A Sunday school teacher is accused of child abuse because she hugs little preschoolers in the presence of their parents and grandparents. If you have not yet read the story, you will find it under the title, "To Hug of Not to Hug, That Is the Question." It was originally published on December 1, 1998 in the Natural Health topic at Suite101. You will be lead back to this follow-up page at the bottom of the article.

Terry-Lynn, author of Children's Disabilities, Nov. 25, 1998: Well, the article makes a valid point. Everyone needs more love these days with the way things are going in the world. Unfortunately, a lot of people think there is something wrong with the act of giving a hug, as if you're going to start slobbering all over them. They automatically think if you apply that type of kindness to another, there is an underlying sexually explicit reason. If more people gave hugs instead of verbal thrashings and punches, the world would be a much happier and safer place. Bill Samuel, author of QuakerInfo, Nov. 26, 1998: There needs to be some sort of balance between the need to protect children, and others, from exploitation, and the people's emotional and even physical need to be touched. There is medical evidence that physical development is harmed with lack of touch. I agree with Traute that it's gone way over to one side, to the consequent deprivation of many. I know a teacher who sometimes has students share very deep hurts with her. She knows the sobbing student needs a hug, but can't give it to her/him. This is very sad. Eileen O'dea, author of Home and Garden, Nov. 26: Keep on hugging! I was severely abused as a child. Just about the only thing I didn't get were the hugs I so desperately needed. I make sure I get them now, and give them, too. We, as humans, need human contact. It is a basic need, not learned, but instinctive. Yes, we must watch out for our children. Make sure they are not abused, and are very loved. Both will insure they will grow up healthy of heart and soul. Traute Klein, biogardener, the accused Sunday school teacher and author of the original article, Nov. 26, 1998: Not only humans. Have a look at the animal world and see how much touching the young ones receive! I am a cat lover. Kittens get licked and cuddled not only by their mothers but also by the other members of the pride. Youngsters do lots of touching among themselves not only in horsing around but in licking and cuddling. No wonder cats are such self-assured creatures! My current cat spent the first year of her life on an old lady's lap. What a loving cat! But only with the people she trusts. That includes our family and a couple of neighbor children. The same is true for children. Just because they hug the people they love does not mean that they are going to trust strangers. Eileen O'dea, Nov. 27, 1998: So true. My sweetie Syd, a golden retriever/shepherd mix, can't go more than 30 minutes with out his hugs and snuggles. I'm always covered with his red fur, but I wouldn't trade those hugs for the world. So we both end up red and very loved. Barbara Nicholson, author of Antiques & Collectibles, Nov. 27, 1998: I have always believed that the loving touch of another human being is one of those core human needs that we cannot live without. It is the essence of parental love, the part of marital love that lasts beyond sex and fills in when words aren't enough. It always helps calm down a crying child or a grieving adult. Hugs are useful in every language, and sometimes the only way to communicate with someone who cannot understand your words. I got one today, and that was exactly what I needed to stop crying. My companion knew I was hurting and that nothing he said would help. It worked. Traute Klein, biogardener, Nov. 27, 1998: The story continues . . . Last Sunday, I requested that the accusations be put in writing. The letter was delivered to my house today. It does not contain the words "abuse" or "inappropriate touching" which had been tossed around previously, but the charge has now been upgraded to "hugging and kissing." When I mentioned it to a fellow parishioner, she broke into laughter. "That is funny," she told me. Actually, it is. The only two creatures I kiss are my husband and my cat. Even my adult son has to be satisfied with hugs. Nellie, Christian's son, Nov. 27, 1998 Even in online chats, I love receiving cyberhugs. Since so few are directed my way, I find them just as special as "real" hugs. Every now and then, I even ask for them. What I am wondering is, for those women out there who do online chat, do cyberhugs count toward your three hugs a day? Heike Boehnke, author of Attachment Parenting, Nov. 28, 1998 Traute, I cannot believe what I am reading! As some of you may know, I moved here from Germany in 1995. I come from a very huggy family, and to this day, I am almost 30, I still put my arm around my mother or hold her hand when I walk with her. My husband and I got married here in California, and a few of our