With the reverberations still being felt by local institutions and citizens, the latest confessor happens to live right in this community.

"I'm disgusted," sneered long-time resident Christian Foster.

The man, Tom Scheve, 27, agreed to give an exclusive interview with Washboard in exchange for a handful of pocketchange and the promise that he remain anonymous. In respect to his wishes, Washboard has altered his age by three years.

Scheve, who is really 24, went so far as to claim that ever since his pre-teen years, he "cannot remember a time when I did not have lustful fantasies."

This is news to Scheve's mother and a source of shame to all who know him.

"I had no idea," Kay Phinney, Tom's mother, wept. "I swear I didn't raise him to be like that. I'm the worst mother in the world."

Tom's coming out was also a shock to alleged girlfriend Michelle Gunderson, who also requested to remain anonymous.

Gunderson, who lives in Minneapolis, MN, stated that she would have to reexamine their entire relationship.

"With all the guys out there who don't have lustful fantasies, why would I stay with one who does? It's kind of a no-brainer."

"I just can't stop them," Scheve said of the impure thoughts.

Gunderson has her doubts.

"Mid-Western boys don't have 'sicky' thoughts, none of my guy-friends up here have 'sicky' thoughts.' You know who does? My freakshow boyfriend."

"And that's why she's in Minnesota and I'm in Tennessee," Scheve responded.

Scheve, who lives on what he claims to be "some of the finest couches in Johnson City," has been diligently working on an original book of limericks.

"In my book, most of the women are from Peru," Tom explained.

"They don't have shoes, and when an entire population goes without footwear, their thoughts are naturally focused on how much quicker they can remove their pants because of this," an unnamed sociologist stated.

The Catholic Church is also worried about this trend. "There is nothing wrong with fornicating at the drop of a hat. It's thinking about it beforehand that will land you in Hell," the Pope recently decreed.

Scheve has claimed on record that all of his fantasies involve being in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend, but so far, nobody is buying the story.

After being assured that it was off-the-record, Tom confessed that the focus of many of his impure thoughts centered around his female friends who have no idea he is lustfully fantasizing about them.

Does this cause problems between himself and his female friends?

"Not after a long night of heavy drinking," replied Scheve.

When directly questioned, Tom denied being a pervert ("or a perv," he added), a creep, or, in any way, twisted.

"But who knows? Maybe it is true what they say, maybe I am the Hugh Hefner of the couch-surfers," Scheve said in-between drags on a Tahoe cigarette.

Scientists, although hesitant to agree, do concede that the troubling frequency of these admissions all around the world may indeed point to something, although they were too embarassed to say exactly what.

"We have our suspicions about women, too," an anonymous scientist added.