THE ATTACK OF THE HAPPY SCRUNCHIES by Trisha O'Keefe©1997 Many, many years ago, there were two scrunchies, Tie and Band. One unfortunate day, Tie and Band were banished to the scariest place in the world - under the bed! There, Tie and Band began a small village, which years later became a little world. One day, many years later, Bumble and her sister Bea were running through the sock swamp when they stumbled upon a lost cavern. They fell for what seemed like miles, to land in a room filled with ancient transcripts. In the corner was a small tomb, shut off by a huge boulder. Beside it was a small slot with a blue button sitting directly below it. "Bumble, what's it say?" asked Bea, as Bumble picked up the first transcript. "Um, uh, well, it's in ancient scrunch, but perhaps I can translate a few cognates. "Uh, ‘In this tomb lies total evil, banished from this realm to the next. As a warning to anyone who chooses to release it: BEWARE!" "Uh, Bumble, is that bad?" "Yeah, Bea. That's bad." "Oh so! Now what?" "Gee, I don't know." They sat in silence for a good five minutes. "So, just how bad do you think ‘total evil' is?" asked Bea. "I dunno." "Wanna find out?" asked Bea with a twinge of mischief. Bumble always hated when Bea did this. She knew no matter what she said, her sister would use some kind of psycho, mumbo-jumbo, twisted argument that would make her so confused she'd forget her own name! "Well....." replied Bumble. "Great!" shouted Bea. And before Bumble could stop her, her sister had hit the blue button and they heard a brief BOINK. "Total evil goes BOINK?" Smoke began to roll out from the small slot. Completely freaked out, Bumble and Bea climbed out of the cavern and ran back to their home. It was four minutes after seven when the two girls, er, scrunchies, burst in the door of their home. "Mama, mama!" "What is it Bea?" "Oh, Mama, " replied Bumble, "something horrible and terrible has happened." "What do you mean?" Before they could answer, there was a loud crash of thunder. All three ran to the window, and what they saw terrified them. A huge, black figure began to loom in Scrunch Square, and they knew it was trouble. "Hello inhabitants of Scrunchland. I am the closet monster. But you can call me Moo Goo Gai Pan." The cloaked figure stood three feet tall. Yea, sure, YOU wouldn't be afraid of him, but you're forgetting they are scrunchies. "Now, let's get something straight. Somebody woke me up, so don't be so surprised if I'm not sugar, spice and everything nice. I mean, come on, I am the creature of supreme and total evil." "Bea," began Mama scrunchie, "is this the ‘horrible thing' your were referring to?" "Uh, yea", replied Bea. "Because I've been asleep since the beginning of time, I'm a little hungry. And I have a very unique appetite. So, if you little wimps fail to feed me, I may just have to eat," Moo Goo picked up Charlie Chan, the scrunchie man, and swallowed him whole. Then he licked each finger individually. It was really gross! "I may have to eat.....you", he said with a wicked grin. Mayor Skippy Clippy stepped forward and looked up. "Listen, Mr. Floo Fong a wing wong" "It's Moo Goo Gai Pan!" "Right. Boo Woo Pee Wee. That's what I said. Listen, we don't want any trouble. Couldn't we all just get along?" Moo Goo picked up the mayor, putting him right up to his ugly face, snorted and whispered. "No!" Then he tossed him in the air and the mayor landed right in his mouth. Then Moo Goo turned and walked away, chucking softly to himself. The people, er, whatever you wanna call them, wasted no time in getting a line of defense. They called themselves the United Scrunchy Army, or the U.S.A. They had power by air, of course they were on paper airplanes, and by sea, of course there was no water. They had their calvary, mounted on trusty, musty, dust bunnies. They picked the strongest, bravest men to go and fight Moo Goo. Bumble and Bea's father was one of them. "Oh, Papa" whined Bumble, "don't go!" "Please, darling?" pleaded Mama scrunchie. "Now Scrunchina, I've been chosen. There's nothing I can do." With that, the women and children of Scrunchland watched their husbands, fathers, and brothers ride off into the sunset. Bumble turned around to see Bea saddling up two dust bunnies. "Bea," she asked, "just what are you doing?" "You know we have to go with them, Bumble. This is our fault. "Our fault!?" shouted insulted Bumble. "No, Bea, you were the one who hit the button. This is your fault." "No yours!" "No yours." "No yours." This went on for at least five minutes. "Okay, okay. You're right Bumble. It's my fault" replied a reluctant Bea. "Yes! I beat you! Ha! Ha! For once in my life it was you that backed down. I am the best!" excitedly shouted Bumble. "Gee, Sis, I'm glad to see you're not gloating." "Aw, shut your trap Bea, we've got some Moo Goo butt to kick. Get along little dust bunnies." The U.S.A. had been gone for a week when they finally reached Moo Goo's lair. "Okay, Boogie Boo Noo Koo, open up. It's an angry mob and we're here to pick a fight." "It's Moo Goo Gai Pan! And besides, no one is home!" The calvary sat in confusion for a little bit, then a teen scruncher said, "Well, nobody's home. What do we do now?" "I guess" said General Elastic, "I guess we go back." They made an about face and headed home. Bea and Bumble sat, jaw-dropped and astounded. "They're heading home?! How? Why?!" They rode up to the front door. "Hey Mr. Doo Doo Bed Pan, open up! We want to have a talk with you!" A loud voice from within the doorway shouted, "It's Moo Goo Gai Pan, nobody's home, so just go away!"

