Spring Break for us was during Easter Week, when all of Spain goes on holiday. Everybody had decided kinda early on what they were going to do, except for me. Since I wasnīt interested in going to Italy, the Canary Islands, or Eastern Europe (Prague, Budapest, Warsaw, etc.) I ended up going on my own to Scotland and doing a 6-day tour. It was so amazing. Iīve wanted to go to Scotland for a while so it was nice to finally be able to do it. I love the accent and now I want to go live there. :) Since they would have made these emails twice as long, I left out almost all the stories Kenny told us, which I did record in my journal. The 12th email will be all of them. If youīre not interested in Scottish history or folklore, then just delete it.

I left for London on the afternoon of Friday the 11th. Forgot my tour ticket so I checked my bag and went all the way back home for the ticket and the scarf. Lucky the Metro to the airport is right by my place. I could not get my Spanish mobile phone to work properly in the UK, despite 3 calls to Customer Service before leaving, where I was assured it would be easy as pie. Ended up accidentally calling Kristin, actually. I also could not figure out how to get the pay phones to work, so I ended up using my credit card to call my relatives. Spent some time with them (the mom is my dadīs cousin) before leaving for the train station to take the train to the bus station to go to Edinburgh (did that make sense?) Fortunately I got to the bus station ok. Unfortunately we tried to make sure I couldnīt miss the bus, so I arrived there about an hour and a half early. One overnight bus ride later, I was sitting in Edinburgh, eating my Sausage McMuffin and reading the placemat about how McDonaldīs is proud not to serve any genetically modified food. The tour office was nearby so we got on our way, with tour bus driver Kenny leading the way. Very funny guy, with a serious Scottish accent. "Scottish rules: donīt sit next to the same person every time you get on the bus." Very shortly we had all met each other. The other 20 or so people were from Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the USA, with one each from South Africa, Sweden, and Thailand. We stopped at the Forth bridges over the Firth of Forth, north of Edinburgh and took pictures of the first cantilevered bridge in the world. Turned out Kathryn was the girl I sat next to on the bus to Edinburgh. We took tea next to one of the 826 lochs in Scotland and passed our first of hundreds of castles, Linlithgow. Then we went to Stirling, where William Wallace fought the English. We visited a huge monument dedicated to him, the third largest in the world dedicated to a single person. But the entrance price wasnīt included in the tour...didnīt like that. We got to see his actual clamor (two-handed broadsword). Later we made our way west, passing the senior citizen-filled town of Callander (slang for old person: coffin-dodger), built by the Romans. Also Tyndrum and Lixtoll, called that because the Picts couldnīt read Roman numerals and didnīt understand that the sign there meant that the toll bridge was 59 (LIX) km from the Roman capėtal of Scotland, which was Glasgow. We also passed the hometown of the world snooker champion and the town of Kilmahog, where, not surprisingly, they used to slaughter and prepare livestock. We also passed Ben Nevis (the tallest mountain in the British Isles...when the snow melts from the top, the world will end), Glencoe, and other places. We even passed the place where Hagridīs hut is under construction for the third Harry Potter movie and quickly took pictures before Kenny zoomed away. Kenny told us the stories of Wallace and of Rob Roy McGregor, who secretly stole hairy coos (the amazingly cute Scottish livestock; I bought a calendar of them) from the lords and then offered his services to guard the flocks. All his profits went to the Jacobite Army to fight against the English. Most of the trip was English-bashing, actually. And dirty Scottish jokes, which I wonīt repeat here. ("Clean jokes: nae funny. Scottish humor is based on dirty jokes and laughing at your matesī misfortune") After stopping for lunch, we went to Glen Nevis and hiked to the waterfall where where Mel Gibson and his wife consummate their marriage in Braveheart. There was a scary three-rope bridge to cross to get to it, but I made it across and tasted the falls. We also passed the loch where Sean Connery has his summer home, but we couldnīt see it because of the trees. We got to the hostel where we were going to stay and were met by Kennyīs friend Stuart, dressed in a full kilt and everything. Dinner included deer stew, my first time to eat it. Then we had the quiz game, where my team of the more mature people on the trip would have won for our superior knowledge, but we werenīt willing to do the outrageous dares, which were all drinking games. The last round: dancing. Our theme: strip. So we politely conceded. ;)

