Not Phunny!

Signs of the time...

On an Electrician's truck: 
  "Let us remove your shorts."
English Sign in German Cafe: 
  "Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating."
On a Taxidermist's window: 
  "We really know our stuff."
Outside a Hotel: 
  "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At a Music Store: 
  "Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner."
On a Music Teacher's door: 
  "Out Chopin."
On the door of a Music Library: 
  "Bach in a min-u-et."
At a farmer's field: 
  "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, 
   but the bull charges."
In a Podiatrist's window: 
  "Time wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window: 
  "Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window: 
  "Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: 
  "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: 
  "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Beauty Shop: 
  "Dye now!"
On the door of a Computer Store: 
  "Out for a quick byte."
At a Dry Cleaner: 
  "Drop your pants here."
In a Restaurant window: 
  "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
At an Auto Body Shop: 
  "May we have the next dents?"
In a Non-Smoking area: 
  "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire 
   and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door:
  "Push, Push, Push."
On a Front door:
  "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office:
  "If you don't see what you're looking for, 
   you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door:
  "Gone Fission"
On a Butcher's window:
  "Pleased to meat you."
On a Fence:
  "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive." 
At a Car Dealership: 
  "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
  "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel:
  "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium:
  "Drop your pants here."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
  "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
  "We would be delighted if you send in your bill., 
   however, if you don't, you will be."
On the side of a Garbage Truck:
  "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
On the door of a Computer Store:
  "Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window:
  "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley:
  "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria:
  "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  
   Socks can eat any place they want."
On the door of a Music Library:
  "Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
  "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a Counselor's office:
  "Growing old is mandatory.  Growing wise is optional."
- Compiled by laughalot-owner@graceweb.org


The Farmer's Love Letter

My Sweet Potato,
do you carrot all for me?
You are the apple of my eye
with your radish hair and turnip nose,
My heart beets for you.
 
My love for you
is as strong as onions.
If we cantaloupe,
lettuce marry,
and we will be a happy pear!

Two boys on top of the house roof during a flood were watching a hat float down with the water, then suddenly the hat turns and goes back upstream, then back down again, and then back upstream...
One boy was puzzled and asks the other one about the strange sight..to which the first one says, "oh that's my grandpa...he says he's gonna cut the front yard, come hell or high water..."

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