The girls started walking around the closet, checking the wall for any small opening or secret passage. When they found one, they rushed inside and ran down the long hall that followed. At the end of the hall was a huge room filled with a purple-fuschia-like glow. "Whoa." muttered Bumble. "This is pretty cool." replied a zoned-out Bea. "Hello? Anyone in here?"

Just as soon as Bumble asked that, Moo Goo Gai Pan shot up from the ground. Bea hid in a corner of a corridor but Bumble was too terrified to move. In a desperate attempt to find a way to save her sister, Bea found a blue button, similar to the one in the cavern. Bumble looked at her sister and immediately knew what she was thinking. "Bea," she whispered, "didn't you learn your lesson?" Bea turned to her and simply replied, "No." She hit the button and a small curtain to the left of Moo Goo opened. Behind it sat a small popsicle stick behind a tiny switchboard with a microphone. His voice seemed to boom into the mouth of Moo Goo. "Pay no attention to the small popsicle stick you see before you. I am the one you are looking for. Yo, up here!" Bumble and Bea weren't so terrified anymore. "Who may I ask are you?" asked Bea. "Why, I am the great Moo Goo Gai Pan." said the little popsicle stick as he tried to close the curtain. "Aw, forget it." The little man turned off the power switch, took off the headphones and approached the two sisters. In a nasal voice he replied, "Hi, I'm Bob, a.k.a. the Great Moo Goo Gai Pan." "Exsqueeze me?" asked Bumble. "No, no, no!" she replied, "The Great Foo Foo Fifi is that." She pointed to the cloaked figure. "You, you are a scrawny little twerp!" "Listen, I can explain everything." "Then why don't you?" asked Bea. "I will. See, many, many years ago, around the time of Tie and Band, my ancestor, Bob, was also banished under the bed. But Tie and Band didn't want Bob in their world." Bea leaned over to Bumble and whispered, "If he's anything like this guy, I can see why." "Ahem...anyways," continued Bob, "Bob decided to start his own world, but it wasn't much of a success considering he was the only one of his kind. So, the all-knowing ceiling fan granted him the wish of having an offspring, but only one per customer. So, I created my robot here, hoping I could draw some sort of attention to myself. And by golly, I did." "By Bob, what about Charlie Chan the Scrunchie Man and Mayor Clippy? We saw Moo Goo eat them." Bumble pointed out. "Ah, good observation, but incorrect. As you can remember, my robot did not chew them. This was because I wanted to preserve the bodies." Bea gulped, "For yourself?" "Precisely....Oh! Good heavens, No! I meant preserve them for my experiment. I mean to extract DNA from your friends, so that I could build myself a body mold." "You mean like the green fuzzy stuff?" asked Bumble. "No, like a fake body, so I could join your world." "Oh" said the two girls in unison.

So, they all went back to Scrunchland. After they explained that Bob was just a pathetic, lonely loser, it was understood as a misunderstanding, and Roo Goo a Go Go was never heard from again.

"It's MOO GOO GAI PAN!!!"