But in fact it's a steep, treacherous mountain I stand at the foot of...
and literally it's fear that has me cemented in place.

Confusion. Backward thinking.
Everything is opposite to what it seems.

What I most desire is to be held,
but a part bigger than this desire looms above and insists that I resist affection.

What is it I truly need?

Becoming conscious is painful, and yet...
to remain unconscious holds anguish.

Should I stay or should I go?

The way is long and rocky.
To understand why I do what I do is difficult.

- Starlene D. Stewart
November 10, 1994