Some of you may remember the old Art Linkletter show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things"....well... here's some of the darndest things forwarded to me via e-mail!*S*
The stories are supposed to be true sayings of what children have had to say about the Bible *G*
You'll note some of the children's spelling leaves something to be desired *G* but it has such an affect!*LOL*
These precious comments were compiled (so I'm told) by Richard Lederer and they appeared in the 12/31/95 issue of "National Review"

ENJOY!!!

In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from the apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which animals came onto in pears.

Lot's wife was a pilar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bred, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptions were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultry.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

He fought the Finklestiens, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Soloman, one of David's sons had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus,
she sang the magna carta.

When the three wise guys from the east arrived, they found Jesus in the manger.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enuciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

He also explained, "man doth not live by sweet alone"

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Hope y'all enjoyed!! *ROTFL*

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