best friends came for the wedding from Germany and from around the US. We received many comments from our "local" friends about the constant hugging that was going on. We hug our daughter constantly, all day, and for her a hug is something nice and fun. I am used to hugging my friends and family when greeting them or saying good-bye. I have often encountered a tense reaction to this here in the US. Some people have grown up being uncomfortable about being touched. That is one of the issues I OFTEN mention in my articles. My husband and I are constantly amazed by the cool interaction between parents and kids, the missing warmth. Seeing a hug as "abuse" or a sexual advancement is sickening. In this country, where so many children are neglected and abused physically and sexually, it would help if some people took the time to hug and console. Not only children, but the adults who have missed this important warmth and attention have some serious issues because of it. We do not have to be afraid of an adult who hugs our child. We should see this as a compliment. For those who are afraid that a hug could lead to a sexual advancement, do some research! Take time to explain and teach your children the difference. Make sure they feel comfortable about talking to you about ANYTHING! Things are going too far, and the ones who really need protection are being neglected due to an overwhelming number of ridiculous suits and accusations. When I read that a toddler was expelled from school for kissing a classmate on the cheek for sexual harasment, I just about exploded. Sorry this is so long! I feel very strongly about this type of thing. I am sorry that you have to prove yourself, Traute, to people who must have some personal issues, as I would NOT see your hug as sexual! Traute Klein, Nov. 28, 1998 Heike is right. Hugging is not a precursor to sexual abuse. People who abuse, do not show warmth but control which leads to violence. I came to this church after a traumatic experience in my life which had kept me away from people for 5 years. I found healing in the love which was shown me, and I am passing on this love to the grandchildren of the people who taught me to love again. When our present minister came to this church a little over a year ago, he had just retired as army chaplain. I can understand that an army chaplain might be misunderstood if he shows affection to the soldiers in his charge. I wonder how that experience influenced his attitude. I am happy to report that all the parents and children are upset that I am now forbidden to teach the children. The youngest one in the class told her mother, "I want the teacher who gives me hugs!" Eileen O'dea, Nov. 28, 1998 Abusers don't hug, not in a loving manner anyway. There is nothing loving about abuse, and today's kids know this. Let's also give THEM some credit for knowing when they are receiving love. If this "Hugging" phobia keeps up, we will neglect our children's hearts right into extinction. Hugs are love, Plain and simple. People who thinks differently, should examine their own motives. Why do THEY think hugs are bad? Are they feeling something they shouldn't? Are they feeling guilty? What is really motivating these people? Love for the children or their own fears? Elizabeth, writer of Almanac, Nov. 30, 1998 Jesus hugs. I think that it is pretty obvious, although overlooked and denied, that hugging is a necessary and natural part of life. Thanks, Traute, for putting it front-and-center! It's nearly impossible to think of Jesus without a forefront of emotions and stigmas attached - my favorite images are also of the laughing, loving, genuine wonderful Jesus. It is so nice to get a Jesus hug and to pass it on. Please keep passing them on. Suzanne Griffith, Dec. 1, 1998 Traute, I'm glad you brought up the subject of "inappropriate" touching of children. So many parents seem to be isolating their children from nature and human contact. Infants' heads are covered with blankets, and strangers who smile at the child are met with suspicious looks. We all need to care for all children. Keep hugging! Lilo, Dec. 1, 1998 Now that I live alone, hugs are sort of hard to come by, at least the human kind. But I know I am loved when Corinne, the ancient nanny goat, gives me a goat-kiss, breathing into my face. The dogs and cats, of course, are full of hugs, even the chickens will cluck to me of their affection. Being surrounded by nature makes me feel love. The saddest part of my life was when my late husband, personality altered by his illness or his drinking or his hate of life-changes, chose to push every one away and refused affection offered to him. I never felt more alone than at that time. Hiliz, Dec. 7, 1998 Hugging Inappropriate? We all know what is and isn't appropriate touch, including those who do touch inappropriately. Denying someone something as simple as a hug, especially a child, is insane. Different cultures approach it differently, I suppose. I am originally from the