As evening fell in Mommy Mulder's backyard, a lantern was lit inside the tent pitched there.
"Scully, isn't that your 5th S'more?" Mulder asked, snuggling into his sleeping bag.
"Who's counting?" she smiled, munching contentedly as she lay on hers.
"Hey, it's getting dark out, and you know what that means - horror story time!!" cried Mulder gleefully.
"I don't know any horror stories," Scully protested.
"I do," grinned Mulder, dimming the lamp and shining a flashlight on his face. "This is the story of The Man With A Plastic Arm..."
"Don't you mean the one about The Guy With A Hook For A Hand? C'mon, Mulder, that's an old urban legend! Everyone knows that one!"
"This isn't a guy with a hook, it's a guy with a plastic arm! There's a difference!"
"Whatever," smiled Scully.
"Anyway," Mulder continued, "It starts out as our heroine, Marita Covarrubias, arrives at a friend's house to babysit."
"But," interrupted Scully, "I thought Marita worked at the UN!"
"She does. But the friend's usual babysitter had Mono, so she asked Marita to fill in, and Marita figured she could use the extra money."

"Hi!" said Marita, as her friend Eppie let her in.
"Hi, Marita! Thank you for doing this on such short notice."
"My pleasure. Hi, Kid 1 & Kid 2!"
The Kids were glued to the TV. They mumbled something, not looking up from the screen.
"I've left phone numbers on the fridge, and if you get hungry there's leftover takeout."
"OK, Eppie, I'm sure we'll be fine." replied Marita, following her friend to the door.
For the first half hour things went fine. The kids remained glued to the television, while Marita scarfed takeout in the kitchen. Then...
Kid 1 was distracted from the exploits of the Mighty Morphin Turbo Rangers long enough to notice a hand scratching at the window.

"And not just any old hand," said Mulder, "A fake hand!! Needless to say, the kids freaked."

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" they screamed.
"What is it?" asked Marita, running out from the kitchen.
"A hand!!! An Evil Hand!!!" Kid 1 shrieked.
"Oh, not to worry," said Marita, opening the door. "It's just my boyfriend, Alex."
Krycek stood in the doorway, looming over the children. With his leather jacket and fake arm, he was an imposing sight indeed.
"Your mother said I could have some company over," explained Marita. "Come in, Krycek!"
"Hey, kid," said Krycek, ruffling Kid 2's hair, "Where's the eats?" Marita took Krycek to the kitchen, and The Kids went back to the TV.

Scully sat upright in her sleeping bag. "Marita's dating Krycek?!?"
"It could happen," shrugged Mulder.

"And so," said Krycek, sitting on the sofa with Marita, "I said to her, 'I'm an FBI agent, not a coffee boy!' and walked out."
"Hey, mister," said Kid 1, tugging on Krycek's pant leg, "Will you play Monopoly with us?"
"Why, sure!" Krycek replied, taking the kid onto his lap.
This is so easy, Krycek thought. Just act nice with the brat, impress Marita...
"I'll go set up the board," said Marita, thinking how sweet Krycek was.

"Boor-ing!" said Scully.
"Patience, Scully, patience!" replied Mulder.

"1,2,3,4-DAMN!" Krycek shouted. His metal car had landed on Kid 2's 4-hotel lot.
"That'll be 3,000 dollars," Kid 2 said smugly.
"Now I'll have to mortgage Water Works," Krycek whined.

"And when Krycek was finally bankrupted," Mulder narrated, "The kid was still not satisfied. He insisted on playing over and over and over again."
"Oooh, I'm shaking," Scully teased.
"You'll see why that's horrifying in a moment, Scully."

