Music to Help You Sleep

2:05 AM
Agent Mulder looked at the digital clock on his coffee table and groaned. He'd been awake for 2 hours now, too tired to do anything and too hyper to go to sleep, laying on the couch with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling or rolling around and punching the lumpy cushion. And, as if it weren't bad enough to have a case of insomnia, it was made even more hellish by the fact that he had had a song in his head all day.Mulder had attempted everything to get rid of it. He tried to will it away. He played his All Saints album full blast. He even watched crappy MTV programming! No use. The song was still in his head...

'Workin on a groovy thing, bay-bee, working on a groo-oovy thing'
'Workin on a groovy thing, bay-bee, lets not rush it, we'll take it sloooooooooowwwwww....'
"To hell with this," said Mulder, sitting up.He picked up his phone and dialed Scully's number. "I wonder if Scully knows how to get songs out of your head..."

Scully woke to the sound of her phone ringing. Groggily she answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Scully, it's me. How do you get an evil song out of your head?'
"What?"
"I've had this song in my head all day and it's driving me insane."
Scully paused and thought.
"Well, I guess you could try replacing it with something else..."
"Ok, thanks. Bye!" and with that, Mulder hung up.
Scully was just about to drift off when the phone rang again.
"What now?" she said into the phone.
"It's not working, Scully. Any other ideas?"
"I really don't know what to say, Mulder."
"I know! I'll call Marita. Bye."
Scully sighed resignedly and went back to sleep.

Mulder dialed Marita Covarrubias' number.
"Yes?"
"Hi, Marita, this is Mulder. Would it be possible for us to meet?"
"Yes. Go to the Belching Drunks Disco; I'll meet you there."

The Belching Drunks Disco was packed full of stylish people dancng under a strobe light. Mulder looked around until he spotted Marita, who was standing near a corner. She wore a Union Jack miniskirt, matching boots, and a red tiara. Mulder barely recognized her.
"Marita?" he asked tentatively.
"Oh, hi, Mulder!" she answered cheerfully.
"Umm...nice dress."
"Thanks! Cool club, eh?"
"Marita, are you feeling alright?" Mulder peered into her face.
She just laughed. "I guess you're surprised to see a stiff UN chick in a place like this, huh?"
"Yeah, basically."
"Mulder, have you noticed that the people you encounter daily seem duller and duller?"
"It had crossed my mind, but it seemed too rude to mention." Mulder smiled.
"It's Cancer Man's plot. People pay less attention to boring people like me, making it easier for us to sneak around on top secret missions. Sometimes I'm almost invisible! But many of us have to pretend to be stiff and lifeless all day, and it can really wear you down. This club is where we come to be ourselves after a day of forced dullness."
"Who's 'we'?" Mulder asked, but Marita wasn't listening.
"SPENDY!" she cried joyfully, hugging a man clad in 1970's green flares, a purple shirt, and pink necktie - Agent Spender.
"Hey, Blondie! Oh hi Mulder!" he grinned, slapping Mulder on the back. "Great to see you here! I love your work on the X-Files, it's so - groovy!"
"NOOOOOO!" Mulder shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears. "The evil g-word!"
"What's with him?" Spender asked Marita, who shrugged.
"It's an evil, evil song." Mulder explained. "Which brings me to what I came here for: Do you know how to get a song out of your head?"
"Sorry," replied Marita. "Conspiracies are more my forte. But why don't you come and have a little drinkie-poo with Spendy and me?
Mulder was led to the bar, where he had several drinks while watching Spender do a flashy Travolta dance.