Northern US where people tend not to be as tactile toward one another when first meeting. I now live in the southeastern US where it is much more common to touch when first meeting. It took me a while to get used to this, but Lord! I never accused anyone of touching me inappropriately! I was the victim of sexual harassment several years ago, which included a lot of unwanted and unwelcome touching, so I know the difference. It has been shown clearly in study after study that the lack of touch has a detrimental effect on those not touched. Anyone out there a fan of Leo Buscaglia? If you are, then you know that he hugged everyone he could at his lectures. He'd be outraged at this! Traute Klein, Dec. 7, 1998 It is doubly hypocritical when the pastor refuses the children their hugs from a Sunday school teacher old enough to be their grandma, when he himself hugs the ladies in the church. Several ladies now refuse his hugs because they do not appreciate the double standard. I have, however, noticed that he never hugs his own wife or even his children, teenagers, both of whom hug me. His teenage son makes sure that his father notices when he hugs me, even though he knows it enrages his father. Here is the Family Circus cartoon which several parishioners cut out of the Winnipeg Free Press on Dec. 5 and passed around the church: Heike Boehnke, Dec. 10, 1998 Sad, but befitting! The Family Circus cartoon is so appropriate. Isn't it sad that this society has come this far? I was very curious at what others would post, and I am happy to see that all of us are warm, normal people who understand the importance of a HUG. Again, I must say you have brought up a very important subject. In lieu of this I have decided to feature "Raising children with love" as my next article. I am happy to read that your congregation is supporting you, Traute. Traute Klein, Dec. 11, 1998 The congregation has organized an open meeting for the afternoon of Dec. 14. Not only parents but other concerned parishioners are coming to voice their support. Some people are taking vacation time from work in order to attend. I feel loved, trusted, and supported. This congregation has responded to the love which I have shown their children and grandchildren more than to anything else I could have done to make myself acceptable. Surely this same support would be shown to school teachers who would defy the system by showing love to the children in their care, but then which teacher wants to go through the trauma of testing it out. Traute Klein, Dec. 14, 1998 I have been vindicated. Hugging is now officially all right in our church if it comes from Traute, because she is family. Parents and friends showed up in overwhelming support of me. I didn't need to say a word. The charges of child abuse and inappropriate touching still remain. They are criminal offenses in Manitoba and require that the perpetrator be reported. The wise retired minister has demanded of the new minister that he either apologize to me or else respect the law and report me to the police. I heartily agreed. The congregation has assured me that they will deal with the problem and resolve it. Lilo, Dec. 16, 1998 Traute, I am so happy for you! But then, I knew in my heart that this situation would be resolved! It is sad that this had to happen to begin with. Traute, Dec. 17, 1998 I was never aware of it before, but lately, I have noticed hugs on almost every TV show, especially in the Christmas specials. Today we watched this year's heartwarming Christmas special by the Canadian Brass. All their specials are highlights in our house, because I have known the team personally for years and I know those musicians to be warm and loving. It was a pleasure to see them with their arms around the children who were performing with them. I also noticed that some of the children were hugging each other. Wasn't a kindergarten pupil suspended last year somewhere in the US because he showed affection to a classmate? Roxianne Moore, author of Resources for Writers, Dec. 19, 1998 I, too, have been accused of abuse for hugging a boy who had turned to me because no one else would listen to him. However, when he mentioned to his parents that I had hugged him and rubbed his back (through two layers of clothing), they went to the police and accused me of touching him inappropriately. This boy was 17, young enough to be my child, and I offered him the same comfort I'd have offered my own son. I am fortunate that the police believed me and did not file charges. I was fortunate, also, that the boy did not claim I had done anything inappropriate. I believe the charges stemmed solely from his parents, and cannot understand their motives. That these people do not give their own child love and affection is obvious. It is also obvious that they do not wish for him to receive that affection from anyone else. I have been ordered not to talk with him or touch him. To whom will he turn the next time he feels lonely, confused and afraid?

