If whenever you hear an electronic beep, you instinctively jump.

 If you have rings around your eyes unrelated to the amount you sleep you got.

 If you have been wearing the same pair of Lycra underwear for the past two weeks.

 If waking up before dawn to exercise seems normal. (you also might be crazy)

 If jamming a piece of Styrofoam between your legs does not seem kinky.

 If bugs die of chlorine poisoning when they land on your skin.

 If you sport long, curling hair with split ends on your legs.

 If the phrase "This set with fins" is better than hearing "You just won $1000."

 If you answer, "I don't need to" when someone asks when you showered last.

 If you love a good lightning storm when you have outdoor practice.

 When you learn how to squirt water 15 different ways.

 When your long-term goal is to slap your bicep on your lat.

 If you look forward to holidays because you have a chance to double or triple practice.

 When you talk about "cuts" you don't mean injuries.

 If all of your friends are swimmers!
 

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly swimming in my soup.
Nonsense sir, dead flies can't swim.

A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!"
"That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"

Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach.

Did you hear about the slow swimmer?
He could only do the crawl.

Fred: Dad, there's a man at the door collecting for a new swimming pool.
Father: Give him a bucket of water.