfriends yet so far. I am still waiting for the prince-charming. In the meantime, I stick to my buddies. They spend lots of time with me, and this is so sweet of them. They all are my idols, as I always learn something from them.

No boyfriend is no big deal for me, as long as I have something else to fill up my time. Keeping myself busier is the best way to black it out.