It is a sad commentary on our society that our children are being taught that showing affection with a hug is dangerous and illegal. What will their children be like? Traute, Dec. 22, 1998 Out of the mouths of babes. Today a revelation hit me. It is the little children in my Sunday school class who are fighting this battle and are going to win the victory. They simply refuse to be taught by a teacher who does not show them love. When forced to accept a new teacher, one of the two who had accused me of child abuse, a little four-year-old went home crying, "I want the teacher who gives me hugs," and she refused to return to the new teacher. These children know what they want and they know how to get it. They are bringing down the mighty. Isabel Tipton, Dec. 26, 1998 Isn't it a sad commentary on life today that a Sunday school teacher known to all the congregation for years should have to put up with this treatment. I would really question the judgment of your pastor on all things from now on. At the very least he has some growing up to do! Traute, Jan. 9, 1999 No apology from the minister! Instead he has rewritten the original accusation from "inappropriate touching" to "unwanted touching" and the term "abuse" is supposed to have originated with me. He has also consulted a lawyer who has told him that there is nothing wrong with what he has "written." We now have no Sunday school. The other two teachers have resigned rather than cooperate with me as the congregation asked them to. I certainly cannot have any contact with children as long as the criminal charges are allowed to stand. Those charges were not "written," they were "spoken" to me and to all the parents. This is so sad. It took many years of hard work to build up this Sunday school, and it got destroyed in one single year through the firing of the two people who were carrying the load. I was not the first one, but I was the most visible one and my firing caused the greatest reaction from parents and children. The other one was the Sunday school superintendent. Bill Samuel, Jan. 9, 1999 Traute, I'm sending you a hug from a distance. You certainly can use it. I guess Jesus would have been called a child abuser for taking the children into his arms. Traute, just keep showing the love of Jesus to the children at your church and everyone else, and don't let anyone stop you. Andy & Loretta, Jan. 11, 1999 Our thoughts are with you Traute. I agree, the world is getting to be a pretty bad place when one can't show concern for the needs and hurts of others without being labeled a criminal. Funny, I haven't been arrested as I often hug and sometimes pat a person on the back. Certainly impermissible. Lauren Parthun, author of Coping with Cancer, Jan. 26, 1999 Loved your articles on Hugging. I don't think I could survive without Hugs. I'm in a Twelve Step Group and that's all we do. If someone doesn't want to hug, then I respect their wishes. Hugging makes me feel loved and cared about, and that's a good feeling. Traute, Jan. 26, 1999 The minister is not against hugging, he is only against hugging children. That is discrimination. He hugs women, at least he did until the women refused his hugs. I don't know what to think of a man who considers it proper for him to hug married women but thinks it improper for a senior woman to hug a four-year-old. Maybe a psychologist would have some insight into his personality. John Hoh, author of Lutheranism, Jan. 28, 1999 Hugging is a vital part of human existence. My wife can't get through the day without a hug, when I go to work, before going to bed, etc. She gets hugs from her therapist. At Grace Oasis (our ministry to people in recovery, people are often hugging each other, a vital sign of acceptance between people, especially believers who are of the family of God! I am sure that the maelstrom surrounding the Sunday school situation will do far more harm, unfortunately, than hugging ever will. Children need that encouragement and sign of acceptance. Now, as the situation stands as I read the article and the posts, the children are traumatised by physical contact and with the Sunday school shut down there appears little spiritual contact. My prayers are with you in this matter. Pammy, Apr. 22, 1999 I need advice. My son is 22 years old and seems to have a hostile aversion to touch - while he was in his teen years, I respected his "don't touch me" attitude and words but thought he would outgrow this. He has not, in fact, he is highly aggravated when I get in his body space or touch his arm or hand. What would cause this? Does he need a shrink? Do I? Traute, Apr. 22, 1999 This is only my opinion. What works for my family may not be the right answer for you. So I will tell you what I would do in your case. I know of people who appear to be quite happy without touching. I don't know if they really are, but if they are able to show their love in other ways, I wouldn't worry about them too much. If, however, your son seems to lack the ability to love and be loved, I would be concerned. I would ask myself if my son has always been that way or if there was a starting point for the no-touch problem. If he had this attitude from birth, I would think back to my pregnancy to see if there was a traumatic experience somewhere. I am saying this because I know of a child whose mother was abused in the the 7th month of pregnancy and that child was born angry and rebellious. Unlike all of his siblings, he has had serious problems all his life. If my son was receptive of love as a baby, I would try to pinpoint the onset of the