"Kid 2, do we really have to keep playing this?" a weary Marita asked. "We've been at it for 3 hours!"
"Play again!" The Evil Kid commanded.
"Alright," Marita sighed. "Alex, it's your turn."
Krycek gave The Kid a nasty look and rolled the dice again. He landed on The Electric Company, which was owned by Kid 2, of course. This was the 7th time he had landed on it.
"STUPID LIGHTBULB!!!" he yelled, slamming his fist on the board. The plastic houses shook. "I'm gonna get you, Light Bulb! I'm gonna get my car, and I'm gonna vroom it round the board, and GET YOU!!!"
"Pay up," Kid 2 demanded, but Krycek had his face down near The Light Bulb.
"I'm gonna get you," he said, whispering.
"Pay up," repeated The Kid, extending his hand.
"Stupid Light Bulb, takin' all my freakin' munies!" Krycek muttered.
"Pay up, pay up, PAY UP!!!" screamed The Kid.
"ALRIGHT!!!" Krycek counted the money, muttering darkly to himself, then threw it at The Kid. "But I got doubles, so I getta go again."
The Phone rang.
"I'll get it," said Marita, jumping up to escape, as Krycek rolled the dice in his palms. Chance was 8 spaces away from the Stupid Light Bulb.
"Please let me get 8 please let me get 8 please let me get 8 please let me get 8..."
He rolled the dice and got 7.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!" Krycek threw himself onto the couch and pounded his fists as he screamed. Marita re-entered the room and observed Krycek's hysterics.
"Did he land on a motel?" she asked Kid 1.
"No, he didn't get Chance," The Kid replied.
"That's all?!?! I thought he'd gone bankrupt."

"So did Krycek's luck stay bad?" Scully wondered.
"Yep," Mulder smirked. "AND they had to play it for another hour!"
There was a rustling outside the tent.
"Hey, Mulder, what's that?"
"I dunno, but it's headed this way!!!"
Mommy Mulder poked her head in the tent.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Mulder and Scully screamed in unison, ducking under their sleeping bags for protection.
"It's OK, it's just me!" Mommy Mulder said soothingly. "I brought you some cocoa."
"Oh, thanks, mom," said Mulder nonchalantly, taking one of the steaming cups from her.
"Oooh, extra marshmallows!" Scully said happily.
"I'm going to bed now. You kids be good!" said Mommy Mulder, leaving.
"Goodnight, mom!"
"So anyway," said Scully, "What happened?"
"Well, the kid finally let up and went outside to play, leaving Krycek and Marita alone on the couch."

"Babe, did I ever tell you how much I like peroxided hair?" Krycek put his arm around her.
Marita got a strange look on her face.
"Was the line that bad?"
"Umm...Alex...your arm..."
Krycek looked around just in time to see one of the little darlings running off with his fake arm.
"YOU LITTLE #$!^*&! COME BACK HERE!" he yelled, chasing after the kid.
The child ran outside where his sibling was waiting, and they scrambled up a tree, waving the arm. Marita came outside and looked up at The Kids. She put her hands on her hips.
"Kid Number One, you get down here this-OW!" She was pelted with a pinecone.
"Pinecone war!!!" shouted the little monsters. The happy laughter of children filled the air as pinecones rained down on sitter and boyfriend.

"So what happened next?" an enthralled Scully asked as she sipped her cocoa.
"Krycek had taken all he could stand." Mulder was almost feeling sorry for him.

Krycek ducked through the storm of pinecones, reached into the tree, and pulled the little creeps down by their collars.
"Now you listen to me," Krycek said menacingly. "If you even THINK about doing that again I'll throttle your sorry little necks." Krycek started shaking them, and really got into it.
"Krycek, you better let them go." Marita said reluctantly.
"Alright," he said, dropping the brats and grabbing his fake arm.
"Oh, isn't that sweet!" Eppie called from the doorway."I can see you're all having lots of fun!"
"Eppie," Marita said darkly, "If you ever ask me to babysit again, I will kill you." She and Krycek stormed off.

"Wow!" said Scully, "What a story!"
"That's not quite the end," Mulder smiled.

"Aaah, it's sooo good to be home after that ordeal," said Marita, as she turned on the lights in her apartment and leaned against the door.
"Alone at last," murmured Krycek, running his fingers through her bleached locks and nibbling on her neck. Marita's eyes widened.
"Alex," she whispered, "There's something I have to tell you."
"Don't worry," Krycek whispered back, "I brought some with me."
"No, Alex, look!"
Krycek turned around. "AAAARRRRGGHHH!"
Kid 1, Kid 2, and Eppie were waiting for them.
"Something came up," began Eppie, "Can I leave the children with you overnight?"

"So then what?" asked Scully.
"No one knows," said Mulder, shaking his head. "Some say Krycek and Marita killed Eppie in a fit of rage, and others say they jumped out the window. But everyone agrees that The Evil Children are still out there, looking for a babysitter..."