On Sunday, we left after breakfast and headed to Glen Finnan, where we stood on the shore where Bonnie Prince Charlie first arrived in Scotland from France to be the king of Scotland (and we had tea again). All the chieftains apparently were there to accept him because he was the rightful ruler. Of course, since he had been raised in France, he knew very little about Scotland and he could not speak Scottish Gaelic (which is different from Irish Gaelic). Also near Glen Finnan we saw the bridge where Harry and Ron drive the flying car while trying to get to school in the second Harry Potter movie. We returned to Stuartīs hostel in Corpach (where the bodies of dead Scottish kings were prepared for burial on the nearby island of Iona) for a toilet break and continued on our way, stopping at our first castle, Inverlochy (Inver-something means the city at the mouth of the river Something), which was in ruins. Climbed some of the towers while others played kickball. Then we headed to Loch Duich, where it splits into Kyle of Lochalsh and some other loch. We ate a picnic lunch on a hill overlooking the loch and the nearby castle of Eilean Donan. Nearby was the Well of the Seven Heads, with a statue covering the now unused well. Then we went to the castle itself, which was rebuilt after the English destroyed it. Inside there were a lot of period decorations and even a reconstruction of their kitchen, complete with plastic food and statues of scullery maids at work. In the gift shop, Bret and Chad were complimenting the old lady behind the counter on the cute hairy coos of the countryside. She was smiling. Then they asked, "But surely you donīt eat them, do you?" She looked at them very seriously and said, "But why wouldnīt you eat them?" Hilarious. And I even found a Scotland patch (I collect them)!

On the bus later, we learned the names of the four lochs of the Great Glen that divides Scotland into two sections: Loch Ness, Loch Oich, Loch Lochy, and Loch Linnhe. The four were all linked together, to make shipping faster, to form the Caledonian Canal, connected by systems of locks. Too bad the ships used to transport cargo had grown by the time it was done, so itīs only used by private boats and such. We crossed the toll bridge from Scotland to the Isle of Skye, which Kenny said was the most expensive toll bridge on the planet (27.90 pounds for our bus). He also said we would have to show our passports to the toll guards to be allowed to cross and then laughed at those of us who got ours out (Scottish humor, you know how it goes). Seals and otters apparently cluster near different parts of Skyeīs coast, but we didnīt see any of them. On Skye, we saw our third castle of the day, Castle Moil, which was also in ruins, but very close to our hostel. In the hostel I talked with four of the girls on the tour, two from the US, one from Sweden (Annica, who taught me how to say "my name is", "I donīt speak Swedish", "Iīm fine", "hello", "goodbye", "thank you", and "how are you" in Swedish), and one from Australia, and we all played cards for a few hours. I taught them Chuckīs game Tonk and we played the Australian version of Hand and Foot.

Monday morning, it actually rained a little. The weather was unseasonably warm during the whole tour, and that was the only time it rained. We all complained, but Kenny told us that it normally rains all the time and that the proper way to talk about the weather was that it was "rather atmospheric today." Bought Skittles (woo-hoo) and my 2004 hairy coo calendar after stopping to take a picture in front of the hotel where Drambuie is made. The whole day was for exploring Isle of Skye. Kenny told us that touching the horn of a hairy coo is the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world (lol) and we just happened to stop by an enclosure with three hairy coos in them, so we all leaned over and tried to touch their horns; proud to say I was the first to do it. We also stopped at the Sligachan, a river that divides the two mountain ranges on Skye, one black and one red. It also divided the territories of the two clans of Skye, the McDonalds and the McLeods (Kenny is a McLeod). Because of a story of love between the two clans in which a woman was healed by dipping her face in the river, we all had to dip our faces in the river, and Kenny went on and on about how beautiful and handsome we all were now. Then we saw the Giantīs Teardrops (a waterfall and river and large tower). Kenny made us drink a cup of the river water because itīs supposedly good for you. Tasted fine. So at this point we were virile, good-looking, and healthy. What a great vacation! Next we drove through the Quiraing, a rather bleak section of the island that Kenny decided looked lunar, so we listened to Dark Side of the Moon as we drove through. Hiked up to the top of a mountain and took pictures. There was also a very small ledge connected the mountain by a narrow sloping path very high up, and it was windy. The braver ones of us (including me!) stood on the ledge (Deadmanīs something-or-other) and took pictures. The whole valley was filled with heather and some gorse, with yellow flowers that smelled of coconut oil. We also saw the plains where the Scottish Brigade trains. The area is rather dangerous because there are few landmarks and compasses donīt work there because of the makeup of the rocks. We also saw another ruined castle and some people went down into the little hole in the ground where the dungeon was and took pictures. Then we saw another castle with a plaque dedicated to the clan MacArthur, the bagpipers of the clan McDonald. Apparently, your clan could have the most land, the most hairy coos, the most everything, but if your bagpiper was bad, you got no respect. So bagpipers trained all their lives. They used to send the bagpipe students off to foreign countries to learn any instrument that was remotely like a bagpipe, to gain an advantage over the other clans, countries like England, Spain, and even India (they told us in my Spanish culture class that the bagpipe is a very important instrument here in Spain). Kennyīs family, the McLeods, own Dunvegan Castle on Isle of Skye, but it was too far for us to go visit. That is where the Fairy Flag is housed, a gift from the wee people (Scottish version of leprechauns) of the island. If a battle is looking pretty hopeless, the Fairy Flag is brought out and the tide will turn because of help from the wee people. (Donīt go wandering around Skye by yourself near the Sligachan or they will lure you into one of their parties where five minutes is like five of our years). Oh, hold on. Lunch was in Flodigarry, in the hotel where Flora McDonald hid Bonnie Prince Charlie from the English. Because he was kind of effeminate anyway, she dressed him up as one of her chambermaids and took him on a boat trip to France, where he lived the rest of his life. The point is, I ate haggis! Itīs actually just minced lamb with spices and grains. Itīs kind of like a sticky, spicy meatloaf. I donīt know if Iīd have it again, but it wasnīt bad. Once we got back to the hostel (same one as last night), I bought some postcards and walked around. Ate dinner with Annica that night (the girl from Sweden, she cooked pasta) and listened to the Australians and New Zealanders talking in the lounge, but since I donīt know any of their slang ("joey" = condom, "scull" = to chug, "shovel" = to hit on), we eventually left and I played cards with Kory, one of the two American girls. Taught her Cassino and Double Speed. I had also managed to get my hands on a screwdriver from two other American girls on the trip and was sipping that while Annica got pretty drunk on Malibu Pineapples from a local admirer. I put Bridge Over Troubled Water on the jukebox and sat writing in my diary. It was pretty cool. Plus that went over better music-wise than last night, when I played La Bamba...apparently the locals didnīt like that one. :-P Wade didnīt want to go back to his room at the end of the night because he was sure Kate and Chad would be having sex, so four of us thought it would be funny to burst in on them. Luckily they were done. (Of course these were single-sex rooms, but people will do what they want.) I went back to my room (which I was sharing with the three New Zealand guys: David, Rowan, and Sam) and got in bed. At first I thought David was talking in his sleep...then I realized Georgina was in bed whispering with Sam above Davidīs bed...so...yeah, that was the first time I was ever in that situation. Luckily they had finished by the time I got there. I went to sleep eventually.