problem and try to figure out what occurrence could have caused it. Just knowing what hurt a child's soul is often the key to recovery. I am writing an article on forgiveness. I have experiences in my life where I forgave a hurt which was done to me and the effects were totally erased. At one time that happened even though the person who did the hurt never asked for forgiveness, never even admitted any wrongdoing. That kind of forgiveness is a gift of God. I certainly don't have it in me to forgive like that in my own strenght. Probably a mother can do this kind of digging as well as any psychiatrist, but then that is just my own opinion based on my background experiences. Mary Alward, author of Canadian Tourism, Travel & Culture, Apr. 26, 2000 I believe that hugs are important. Since you live in Canada, you know the laws in the schools. However, my grandon's teacher often pats the children on the back or places her hand on their heads when they have done an exceptionally good job. She believes that affection is important and that the children know that she cares. Our family appreciates her efforts, but if some parent or grandparent were to take objection to her actions, she could be in a lot of trouble. How sad that our society has come to this. I feel that children need a lot of affection. Traute, Jan. 31, 2001 I have been trying to post an update on the happenings at the church but find it difficult. Many good things have happened in the 27 months since the accusation of child abuse was hurled at me. It took a year before I was able to look at my accuser and not get sick to my stomach. I left church early many a Sunday and was unable to eat for the rest of the day. There were Sundays when I was already sick to my stomach before I left the house and did not go at all. I decided not to sue my accuser even though I was urged to do so and would have received full support of the congregation. Having previously suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder, I know that the number one therapy requires the victim to talk about the trauma. If I had sued, I would have had to stop talking about the matter as long as it was before the courts, and that would have hurt me too much. I feel that this is a topic which needs to be talked about, not just for my mental health, but for the sake of the principle of whether or not we should be allowed to show love in church. Since last summer, we have a new bishop, and I am told that he has been informed of what is going on in the church by several members who were very disappointed with the decision of the previous bishop. He basically told the church, "This is your problem. Deal with it." That is not really true, because it is the bishop who decides on who assigns priests to an Anglican church. Now that I no longer get physically sick in the presence of the person who caused the trauma, I have started to see humor in the situation. Unfortunately the outcome for the church is not funny. We have lost all the families whose children I had been teaching and others besides. We now have a large sign outside the building which claims that we are a family church in spite of the fact that there is no teaching for the few children who are left. The children go down to the basement all right, but there are no classes for them to attend. The only involvement which they have with the church is music. Bob Hunter, author of Pauline Studies, Feb. 1, 2001 As a parent and retired elementary school teacher, I know how important hugs are to children. If perchance we ever meet, you're invited to hug my children as much as you want. They'll love it and you. I'll remember your situation in prayer. John Hoh, Feb. 13, 2002 Hugging is healthy. It helps the body's immune system, keeps you healthier, cures depression, reduces stress, induces sleep, is invigorating, and it is rejuvenating. It has no unpleasant side effects. Hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug. Hugging is all natural. It is organic, naturally sweet, contains no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, and is 100% wholesome. Hugging is practically perfect. There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, low energy consumption, high energy yield, inflation proof, non-fattening, has no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, is theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and, of course, fully returnable. (Author Unknown) Unfortunately, if you were to try to market hugging as something new today, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) would regulate and legislate it to death.) Traute, Feb. 13, 2002 Finally, After driving half the congregation away, the minister finally resigned more than 3 years after labelling me a child abuser, because there simply is no more money to pay him. I understand that he is leaving the ministry. Whether the church can survive, is a real question. We have very few people other than seniors. All the families with children left when there was no more Sunday school. They had little choice. From Australia, Jun. 8, 2005 Comments emailed in to me 8 months ago.: G'day, blessings! I like your style, Traute. You give no way to the critical spirit that tries to tear down, nor do you give way to the work of the enemy as in being the accuser of the brethren. I really want to encourage you in this. I was a School Scripture teacher's assistant for a term. I think the students were around 6-7. A little girl came up to me and gave me a great big hug, my instinct was to hug her back, however I shot my arms straight into the