This is my testimony of how I came to the Lord

My parents were divorced when I was about 2yrs old. My mother took us three kids to raise by her self. We were not a Christian family, in fact it was the exact opposite. My mom was very liberal in her "spirituality". She believed in a god, and wanted us to choose for ourselves what or whom we wanted to follow.We were exposed to everything from witchcraft to spiritualist church etc.

I love my mom dearly. She is the single most important person on this earth to me. I have all the respect in the world for what she has accomplished in her lifetime. Raising 3 kids and getting her BA degree and getting a job as a parole officer. She is a very good person, and has a big heart, but she is so far away from God it hurts me deeply.

Looking back on it now I guess it started when a friend invited me to his church. This was the first time I heard of Jesus. We would go and learn bible verses for prizes. That was my goal, to win all the prizes for memorizing the most verses. I did very good in that department, but would always forget soon after I had the prize in hand. Then one time he invited me to a weekend retreat. I thought "Camping!That sounds like fun!" So I went, and I had a great time at camp. I was about 7 at the time. Then the last night we had a very powerful service. I went forward to accepted Christ that night, but really did not comprehend what I did. I had no follow up because shortly thereafter we moved again.

That was the story of my life. We moved quite frequently growing up. we moved out of state a couple of times and as a result I attended about 13 different elementary schools. It caused me to quickly become a chameleon. I could fit in anywhere and with anyone, no one ever knew what was going on inside me. On the outside I was always the happy go lucky guy.

It was at this time we (us kids) went back to Kansas to see our father. I had never met him before and really didn't want to, but it was decided that was best for us kids. To make a long story short, it turned out to be the worst year of my young life! I absolutely hated it there. We were not welcomed with open arms by our new family. We did not get along very well will his wife and three kids. My father ended up working 2 jobs while we were there, so we did not really get an opportunity to know him, which was the whole purpose of the trip. It was there, that for the first time, I was exposed to a major religious denomination. I thought if this is what people of God were like, I wanted no part of it or God. That is when I thought "I'll follow my God the way I want to." We finally were able to call my mom and she came and picked us kids up and brought us home.

The moving continued year in and year out. Friends came and went, and so did life. I had people always promising me they would do things, mainly mom's boyfriends. I learned not to trust people when they told me things, then I would never be disappointed again. One more brick on the wall I was building inside me.

I started Jr. High School where I got my first taste of beer. My best friend's parents were alcoholics and when they would pass out we would indulge in as much beer as we wanted. They either didn't know or didn't care. It was there, and I thought I had found happiness. It seemed life was OK when I was drunk. Nothing really mattered when I was drunk. Life was painless in this state and that is what I wanted most, to numb the pain I kept buried deep inside where only I knew what and where it was. This is what I saw as happiness. This started a 16 year journey of which I thought I would never make it out alive.

Life seemed to be all right at that time. I had my beer, and started smoking marijuana a little, and in the right combination, life was painless until the next morning. It was then the pain would return and I would wonder why I was doing this. I soon learned to become the life of the parties. I was every ones friend, and counselor, but inside I was crying out for something. I didn't know at that time what it was, I just needed something in my life. I just felt this huge hole in my life, and began to through everything I could in it to cover the pain. Nothing was working. It seemed no one cared about me, although they probably had no idea what was going on inside me.

I finally made it into High School! I thought here I would surely find happiness, and to an extent I did. It was the life of the parties again, and wow! The beer and hard alcohol we could get in High School seemed to be endless. I had met someone whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and life became one big party, until my life plans started to crumble around me.

I learned I had a rare medical condition which prevented me from getting into the armed services. I thought that would be my ticket out. I wanted to serve our country and also saw it as an opportunity to continue my education. When that fell through I was devastated, and on top of that the doctor told me I would not be able to have children. I felt like someone had just released the valve on me and all the life was draining from me. I again turned to the only thing I knew; alcohol and lots of it. My friends and family did not know.

It was at this point that I started to think about killing myself. I just wanted it to be all over. I was getting tired of life and the direction it was going. It was here that I totally turned away from the God I knew. I just figured He was like everyone else and was turning His back on me too. I couldn't blame Him too much, look at how I was living.

