Our Shame - And His

Shame is an integral concept in contemporary counseling. There are different descriptions of shame by different writers. One set of differences is termed, “healthy shame” and “toxic shame”. In this model, healthy shame is defined as true remorse for our wrong actions, and toxic shame is described as the feeling that there is something wrong with me. We will look briefly at these, and the role of Jesus .

When we consider “healthy shame” to be true remorse for our wrong actions, few would disagree. We should notice that this definition implies that everyone commits some wrong actions. Therefore everyone should have remorse for the things we do that are wrong. This also implies that we can recognize what wrong actions are. We would say that every mentally competent person should recognize that they have thoughts, words and deeds, that are objectively wrong. The judicial system in every country is based on this.

When we consider “toxic shame” we come to the untruth that we need to understand. There are people who do live with the burden of an unrealistic sense of shame. They feel that they are much worse than others. That is simply not true. The fact is, that there is something wrong with all of us . It is the inclination to disregard our Creator, to disregard His will for our lives. It is the self-centered pride expressed by the lyrics of the late Frank Sinatra , “I did it my way.” The delusion of entitlement can carry us far and away.

Everyone needs to recognize – “there is something wrong with me” – not to the point of thinking I am worse than others, that I am beyond hope; but that I am inclined to the same rebellion as everyone else. This understanding frees us from an overwhelming sense of shame, and feelings of inferiority to others. The 12 step movement has helped thousands come out of the delusion of pride to the reality that we are all helpless to consistently do what is objectively right. Many who profess Jesus still live in the delusion of self-righteousness, based on being

familiar with secondary truths. Only embracing the primary truth of the cross pierces pride and opens us to be changed.

Our lives are adrift if lived without reliance upon our Creator, Redeemer and Judge. Our Creator has the right to rule over our lives. This basic truth is not seen by many who profess Jesus . The only solution to our rebellion is surrender. The scriptures use the word “repent” to express this. Its etymology means, “to think again”. When we come to the point of being willing to be ruled - over , we are still left with our guilt and shame for our past. What can we do about what we've done? Here the answer is frightening : nothing ! We cannot repay any of our wrong. At this point, only the message of a Redeemer, one who buys a slave, will bring us peace.

A Redeemer must have sufficient wealth to buy the life of another. Here, the word of the cross means everything. By the most shaming death , the shame of those who rely on Jesus is covered by his perfect life. This great exchange is the sustaining power of truly changed lives. Trusting Jesus crucifies our pride. I give up my pride, to be covered by his life , “meek and lowly in heart”, trusting that he is sufficient, to shield me from “the wrath to come.” - 1 Thessalonians. 1:10

The reality of Judgment is largely neglected by the contemporary church, regardless of denomination. Yet to omit the warning of the wrath to come, is to omit the powerful incentive that Jesus and the apostles spoke. Jesus said, “except you repent, you shall all likewise perish.”- Luke 13:3 & 5 Paul wrote, “knowing therefore the fear of the Lord, we persuade men.” - 2 Corinthians5:11 Luke records the effect of Paul 's reasoning with Felix : “And as he reasoned of righteousness, and self-control, and the judgment to come, Felix was terrified .” – Acts 24:25a “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” – Hebrews 10:31

Jesus came to bear all of our shame in his body upon the cross - once for all. Only the word of the cross is transformational. By trusting him we repeatedly exchange the shame of pride, for the beauty of holiness. Because Jesus bore our shame upon the cross, we that believe on him can confess our sins and be released from our shame . Moreover, our confessions may give others hope that they too can be restored. We find his Spirit strengthening ours to live in hope of a future with “our Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend.”

“And as inasmuch as it is appointed unto men once to die, and after this judgment; so Christ also, having been once offered to bear the sins of many,

shall appear a second time, apart from sin, to them that wait for him, unto salvation.”

– Hebrews 9:27-28