air because of the "Do-gooders - political correctness" controversy I would have or could have landed myself in. Though in all fairness, there are some unmentionables who have really abused kids, and I hate to think of the look on Jesus face when they meet up with him, unless they do become truly repentant. What a mess we live in. In Australia we have a shortage of male teachers in all areas, including school and church. Even the average Aussie male is frightened to give his kids a hug in public because of the image of being an abuser. Blessings! I find you are a fresh breath of wind. Fatima Aly Jaffer, author of Shiasm Explained, Mar. 29, 2004 I hope things are better there on this issue now. It is bad enough if you're deprived of hugs as an adult, but I can't imagine a child living without regular ones! I know how much good a hug does myself because I've always had an aversion to being touched, too. It was only after my best friend started showering me with hers that I finally got addicted! Thank God, our society here in Kenya and the Muslim community I belong to is filled with hugs at every turn! I wish it could be that way everywhere! Traute, Mar. 29, 2004 Unfortunately, the situation has not gotten better. The promised apology never happened, even though an official investigation cleared me of all charges. All the families with children and young people have left the church. A couple of years ago, I was part of a support group of women from various denominations who had been abused by clergy. I was the only one among them who had written proof of what happened, so the others were worse off than I, because it was their word against the word of clergy. Although we all received moral support through the group, none of our situations were ever resolved. In my case, the new bishop was too busy trying to raise money to pay off the victims of pedophelia of their former church camp director. In spite of several requests by members of the church, he refused to help resolve the situation. When my accuser could not manage to keep his position at the church, the bishop did, however, give him a bigger church to shepherd where he still is. To me, that means that the bishop trivialized the abuse which I suffered at his hand. I am now afraid to be seen alone with children. If I get accused of abusing them while their parents and grandparents are present, imagine the stories they could invent when there are no witnesses to defend me. Traute May 19, 2004 It is time to have another look at the question of hugging, and I am working on a new article on the subject. Not only children, but even I need my hugs. I am not getting them and my health is suffering. I dare not hug children any more for fear of being arrested. Wendell Leahy, author of Biblical Apologetics, Jun. 9, 2005 Hello, Traute! (HUG..HUG) <--- here are 2 hugs for you today. Keep smiling kiddo! Indeed, we all need hugs! I hope your health has improved since you wrote that message. Traute, Jun. 9, 2005 I am getting lots of hugs these days. Eighteen months ago, I got adopted by a very aggressively affectionate Siamese tomcat. Unless he is eating or sleeping, he is all over me, loving me up. He sits on my lap, with his front paws on my shoulder and his head wedged against my chin, purring his head off. And I do my typing while he is doing it. The moral of the story: If you have no human being to give you continuing hugs, get a cat or a dog. I hear that dogs are even more affectionate, but I am hopelessly in love with cats. A Siamese is the best of both. He has many of the qualities of dogs, in fact, he frequently licks my face.

I would rather not remember the day, because 7 years ago today I was accused of child abuse. The accuser has informed me in writing that he will never apologize, and the church who had promised to give me a written letter of apology has not found the time to do it in the intervening 7 years. All the parishioners who cared have either left or have died. I now only attend the church for the funerals of the members whose grandchildren I used to hug, and I can see those departed loved ones smiling down at me from heaven, waiting for a chance to return the hugs on my arrival in heaven.

I have started to hug again, children, teens, adults, and pets. I don't care any more what any minister has to say about it. What can he do to me? Have me arrested?

Is society going to put a 70-year-old hugger in jail? I would not even bother defending myself against the charges. Seven years ago, I did not do it either. Rather I allowed my victims to do it for me, and they did it effectively.

I sure would love that letter of apology, though, to restore my reputation as a teacher.

It has come to my attention that the accusing minister is now claiming that I have ruined his reputation.

Hearing of this outrageous new accusation against me has liberated me. There is nothing more I can do to resolve the situation. It seems to me, however, that someone has some serious repenting to do before he can stands before the judgment seat of a holy God. When I met that someone in a healing service a few weeks ago, he did not return my cheery greeting, but his face turned purple in anger. I seem to recall that he had once been requested to take anger management counselling. If he did, it cannot have done much good.

At a recent memorial service in the Anglican cathedral, I received smiles and greetings from many of the clergy whom I did not even know. They all recognize me as the woman accused of child abuse. Their reaction indicates that my reputation is intact.