Skinner was feeling very anxious. He stood in his living room, which was packed with people. The party seemed to be successful, but he had a nagging feeling...
"I need more ice!" Scully demanded, thrusting a glass full of punch in Skinner's face.
"We need more hors d'oeuvres!" Mulder wimpered.
Skinner noticed Cancer Man in a corner, smoking."Oh no!" thought skinner."He's getting ash all over the carpet!"
"I need more ICE!" Scully continued insistently. Skinner was about to take the glass and get ice for the little pest, when Marita tapped him on the shoulder.
"Where's the toilet, Mr.Skinner?" she asked.
"Over there," he replied, pointing. After she had gone, Skinner groaned. The toilet hadn't been cleaned for three weeks! How would he explain?
"I NEED MORE ICE! ICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....."
Scully's voice turned into the ringing of the phone as Skinner woke from his anxiety dream.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Are you the guitar teacher? Because I have this great new song - "
"I'm not a guitar teacher," Skinner interrupted, looking at the clock. "You have the wrong number. Do you know what time it is? It's 3 o'clock in the morning!"
"I have this great new song," the guy continued obliviously, "And it goes like this: Ayi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi..."
Skinner hung up disgustedly. The man's "song" sounded more like the Xena war cry than music.

Marita returned to her apartment after a fun night out at The Belching Drunks Disco. She kicked off her beautiful, if impractical, Union Jack boots, and got online to check her email.
"Oh, there's one from Alex!" she thought happily.
From: onearmedboy@consortium.com
To: mcovarrubias@un.org
Subject: can't sleep
hey girlie, its 3:30 am right now and i've got insomnia, so i'm catching up on all my email. remind me to send you this funny top ten list that cancer man forwarded me. luv alex

Marita looked at the clock above her computer. Alex had just sent it a few minutes ago. Marita began to type out her reply, hoping he was still online.
Why can't u sleep??? Drink too much coffee?

She clicked send and went to the bathroom, then checked her inbox again. There was another message from Krycek.
yup thats right, stupid me had 2 cups just before i went to bed. hey if u r up why don't u come over and keep poor little insomniac boy company? i wanna play ya the new spice girls album i got.

Marita smiled and turned the computer off. Krycek lived in the apartment next to her, so she slipped her boots back on and went over to his bachelor pad.

Skinner had finally gotten back to sleep after Xena Man called. He was in a deep sleep...until...
Yo, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what ya want, what ya really, really want!
I'll tell ya what I want what I really really want,
So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want!
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig-ah...
"What the hell??!!"
Skinner let out an exasperated cry. Spice Girls music was blasting out from the apartment above him.
He got out of bed and began to bang a broom on the ceiling.
"Hey, Spicies! Will you SHUT UP?!?!"
"Alex?" said Marita to Krycek, as they danced together to the beat of Wannabe, "Isn't that Skinner?" Muffled yelling and thunking came from the downstairs apartment.
"Nah, that's probably just Mr. Stinky Fingers." Krycek replied reassuringly. Marita raised an eyebrow.
"Just another new neighbor," Alex explained, twirling her around.

"Well, Scully," Mulder proclaimed happily as they walked through the FBI headquarters the next morning, "I am now officially song-free!"
"Wonders never cease," Scully replied sarcastically as she sipped her coffee. Mulder opened the door to Skinner's office. Skinner sat at his desk, with his head lying on some papers he was supposed to be reading.
"Sir?" said Scully, looking at Mulder.
"Oh, come in," Skinner replied wearily, lifting his head off the desk, and putting his glasses on.
"Rough night, sir?" asked Mulder as he and Scully sat down.
"Oh, god, yes."
"Seems like we all had trouble sleeping." noted Scully.
A voice came through the door. "Agent Mulder?" They turned to see Marita.
"Oh, hi Marita. What's up?" replied Mulder.
"I thought of a way to get a song out of your head."
"Actually, I already exorcised it, but I'd like to hear your theory."
Skinner opened his mouth to say something, looking annoyed.
"Hey, Marita babe," Krycek came in the room, holding a bouquet of roses. "I brought you some flowers."
"Oh Alex, how sweet! Thank you!" Marita gave him a kiss. Skinner stood up, looking thunderous.
Krycek produced a guitar from behind his back. "Let me play you this new song I wrote," he said, beginning to strum. "Ayi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi..."
"YOU!" screamed Skinner, lunging at Krycek and punching him.
"Hey!" yelled Marita. "Stop punching my baby!!"
"Noooo!" groaned Mulder, who didn't have enough energy to scream. "Another evil word!!!!"
Scully sighed and sipped her coffee.