This article is the sole experience and opinion of the author. It is not in any way meant to give advice, insinuate that another approach is wrong or inferior. This is HerStory and only her story, the most beneficial journey of this life thus far.

In February 1996 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer I, like anyone else, was somewhat taken aback. However, unlike many others, I had traveled similar roads before and I knew other women who had walked this path but taken the traditional route and others who had taken the not-so traditional path -- ones that are here, alive and well, envigorated, living productive, happy lives.

For quite some time it has been my belief that any dis-ease is an imbalance in the system -- whether it be on the body, mind, emotional or spiritual level -- that manifests itself on the physical plane. With that in mind I got my footing back, so to speak, with the help of an extremely strong and gentle friend who reminded me of what I already knew: there are a whole lot of moments in a day and no ordinary ones.

Any person travelling this journey needs courage, energy, time and money that will be exerted no matter the approach. In Chinese, crisis has two characters: one meaning danger, the other opportunity. I chose opportunity. An opportunity for the dance -- wonderful gift as the lead and me as the partner. An opportunity to take the voyage of a lifetime, a journey to the self to balance to God, Allah, Divine, Spirit.

This is not to say that I was or am in denial. I am fully aware that breast cancer kills people, and I was told I had the most aggressive type, that I needed to have a lumpectomy the next day or more than likely I would die.

Without having to put any thought at all into that, I knew I would not have a lumpectomy tomorrow. Maybe I would have one, but not tomorrow.

First off, get books that help me get centered, meditate, remain calm, breath deeply, educate myself, make a plan, find someone to listen with medical education. Then I would be in a position to make educated choices. Love myself, surround myself with people who will support me in what I choose. Do not spend energy on other people defending what I need and plan to do. Do not exert my precious resources helping other people to feel better about my having cancer. I need all my resources to heal.

[some books: Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup, Breast Health, Breast Cancer by Susan S. Weed, Love Medicine Miracles and Peace, Love, Healing by Dr. Bernie Siegel
graphic: homemade healing mandala with face mask]

Get together books, paper, pencils, good food, warm clothes. Take a week’s spiritual retreat. Sleep, walk, write, eat, daydream, read, think, don’t think, feel, meditate.... make a plan. Off I went, had someone take care of house stuff. Everything else on hold. [This is a strong suggestion by Dr. Northrup.] What a wonderful nurturing thing to do for myself. May have been one of the most positive moves at that time.

When I returned I had lots of lists. I would have wonderful food, organic, whole, no processed (I had been doing this for some time), chewing many times. I would visualize a snowball melting away from the warm sun. I would take clay baths to help with detoxification. I would repeat an affirmation and visualize myself being healthier with each breath -- massage, supplement, work on emotional and spiritual levels of my being. I would be surrounded by positive people and for a period detach myself from those who were not. I would work on finding what I internally yearned to do. In a nutshell I would do whatever I could find that resonated within me, that nurtured me, that made me healthy inside and out on every level that I knew.

For quite awhile all this was done without benefit of medical support, because the last time I had left the doctor’s office crying, feeling I just might die that night from what they said. I decided that, since in reality I know one day I will die, I refuse to die feeling that. I want to enjoy and feel good while here and alive. And die healthy, living until I say goodbye [another quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: to live until you say goodbye].

It did take awhile but finally I did find a gynecologist/oncologist traditionally trained who had changed to a totally wholistic approach. So, in my way of looking at the situation, I had the best of both worlds. I had this wonderful person, who became my friend, listened, hugged and supported me, who would tell me what I needed to know from the traditional world, and who helped me along any avenue I wanted to explore. I continued this intense program of cleansing, working, visualizing, meditating for almost three years through December 1998.

My tumor had not grown very much -- much less then three times the size in two to three weeks described by the original doctor who had diagnosed aggressive breast cancer.

I feel that everything I did was very positive and made me healthier, in some ways healthier than I've ever been. Some of the things, like clay compresses, pulled the tumor toward the skin, so I decided when it was right at the surface I would have a lumpectomy. I have continued most of those wonderful things and would not trade the journey that changed my life for anything.

Like my 93-year-old friend said, no one ever got out of here alive.

Surrendering myself to seduction of spirit, I continue my dance.

...the 'next day' has not arrived...

graphic: view from the author's deck

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Word Preserve -- A Country Rag Index