I graduated High School and had no direction as to where I wanted to go in life. My girlfriend and I were not doing well. We were drifting apart, in and out of the relationship for the next year. I just decided to start drifting around, moving from job to job mainly in the restaurant business. It was a good fit for me because it provided me with cash every night and allowed me to be in the party scene. It was at that time I started to get to know my now best friend Mike. He was one of the few people who could keep up with me in the drinking department. We did not start off on the right foot, but soon became best of friends. We had moved into a house with 2 other guys and it was there we started building a solid friendship. We lived and partied there for a year, and again it all came to an end. He moved to the state of Arizona to go to college, and my girlfriend left me to go to Nevada.

I just felt alone with no one to turn to. At that time, my Mom was trying to get me into the police department. I thought with her connections I might be able to get in. It was a glimmer of hope in my life. I made it all the way to the oral exam and did not get in. I was again crushed, putting my hope in a job bringing me happiness. I was beginning to think my options were limited, either keep going the way I was or ending it all. My hope had run out. I was at rock bottom at this point. I had lots of friends, a job, a car, a place to live, but emotionally I was tapped out. I just could not bring myself to do it though. Something kept gnawing at me that it was not right to take my life. I guess some of the religion I got in Kansas paid off because I thought I would go to hell if I killed myself. That is what prevented me from going though with it. I thought this is bad, but not as bad as hell.

At this point in my life I tried to stop drinking. I knew I had to make a change. I couldn't keep going on like this. I would do well for a couple of months, but then I would take that first drink again and it was all over, back to the same routine. Then my friend Mike and his wife moved back to Washington and I was so happy, again putting my hope in him that he would make me happy. We picked up where we left off in the "good old days". Neither of us lost a step. We would drink till the sun came up. Life was good again.

We went on like that for about 6yrs. Then one night we were drunk as skunks out in his back yard and we started to talk about God. I don't know why, other than God just reached down and tapped us both on the shoulder. We had been through a lot together, he had a bout with cancer, a friend almost died in a car wreck, and God had never come up before. In the 12 years I had known him we never talked about God. I guess we were both looking for something then and had not found it. We made a decision to start looking into churches. I didn't like the ones we were looking at so I stopped looking altogether.

About 4 months later, he invited me to go to service with him. I did not even know he was going to church. That is when he informed me he had kept looking and found a really neat church. So I went with them in November of 94. Something about this place was different. They had something I wanted. The people there were full of joy and love for each other. The worship time was awesome. I had never seen that before. I started attending regularly but still was drinking heavily.

I finally heard the message, that we are all sinners and all have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), separated from the love of God by our sins. The God of the universe came to earth as a man through a virgin birth to live a perfect and sinless life so that He could go, willingly, to the cross to suffer for our sins, that MY sins nailed him to the cross. On the third day He was raised from the dead, so that through His resurrection we could have eternal life with Him. He paid the penalty for our sins so that we could once again have a personal relationship with our God. He will be coming back for those who put their faith in Him. I have never had some body care so much about me that they would die for me.

One month later I went up front and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. On Christmas day 1994 was baptized into the family of God. I again had hope in my life, something I had been missing for many years. About 7 or 8 months later He took away my drinking problem. Praise His Name! August 13th 1994 was the last time I took a drink.

Jesus is now my only hope of glory. In Him I find a sense of peace I have never known. The void I had in my life is now filled to the full measure He has promised to us when we accept His gift of eternal life. I still have struggles and problems, but I now know I have a Redeemer who gave His life for me, and in the end I will be with Him for eternity. I now know it is not what I can do to earn His love, it is what He has done for us on the cross that gives us access to our God. It is not about religion, it is about a personal relationship with our God that matters. I no longer have to walk the path of life alone. Jesus is there with me, living in me, walking along side me to guide and comfort me in those times when I am struggling.

He continues to guide and teach me in the ways that are His, and I continue to learn daily how to depend on Him as my source of happiness and peace in all circumstances. Now I know that no one else can do that for me. It is only through Him we can find our Peace and Happiness.

All glory and praise be unto the Lamb who sits on the throne!!

AMEN



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