Man it's HOT out there!

"I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused...'It was supposed to be hot today.'"
- Steven Wright

You Know It's Hot Outside When...
 
* You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
* Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.
* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside. 
* Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
* You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
* The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy" 
* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
* The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper 
* Your pool water starts to boil in the sun 
* The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot 
* Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans 
* A scalding hot shower still cools you down 
* You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man 
* People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames 
* A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants 
* The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves 
* You need a spatula to remove your clothing 
* When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts 
* You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather 
* You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air
conditioning as much as possible 
* You are sweating in both directions -- up and down! 
* Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell 
* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
* You burn your hand opening the car door.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* You are sitting inside reading these jokes 
* Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips

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