The next morning all the Kiwis (someone from New Zealand) were in the room talking (i.e., Sarah and Georgina, or just G, had come in). As the conversation went to last nightīs sex between G and Sam and last nightīs marijuana use between David, Rowan, and Kenny (oh yes, thatīs right), I realized that itīs good to learn about other cultures. The New Zealanders were all in Europe doing their Gap Year (apparently itīs the custom to take off a year between high school and university and just travel and work). Anyway, we left the hostel behind and had tea at Loch Torridon before eating a fish and chip lunch at a stand later. Today was kind of boring actually. The only really fun thing we did was go to a beach. The sand was hard and the water was very cold, but we all sat on rocks and snacked and talked. Afterwards we all donated 3 pounds to the pot (i.e., put the money in a Frisbee) and went to Safeway to buy food for our communal dinner that evening. While dinner items were being bought, the rest of the group loaded up on the alcohol...I got orange juice and yogurt (lol). In the parking lot, Bretīs vodka bottle got jostled and broke, so Kenny tore the shopping bag handle and told him to go back and say the bag broke and could he have another bottle...they gave it to him. We stopped for the night at Carbisdale Castle, a real-life Scottish castle that was donated to the YHA (Youth Hostelling Association) so the kids of the world could come and meet each other and, I donīt know, spread peace or something. It was kick-ass. There were paintings and sculptures all over the place, including one that you could turn and that used to open two secret doors. The most valuable of all the pieces was a tapestry of a peacock that was under absolutely no security...anyway. This time, all 10 guys on the tour were in one room. Now, in the bus, Kenny had drawn names for dinner duty for the night. Not everyone had a job. But lucky me, I was dishwasher #1. Wade was Head Chef although he canīt boil water (we couldnīt switch jobs). While he, Kory, and Lisa cooked (with the help of Ben, Curtis, and Patricia), I found the overpriced Internet machine that would let me read emails but not write them. Later I returned to the kitchen and talked with Jessica while we waited for dinner. There was a lot of variety, but not much actual food, so we all got small portions. Still, it was really fun everyone working together and sitting together and eating and talking, just like the Thanksgiving dinner at the SMUSH last semester. We all toasted Andrew, who in the end did most of the meat preparation. Later it was time for the illegal drinking in the smoking lounge upstairs, where the group played I Never, and you can just imagine how that went. I was journaling (in Spanish, of course) during the game instead of playing and everyone kept asking if I was keeping minutes. During the game, Kenny got a phone call...he just became an uncle! After the game ended, Curtis showed us an unlocked window he found and we went out on the roof and took pictures (found out later that Lisa and Ben came back and did the deed on the roof of the castle) before about 7 of us went on a trail through the woods with no map or flashlight. Being the only sober one, I should have known better, but luckily it was a very short trail so we made it back ok.

Part II includes Loch Ness!