DISAPPEAR

Having little more to do

Than to sleep and dream of you

I search the skies

For answers to my prayers

With a weak and weary heart

I pretend to make a start

I'm ready for reasons

When none are there

Ease my soul as I ease my mind

Hoping to find

Some kind of answer

And some kind of peace

You have never left my thoughts

You're the reason I'm tied up in knots

I need my freedom

I need release

Chorus:

I need to dream without you

I need to see the picture clear

I don't want to dream about you

I need you to disappear

I take this journey like I take my past

With eyes wide open I turn my back

Letting go

Is the only thing left to do

I know in time the scars will heal

Until that day I don't want to feel

The love and hate

I have for you

I can't blame you

When the answer came you

Were looking the other way

repeat chorus

I AM

I am the shadow

Following you

I am the glass

You're looking through

I am the clouds in the sky

The water in the sea

I am whatever

You desire me to be

At your command

I follow your lead

I am the blood in your veins

If that is what you need

Tracing your image

On a shattered mirror

I am your reflection

I am the voices that you hear

I am the walls that protect you

I am the plug that connects two hearts

Beating in tune

I am the hunger that feeds you

I am the pathway that leads two souls

Through the ruins

I am I am I am I am

I am your chameleon

To color and shape

I am your exit

To make your escape

At night I am the heat

That keeps your body warm

In the rain I am the shelter

That keeps you from the storm

I am the distance

Of your farthest reach

I am the tides; for you

I am the waves at the beach

I am your assassin

Killing for your cause

I am your justice

The keeper of your laws

I am the pictures you paint

The clay molded in your hands

The marble that you carve

The castles in your sand

I am the vehicle that drives you

I am the pilot that flies two hearts

To their paradise

I am the music that soothes you

I am the bond that glues two souls

Together for life

I am I am I am I am

I am the light that shows the way

Never leading you astray

I am the air that you breath

And everything that you receive

I am I am I am I am

I

Am

LAST

Can you see me later

Can you see me now

Am I a foreign invader

Or am I your sacred cow

Am I the fuel the starts your motor

Or the key that locks your door

You investigative reporter

To tell you what's in store

Chorus:

Am I a friend and a lover

Or is just the end I will discover

When I ask

How long will your love last

Oh am I well suited

To be a passenger for the ride

Do I get the truth undisputed

Or will I find out that you lied

Do I have to keep returning

Or have you let me go

With all your bridges burning

Now I really need to know

repeat chorus

THE LAST PAGE

I know you thought you could beat me

I know you thought you could cheat me

I know the price

I know what you paid

From the footsteps to the slamming door

From you I've heard it all before

But now it's time

To sleep in the bed you made

You thought you left me reelin'

With everything that you took

But I have yet to write

The last page of the book

And there you were claiming victory

You made it sound like it was so easy

But I know the fight

And I know what you won

You left empty handed with an empty heart

Your empty soul was torn apart

And this battle

Ain't even close to done

You thought you were on top

Walkin' by me without a look

But let me tell you something baby

I have yet to write

I have yet to write

No I haven't even put pen to paper, baby

On the last page of the book

MIDNIGHT MONDAY

Always so close

Always so far away

In my grasp but out of my reach

And I'm clutching at straws

That drowned long ago

Drowned like waves at the beach

In my sight

But only in my mind

I state I regret and admire

I can't live

But I do and I must

As I put myself through the fire

Chorus:

Midnight Monday

And another day's gone

Come Tuesday morning

I will still be alone

"Believe" she whispered

And I closed my eyes

When I opened them she was gone

I can still feel

But I wish I couldn't

While my heart keeps beating on

Imagining

I've crossed the line

Knowing what I'm needing

Inspiration

From the blades of her eyes

And now my heart is bleeding

repeat chorus

Only a figment

A stain glass window

Painted on the waves

Rushing back

To the open sea

She can take just like she gave

"Love" she whispered

And I listened

Letting down my guard

Now my love

Is crashing down

A fragile house of cards

repeat chorus

RUT

Stuck in a rut, slave to the grind

Watching and waiting the passage of time

People are blurs, their voices a din

I can't remember where or when I have been

A week is month, an hour a year

Giving me time to just disappear

fade to black, unseen to most

Drifting through my haunts like a ghost

Seeking the reasons for my exile

Desperately wanting to appeal my trial

Calling forth witnesses to state my case

Why I vanished without a trace

Escaped from the trap every day had become

Dulling my senses, making me numb

Sick of this rut, tired of the grind

watching and waiting for the passage of time

Convinced that the truth would drive me insane

I sought out the voices I used to disdain

As my wheel carries me around

I'm seeing voices without a sound

I know what I want but can't seem to reach

I know how I act but not what I preach

Searching for love, searching for faith

caught in a maze, entombed like a wraith

The jester will laugh as I sink in the mire

The joke is on him as I climb ever higher

The pinnacle lies beyond the clouds

But to climb so high is not allowed

To retreat to the world I left behind

Is out of the question, I'd go out of my mind

I couldn't stay, it was the choice I had made

I couldn't return, it was the price I paid

daily existing was wearing me down

A tidal wave, I thought I would drown

Out of the rut, free from the grind

Living outside of the passage of time

People are clear, their voices a choir

I think I have found all I desire

THE SKY AROUND THE CLOUDS

As I search for inspiration

From the sky around the clouds

It's raining on my forehead

And I think I'm gonna drown

And the rain

It fills me with delight

Because I know it's not for long

And I stay

Be it wrong or right

But I know it's not for long

And with anticipation

I look for light between the clouds

At night the grey is breaking

And the sky doesn't make a sound

The rainbow

Fills me with delight

cause I can't wait to reach the end

And I go

And I chase the light

'Cause I can't wait to begin

In my desperation

I ran into one who loves me

Through my faults and isolation

You're always thinking of me

As the rain

Trickles to the ground

I forget all about the clouds

I see your face

In the world all around

And I forget about the clouds

As I search for inspiration

From the sky around the clouds

It's raining on my forehead

And I hope I'm gonna drown

SOULS IN THE STREAM

What ever happens

To the souls in the stream

Lost not forgotten

Or out of our minds

What ever happens

To fire in winter

Frozen in flame

Or burning through time

Sometimes the answers

Rest out side our windows

In blackest of oceans

Right by our side

Sometimes the reasons

Will never reveal

The turning in motion

Of life as a wheel

What ever happens

To the souls in the stream

Drifting so peaceful

Or raging in tide

Sometimes the answers

Come knocking at midnight

During blackest of minds

And are never received

The mysteries are questions

To the answers in life

With shadows in light

That never are seen

Sometimes the reasons

Will never reveal

The turning in motion

Of life as a wheel

THINGS DON'T CHANGE THAT FAST

I don't know why you ask

"Who do you love?"

I told you before

You're the only one I'm thinkin' of

You got your highest praise from me

And though you think it's crazy

I can't stop lovin' you

No matter what you say or do

Yes time has passed

And lives do go on

But ours went by too fast

And went on for too long

Chorus:

I don't know why you ask

'Cause things don't change that fast

I haven't had time to make

Repairs on the break in my heart

Can't you see it in my eye

You know I'd never lie

I need to regain control

Of my sanity and my soul was torn apart

So please, please don't ask

'Cause things don't change that fast

You saw elation in my tears

Faith through my fears

I never left so much

Open to your touch

That I could not take back

When those feelings started to attack

And now time has passed

And lives do go on

But ours went by too fast

And went on for too long

repeat chorus

VICIOUS CIRCLE

I would worry, I would care

If I thought it would change a thing

I would get mad, I would fight

If I thought that I could win

My battles are all futile

The war - a losing cause

Always playing by the rules

While breaking all the laws

I would move, I would attack

With weapons tight in hand

I would run, I would charge

If I could learn how to stand

Held in fear of what might be

But I never gave it a second thought

Safety in fear, holding back

Or so say the lies I bought

All the time my grave awaits

never wanting to change the fates

Not in retreat, but not alive

Always knowing that I never tried

My life a jail, my only crime

Taking for granted my precious time

The time to choose is long gone

And living now just goes on and on

To escape require more than I've got

In a vicious circle I am caught

I would yell, raise my voice to the sky

If I thought that I was heard

I would write or act or sing

If I spoke more than empty words

I scream in the darkness, I cry at night

Will some one let me out

I need some one to touch my life

And remove this killing doubt

In a holding pattern, staying afloat

Trapped at sea, lost on my boat

On auto pilot, cruise control

Not gaining the world but losing my soul

As the last of my thoughts are dying en masse

The choice comes around and again is past

Lost in the depth of a darkened cave

Is there a chance that I will ever be saved

To escape requires more than I've got

In a vicious circle I am caught

Now I can't leave behind

The life I love and I dread

It would be so easy if I

Could go on believing what I said

A token glance at the world outside

I can see it but never speak

Fighting for rights I never had

My strength, forever weak

These tailor made cuffs

Keep me bound in these chains

I am the guilty party

Always taking the blame

The anger is building, now enraged

The full force of my fury is now engaged

Breaking the locks ignoring the fear

Beginning again the choice is clear

A victory is within my grasp

My time is now to destroy my mask

The tunnel's light has reached my eyes

Awakened from death I realize

To escape requires all that I've got

A vicious circle, I'm no longer caught

THE SPELL

What would it matter

If my ship sailed off the earth?

Carry me out of fate’s hands

For whatever good it’s worth

I’m not so blind

The reasons are so clear

That my presence

Is no longer desired here

I can leave

Whenever I am asked

But we play charades

And we hide behind masks

I’m as cold as ice

I can’t be scratched

And against harsh reality

I’m evenly matched

To another’s truth

I will concede

And from my burden

You will be freed

I’ve seen this edge

Many times before

And have no fear

Of what’s behind the door

I can floor the pedal

For distance and speed

Disconnection

Warnings I must heed

Oceans apart

Through eons of time

Building glass walls

I find so hard to climb

And feeling the chill

Of your presence like ice

I flee from the spell

That once had me enticed

SKIN

Suffocating, strangeness abounds

There is no room there is no release

Trapped cast out

Who can I talk to

When I lie to myself

Who can I believe

A wilderness to navigate

Saying the same things I always have

As if truth depending on me repeating it

The future becomes a fairy tale

Because the moment overwhelms

Why can’t I see

My reflection in the mirror

Not like a vampire

I see a face but not the one

I wear

Is the image the lie

Or is the view that I held

As false as a killer’s smile

Enveloped in skin

I want to peel away

To the layers beneath my flesh

To the face I see in the mirror

Below the surface

Exploding

Clawing through

But somehow never reaching

The face in the mirror